Going back too work - set back

Hi there, Yog!

That must have been disappointing, after all your hard work!

You mentioned that you had a long break from work. You were making changes in your life during that time (including joining us here!) - changes that were not matched in your place of work. The place is the same. Maybe the people are the same and the 'ambience' is the same. When you find yourself back in the same place, same people, same way of going on, it is not too surprising if you feel the pull back into responding in the same old way that you used to!

This gives you a little clue about possible ways forward - I don't know what work you do, or what freedom you have to change things at work, but sometimes really little things can have an amazingly powerful effect. Even little environmental changes can help - flowers at your desk (?), a beautiful picture on your wall (?), going to work by a different route, getting a new set of work clothes, going to lunch somewhere different, associating with a different set of people - almost anything by which you can mark that "things are different now!".

What do you really like about your work? Can you do more of that and less of the stuff that's 'not really you'? Is part time work an option for you (at least at first)?

Do you have a colleague at work whom you get on with really well? Can you enlist their help to make such "little changes"?

As to the family, well, sometimes you just have to throw up your hands and let them get on with it! You have more important things to concern yourself with!

It's hard to suggest anything more concrete without knowing the real circumstances that you are grappling with, but I hope these ideas help, and I hope you also realise that you have cyber support as you grapple with all the challenges in your life!

Good luck, Yog, and keep in touch!

Kathleen

Hi Yog

I'm sorry to hear about that - from your other posts you have really got your head round good psychology - now just to take it into the workplace!

One thing to look at would be just what it is that you are thinking/worrying about at work that you weren't when you were off.

It's also very important to maintain your basic needs, so make sure you are getting enough breaks during the day - perhaps use a hypnosis download mp3 to relax yourself and slow your mind down. You know your way out of this thing - you just have to focus on being calm enough to remember how.

Keep us informed Yog

Roger

Thank you for your help and kind advice. I have tried some of the above - like buying myself my fave coffee in the morning! It has worked!
I am getting along better now, except that I am working with some very bright people - academics and so on - and I find myself feeling a lot of social anxiety in groups. When I try to make a point, I sound very vague and imprecise, and I am really worried that people think I am not intelligent. It is not because I am not intelligent, but my communication patterns are pretty bad!! My voice trails off, I sound unclear, and my mind goes blank when I speak so that the ideas come across as wierd and illogical. Is this normal with depression? I don't feel as intelligent as I used to. Anyway, I am trying not to be too hard on myself, but I feel that people are going to find out that I am not as bright as my qualifications say I am!!! I wish I was not so introverted and nervous about talking intellectually. I am not sure how to develop my speech patterns...maybe just in small steps... Does depression often make us think slower? i feel that my brain is working at half the pace it used to...
YOG

It's funny isn't it? Worrying about how you sound makes it more likely that you sound vague and unfocused. You only have so much attention and when it is split between focusing on the way you feel or sound, rather than on the other person or the topic of conversation.

People in social situations don't want you to be clever, they want you to be their friend. (And if they do want you to be clever, they have mixed up professional and social situations)

Roger

dear yoghurtraisin
as a new member here I would sympathize-having been through that-I do not see anywhere about support from your firm/boss/etc
when I got into my mess I saw mine who was most helpful even to the extent of sending me in firms time for a year to therapy.I keep this short best wishes patrick

yoghurtraisin wrote:Hi
I have recently gone back to work after a long break of treatment and I seemed to be getting a lot better. However, I am now finding myself sinking back into depression and anorexic thoughts. I am lashing out at family members and am having panic attacks due to arguments with family members.
My brain seems to have gone back to the dark, miserable, destructive thoughts...I am just wondering how going back to work can make this happen - is it just directly linked to stress, or the pressure?. I feel suicidal thoughts now all the time, and though I don't think I would ever kill myself, I fantasise about doing it without killing myself.
I feel really really desparate, cut off and alone from the world and from the people around me. I have tried to get back out into the world, as I know that this good for me, but my brain can't cope with it. What is this feeling of the brain not being able to cope? I don't understand why I just want to cry all the time..
Sorry for the ramble...I'm just wondering how to get better. I want to get better, but don't know how to...
maybe stopping thinking is good - I suppose that is what i mean by suicide - would like to be a soul, alive in that sense, but without the body and the thoughts...
Yog

dear