why are some people charismatic - are we born like that

I think it's learned.. maybe?

When I was in highschool..I was a professional "wallflower." I did that job. well. Don't bother me!

Whn I was little. I was the last picked for sports and any social activity...so...if anyone came to my door... I was instantly there friend...until theyt found some better to play with.

So I thought it was me...something was wrong...

Yet, when I was 9 years old during a camping trip with my parents...I found a pretty brunette with cute brown eyes who was 7 years old. We became attached to the hip...had good times. Then, I had to go home. And, she cried...because I was leaving! All the way home I wondered one thought. What was so special about me.

It haunts you...especially when everything around you tells you are not good enough to know...one person like that!

Maybe? Just maybe, I am wrong?

When I worked in pysche...I saw too different types of ladies...

The "out" crowd... girls who thought they were nothing and were depressed because they couldn't get the boyfriends.

The "in" crowd...that was more interesting...because I talked to the cheerleader crowd...they wanted to be like the "out" crowd. Why? The locks wanted sex... the girls were only good for that. They believed the only way to get boyfriend was to give them what they wanted. sex. What did they really want. Boyfriends. Where were they? In the other area.

I say area...because like class system. If cheerleader/miss popular goes to another crowd to get boyfriend material...she loses her "in" crowd friends and the byfriend material...doesn't believe they could keep are girl so popular.

So, what this boils down to is this? What environment are you in. What have thrown in?

Environment has a large place in "charisma" and how popular you are.

Let's say you are on a bus trip to "somewhere." Like you take class for a biology trip to Arizona to study the desert. What happens on a bus trip? Everyone knows everyone. People sleep on everyone. You see epopel you never knew do everyday things, they do in private. No matter who you are or what you think you are? You automatically become bonded on that trip. You find friends you never thought you would. And, it can last.

With out the bus...the trip and the situation. it would have happened.

Environment.

Do I think environment effects charisma and popularity. I've seen it happen

All, because of a bus trip!

ok sparrow,

I sort of get what your saying but in some ways dont think it is correct - because if you put a popular and unpopular person on the same bus trip with strangers for example it is probably very likely that the person who is popular in situation A will be more popular in situation B.

This is what I mean some people would be more popular in any situation then another because of their carisma.

markpark wrote:ok sparrow,

I sort of get what your saying but in some ways dont think it is correct - because if you put a popular and unpopular person on the same bus trip with strangers for example it is probably very likely that the person who is popular in situation A will be more popular in situation B.

This is what I mean some people would be more popular in any situation then another because of their carisma.

Image this...

A bus trip with popular and unpoluar people. Imagine.. they are on one bus trip... and they know no one on that trip... they are all strangers.

People would stake out tertory right away... to see where they are...where they are in this situation.

Imagine it's a large college and only nine people are in the van going on the trip...no one knows anyone...they are all strangers to each other and they have to make some type of relationship with everyone. No one knows anyone... never seen them before... at all!

What would they do?

No one knows anyone... and they have to go to Arizona from Chicago. They stop at one place. In the pan-handle of Texis...It takes two days to go to the pan handle. We are talking about no one knowing anyone... cheerleaders... nobodies... Jocks... and science majors who are... no one! What would they do?

They stake out territory... On a van? How could they do that? They are all in one little group! I tiny little van ... and a long way to go! Days to take them their... so what would they do on the Van?

They fall for each other. Jocks fall alseep on no-name girls... and Cheerleaders fall asleep on science geeks.

This happened with me. A cheerleader tasked me to do her science project.. not because I was geek... they needed a partner and they new me... they had fallen asleep on me and trusted me... This is the key to know how relationships work.

Let's throw everyone in a small little world... and, you find this!

Do you want to know what this does?

We were tired... from along hall to the pan handle of Texas... the guys were playing cards... the girls decided to wash their hair in the sink...

I said... "Quit ignoring them... how many times do they this?

The guys.."Yeh...right.. .yeh right !" But, I could see their eyes and they watching the girls like hawks going for the kill... because they don't see everyday... these girls...doing hair in a sink."

I was almost laughing...I loved it... because I could see how they watched... every move...they made...why? Because these were different girls... and they showed something that they don't see everday! I was almost laughing! Because of this tight nit stuff that was happening!

Something happens when you are thrown with pwople you don't know and forced to be with them,.. like a little society. Do you want to know? A girl picked on by some guy in a store! Yes... She got picked on! Big time...by some frolicking idiot!

Guess what! I saw someone look at me... I looked at some one else... until all the guys knew what was happening. Suddenly the frolicky guy backed off... Because every guy on the bus was behind her. What? Why would that happen? See what I mean... a little society made up and... nothing could break it!

When we got back to the college... it flew away... everything went back to societies rules... but, when we were together... it was different...Guys protected the girls... the girls understood they were protected... and, they gave me their darkest secrets... Yes! Guys would ask me why a girl just opened up to them? I would tell them... We are together on buss! It makes difference. I now the girls and the guys. We are like family!

So, look at society...how large it is and how easy to get lost in it...until you are in a spot were you are thrown together.... in a small van... you see society drop into a little van... and, it's very different. Very DIFFERENT!

