Flooded with Embaressment

KAL,

If you've only had that experience once in your life my suggestion would be to put that experience into the past where it belongs and move forwards.

Michael,

Thank you for your suggestion. This experience indeed does not happen often to me and the negative feelings usually go away quickly. So I will take your advice and throw this experience behind my back and move forward.

But just for my own information, if someone has a chronic embaressment problem, how should he/she deal with it. I once had a friend when I was in high school who wasn't popular at all. He used to get made fun of and insulted in public so many times for about 8 years. At first I used to notice he got embaressed so much, but then it was like he got used to it. It didn't really embaress him anymore (or at least he didn't show it). However, I sensed deep sadness and low self-esteem in him.

Could you please analyze his situation in terms of emotional intelligence? Also, if this person was your child, what would you advise him to do in order to manage those negative emotions more intelligently?

KAL wrote:Michael,

I once had a friend when I was in high school who wasn't popular at all. He used to get made fun of and insulted in public so many times for about 8 years. At first I used to notice he got embaressed so much, but then it was like he got used to it. It didn't really embaress him anymore (or at least he didn't show it). However, I sensed deep sadness and low self-esteem in him.

Could you please analyze his situation in terms of emotional intelligence? Also, if this person was your child, what would you advise him to do in order to manage those negative emotions more intelligently?

Hi!

I can sort of relate to your friend form high school.....i was bullied for over 6 years(emotionally, not pysically!!) I didnt deal with it........It has affected me a lot in the self-cofidence and self-esteem side of me but i think i had the right sense to put it behind me and move on to the important things in my life!!

I wouldnt really know how to advise if i was a parent, i think i would fist have to find out what my child is like and how he acts.......but i think i would definitely talk to him and be there not just as a parent, but as a friend!!!

Hope this helps

Regards

Cormac

Hi Cormac,

Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I also have some bad memories and I tried to bury them in the past, only they kept chasing me over and over for a long period of time. I used to get bothered by my negative emotions attached to those memories and was upset because there was nothing in hand now. I used to tell myself "If I could just return back to the past, I will do this and that to change it". But regret didn't help too.

Until one day a friend of mine recommended a book to read called "The Present". The message of this book is in order to live a happy life, you need to face your past and learn from your experiences, plan well for your future, and concentrate on the present. My suggestion to you if your past is still bothering you sometimes, face your past, fight your emotions, analyze the different negative experiences, write down the lessons learned, then erase them from your memory. You need to do that or else your past will keep hunting you. This is what I personally did, and it sort of worked out for me.

About the example of having a son who is bullied around and is always flooded with embaressment, if he was my own son, I would support him and deal with him as a friend rather than a figure of authority (as you said). However, I will do my best to raise a strong child who is able to defend himself and would earn his colleagues' respect. My father did that to me by making sure I take Karate lessons at a very young age to build the necessary confidence in me. I guess it was a good plan and worked fine. This however requires empathy from my side as a father, but what if I wasn't there for him, what are the emotional intelligence techniques he should do in order to solve the embaressment problem on his own?

Sorry for the very long reply. Its just that this subject is very close to my heart and I had a lot to express.

KAL wrote:Onetime I had a terrible emotional experience where the term "Flooded" by Daniel Goleman perfectly describes my feelings at that time. Flooded is basically the condition where negative emotions completely control you. This is what I had; and the emotions that controlled me were both embaressment and sadness.

I was terribly embaressed and did not know what to do. I tried to use Goleman's techniques such as challenging your thoughts or changing your mood setting, they simply didn't work. My irrational side of the brain had complete control over me and the negative emotions only got stronger. I could feel the blood flowing to my face and my body getting more and more numb. On the following day my body was in a low arousal phase because of the sadness following the embaressment.

I realized the negative emotions I am experiencing, I only did not know how to manage them.

Please give me your suggestions and/or comments.

Learn to laugh at your embarrassments.




V (Male)


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