28 months along

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:

desperate788 wrote: What do you mean by health of the rest of world?

I mean that the rest of the world doesn't need to "accommodate" every irrational manufactured tiger. It isn't kind to others, it isn't kind to the community, and it isn't kind to the person seeking the accommodation.

It is similar to a child believing there is a monster under the bed whenever the lights are turned off. It is an irrational fear, a manufactured tiger. Because the child struggles, we accommodate for some time, buying a night light so the child is not in pure darkness. Eventually the child no longer needs the night light.

Graham is not a child. He wants a night light to deal with the monsters under his bed. He has manufactured tigers and wants the rest of the world to accommodate him. He thinks it is kind for people to make that special accommodation for his manufactured tiger.

It is a difference of opinion.

Richard. Stop it! This is where you lose crediblity. You put words in my mouth, and you paraphrase my beliefs incorrectly. I too am against Ze and Zur and all those pronouns. I am a 100% free speech person and all the messiness that comes with it. I do not want THE REST of the world to accomodate me. How many times do i need to CAPS LOCK these things for you to remember that. You said earlier things get lost in conversations. I can't believe you would either forget or ignore my most SALIENT points on this subject. So please again read this! I want support in a support forum, so that when I leave, and when the world is overloading my nervous system, I have the ability to rephrase and keep my nervous system calm. So it releases less cortisol, so I'm in less discomfort and pain. As my body calms down and becomes less sensitive, I don't need to do the paraphrasing anymore. It's called REAPPRAISAL! Amongst the most common anxiety techniques.

Again ZERO and I'll say it again ZERO people in my work life and almost no other I interact with even know I have n anxiety issue. How does that equate "The rest of the world"? How? HOW?

My POINT is that Uncommon looks like a support forum for additions when instead it's ABOUT the topic of addictions. And for I think the fifth time, thats why this is not the place to look for that kind of support.

The ZE and ZUR people want to be enabled. I DON'T! I want a resolution to my nervous system thats tied in knots. If a temporary nightlight is needed SO BE IT. But it's dimming and not getting brighter. THATS THE POINT! I use the nightlight myself, and by myself, and I don't expect others to see it or be exposed to it, except for those who are helping me to dim it further. It's MY PROBLEM. And thats why this is called RECOVERY.

Seriously, stop generalizing from the larger context of what I've written.

What do you want richard to stop if you dont mind me asking? He is just posting from time to time.

PAWSsurvivor wrote:Richard. Stop it!

Graham. Stop it! It’s been 28 months.

I understand that you are focused on you and that your nightlight is only for you. But maybe, just maybe this thread and conversation isn’t only about you. Maybe, given it is a public forum it is a conversation to be generalized to many people very much like you.

You have even taken the time to write paragraphs of how you would recommend you be accommodated by using kinder terms, terms like banana head and not posting links to medical information. You can clarify that you only meant this “kinder” approach when in your “safe spaces” rather than in a public forum, but that in itself is part of the broader discussion that is taking place.

Truly, I’m glad that your hypochondria is very narrow and doesn’t seem to impact much of your life outside of our discussions. That is great. The discussion is on where do we draw the line? When is “kindness” not actually kind? The answer is that the line is somewhere. It does exist. We just have a difference of opinion on how to define where it is and what to do about it.

Again, Stop It! 28 months is long enough to get rid of your damn night light. And this is the discussion. You will reply that in effect that isn’t kind, that it take whatever time it takes. And I say that is absolute hogwash. You need to stop it. Stop retreating to your comfortable “banana head” enablers who are leading you down this forever path of never recovery.

I don’t want to see you in here in 32 or 48 months still slowly dimming the damn night light on your manufactured tiger under the bed. You know it is manufactured, so STOP IT!

People shouting other to stop..but what?

Should Graham sit in a dark room?

desperate788 wrote:Should Graham sit in a dark room?

It wouldn’t hurt.

Graham wants to confront his fears on his own terms. This is understandable, but also not necessarily kind.

Some parents are criticized for throwing their kid in the swimming pool. It seems unkind. The fear of the unknown, of drowning, of the tiger is real in that moment. But the parent is there and in five minutes the child is swimming, laughing, having a great time as they learn.

Graham doesn’t have that parent. Graham wants the child to learn in total comfort. Zero fear. Let the child take 3 years to dip their toe in the water, to make sure the temperature is just perfect, to have a life jacket, and eventually they begin to swim three years after all the other children. That is the world Graham envisions.

There is a balance between launching a kid in the pool and having them slowly dip a toe in the water.

Graham is out of balance. He is taking the very slow, currently 28 month route to slowly, slowly, slowly address his issues. And he thinks anything else is unkind.

Richard wants to express opinions on experiences he has not experienced. He believes all fear is equal. He believes in a sink or swim mentality. All or nothing. Kind and unkind. There is no inbetween. There is no grades of progress, or exposure. Drive the car for the first time on your own, or fail and crash. There is no crutch as the leg heals. Just walk on the leg. If it's ok, great, if not, well whatever, better to not have accommodations while healing. The body's pain signals should be ignored. They are simply lies, even when they used to always be correct before the condition began. Richard has full unlimited control of his nervous system which fully obey his thoughts. Richard believes if your stomach is in pain, there is no such thing as misdiagnosis, or problems that have yet to be discovered. Richard knows when there is a real pain or a phantom pain coming from his stomach. In fact, the full sum of human bodily medical knowledge is known to Richard, so there is never anything to truly fear or be concerned because there are no unknowns. Even when the body gives him pain. Also Richard likes to speak for other people and put words in their mouths and deal from strength, often ignoring salient points presented. He is out of balance in his conversational habits.

Meanwhile Graham lived his life everyday with chronic pain without excuse, though he did seek help, because he decided chronic pain was not enjoyable and he did not have the answers to end it. Some people suggested to just forget about the piercing stabbing pains, but Graham did not know how to simply ignore it. No methods were given, even by his medical drs, until he sought out unique professional help. The answers were strange, and seemed paradoxical, but they were first thing that ended his headache, and so he decided to continue down that path. It seemed to make sense to continue down a path that yielded a dramatic improvement in quality of life, especially when other suggestions seemed to yield no results, and that others had great success, many of whom, became completely accommodation free. Graham is more on his own two feet than ever, and is grateful for regaining a dramatic amount of his life back. Graham wished others had given him specific techniques and convincing explanations earlier in his recovery journey, so he would have recovered even faster. He is sad it took over a year to find the correct methods, but is glad he did. Perhaps if the knowledge, coaching, and techniques was there in the beginning, the route wouldn't have been so slow.

PAWSsurvivor wrote:Richard wants to express opinions on experiences he has not experienced. He believes all fear is equal. He believes in a sink or swim mentality. All or nothing. Kind and unkind. There is no inbetween. There is no grades of progress, or exposure. Drive the car for the first time on your own, or fail and crash. There is no crutch as the leg heals.

First, expressing opinions on experiences one has not experienced is not relevant. It’s just another mental crutch you choose to prop up to remove your discomfort. A gynecologist doesn’t need to have experienced pregnancy in order to have an opinion on pregnancy. You have not experienced my experiences of your experiences. But I don’t think that really means a damn thing, does it? It’s just a way for you to shield yourself from discomfort.

Second, I’ve got no problem with crutches. Everyone uses crutches at some point in life. But your leg healed a long time ago. It is your mental tiger that has you still limping. The mind is a powerful tiger.

He is sad it took over a year to find the correct methods, but is glad he did. Perhaps if the knowledge, coaching, and techniques was there in the beginning, the route wouldn't have been so slow.

Agreed. It is sad. There should be better methods to address the manufactured tigers many people create for themselves, not just you. I’m glad you are observing progress.

Richard wants to express opinions on experiences he has not experienced.

Which is why all psychiatrists have mental illness or how would they know about it if not experienced it.
All oncologists have experienced cancer, which is why they know about it.
Midwives can't understand pregnancy if they've never been pregnant eh?

I mean, none of us know what it feels like to be another person, to live their existence, even fellow weed smokers, yet you have no issue with their version of events as long as they reflect what you think or have experienced. That's fine, but it leaves you stuck because you are choosing to ignore another version, just because it doesn't match what you want it to.

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote:

PAWSsurvivor wrote:Richard wants to express opinions on experiences he has not experienced. He believes all fear is equal. He believes in a sink or swim mentality. All or nothing. Kind and unkind. There is no inbetween. There is no grades of progress, or exposure. Drive the car for the first time on your own, or fail and crash. There is no crutch as the leg heals.

First, expressing opinions on experiences one has not experienced is not relevant. It’s just another mental crutch you choose to prop up to remove your discomfort. A gynecologist doesn’t need to have experienced pregnancy in order to have an opinion on pregnancy. You have not experienced my experiences of your experiences. But I don’t think that really means a damn thing, does it? It’s just a way for you to shield yourself from discomfort.

Second, I’ve got no problem with crutches. Everyone uses crutches at some point in life. But your leg healed a long time ago. It is your mental tiger that has you still limping. The mind is a powerful tiger.

He is sad it took over a year to find the correct methods, but is glad he did. Perhaps if the knowledge, coaching, and techniques was there in the beginning, the route wouldn't have been so slow.

Agreed. It is sad. There should be better methods to address the manufactured tigers many people create for themselves, not just you. I’m glad you are observing progress.

I'll agree with the last point. As for the mental tiger you say, all I can say is I'm doing the best I can. I wish I could just do as you say and totally switch it off. But I do way better than I used to, so i know to celebrate that, and I hope and intend for that pattern to continue. And yes you are correct, you can express opinions on subjects not personally experienced as I can I. Perhaps I'll just say, I'm open minded to others for help, which is why I dialogue with you and others not in the midst of how I feel. This experience has really taught me though that words are severely lacking in the world of describing feelings. Before weed if someone told me weed would give me anxiety, I would have thought they meant "nervous" like being nervous for a job. interview, not the myriad of other symptoms I experienced. All that matters is now though and progressing forward.

This forum is closing soon, I wish you well in your endeavours Richard.

tokeless wrote:Richard wants to express opinions on experiences he has not experienced.

Which is why all psychiatrists have mental illness or how would they know about it if not experienced it.
All oncologists have experienced cancer, which is why they know about it.
Midwives can't understand pregnancy if they've never been pregnant eh?

I mean, none of us know what it feels like to be another person, to live their existence, even fellow weed smokers, yet you have no issue with their version of events as long as they reflect what you think or have experienced. That's fine, but it leaves you stuck because you are choosing to ignore another version, just because it doesn't match what you want it to.

You and Richard are both right in this Yes, others and myself can speak to experiences not experienced by them. I learned one year in to this condition to be open minded to the anxiety hypothesis. To be honest, I was open to it in my first month of pain, back then I did just try to let go and say to myself it would be over in a couple of months. It only got worse though. So keep it in mind your opinion goes both ways. Be open minded that while some of what we paws people experience certainly anxiety, there may also be a physiological issue at play. Even though you didn't have that experience, maybe it does indeed exist.

Like i said with Richard, the only thing that matters now is the way forward. I'm letting go of it as I can.

Wish you well Tokeless.