It makes you think how society works? How can we be so close... and yet so far? Think about it!

You are 9 years old..and all your friends only like you for what you could give them. These fiends leave...because you have nothing to offer them.... So you take what they give you and you can be their friends when ever they want. It's because they have no one else. So you take what they give you and you belive it's something wrong with you. You are wrong! They only come when you are right! So you hope that you right!

You wonder ehat is wrong with you? Something is right when they come... but...after that you are wrong... so getting a nice friend or grilfriend is beyond you... because your wrong...never right when it's supposed to be... but mostly wrong all the time... so you live your live in a fantasy worl... because better than what you have...

You never know that they are cruel...because you think something is wrong with you!

Until you go on camping trip. Camping trips were the only area you had to make friends in small spot and you did well!

There was a tree! It was dead! At Eagle River, WI. It was dead! I leraned from my friends to climb it... a 9 year old climbing a tree while everyone watched me... as I went higher and higher... when I came down... the kids were in awe...(obviously, I did this all the time to impresas my..so, so friends)... but not now! I was king of the dead tree...

And, I went down, in the awe of all the other little kids and there someone who was really watching me. This was dark haired young lady around seven years old hair down past her shoulder blades. She had the darkest mysterious eyes... and she blew me away as 9 year old... and, her eyes were gluewed to me. She thought I was prince... and couldn't help but be that for her. And, my whole camping trip was domminated by her.

Ginger, her name, followed me everywhere....I to hercame camping site... and her older brothers scorned me... but, he mom said no... and, we were together for three weeks...we did everything together as young kids...amde fun of everything... walked everywhere...

My mother said, "There is young lady looking at you?" What? Ginger was in a little skirt, being do shy at the entrance to my camp ground...and she stayed to make sure I was there. Me? Yes! She came to me... and we had lots of fun... just goofing around!

Then, the fateful day came! I had to leave from my three week beautiful time. Her whole family came to watch me leave... Whole family? The tiny girl was crying... because I was leaving... and, my mother got pissed off at me... thinking I did something to cause all this... Yet., I knew better. This little girl; was very unhappy with me leaving.

Ginger and I cried as we left...and, I wondered to this day why she licked me so... gorls junoir high scorned me to my face... and I was nothing to scream about in highschool. And, as we allo so we are haunted by those memories...

BUt... when you are thrown into a special curcumstance... like that..you remeber... and I remebered my little trip in college that I posted before...I was surprised by reactions... I knew happen... because of a small little camping trip where I was on the top of the world.

Society is governed by the way they tell you it should be. You are nothing... and, they throw this at you...because you are not good enough! But, imagine being on a trip ...in a van.. or cmaping trip were all you friends... like you for eho you are and say no to societies rules.

Society is your worst enemy... It tells you esactly how you should be.... and you conform...to it! Exactly...like me! But, what if something happened that reducede your society to hand full of people. Where are you?

You are included... no if's and or but's...about it... science trips... my little boys camping trips. It's all relative to the situation you are in.

Try a large trip with very a small amount of people...you will now what I am talking about...and how relative everything....even society is

Try it! You will be surprised!

markpark wrote:i was wondering is charisma in the genes.

I tend to get overlooked in social situations but notice that the same people seem to get all the attention.

is charisma something that is learned during upbringing or in the genes. One thing i have noticed is that people who don't seem to care what people think seem to be popular.

The same with being funny do you think this is natural or a learned skill?

A-ha! That seems to be quite my frustration too, Mark.

You see, I'm a loner, introvert, shy person myself.

But I'm trying to overcome it gradually. I want to be popular too! But more than that, I want to be natural and don't wanna be an ass-kisser.

I think charisma is natural with some people, lucky enough to have that innate appeal with others.

But I think I'm funny at best, even though I'm not joking, but my demeanor itself, people find it funny.

It is quite inspiriting thoughts for me, i read all posts, and i want to add here something.
When we talk about the charisma and popularity then first thing i noticed that, it is only for favorable conditions, a person is popular among people for his style of talking and making fun and some other activities, but when we face some type of problems in life then we search for a person who can provide us help, and charisma is not there in any aspect, charismatic people cant help other in there bad times, they are your friends when you are happy, but you will found them no where when you will call them in a critical situation.

Sparrowhawk1161 wrote:Society is your worst enemy... It tells you esactly how you should be.... and you conform...to it!

Hmm, this sounds... interesting. Thank you for your thoughts about that

markpark wrote:i was wondering is charisma in the genes.

I tend to get overlooked in social situations but notice that the same people seem to get all the attention.

is charisma something that is learned during upbringing or in the genes. One thing i have noticed is that people who don't seem to care what people think seem to be popular.

The same with being funny do you think this is natural or a learned skill?

Good questions, interesting to think about.

You said,"One thing i have noticed is that people who don't seem to care what people think seem to be popular." That may be because people who do not care what others think of them often know that what matters the most is whether or not they approve of themselves, and therefore have a sort of confidence that draws in others.

Of course, there are some people who do not care what anyone thinks of them because they are motivated by simply not giving a crap about anyone, regardless of whether they hold themselves to any standards or not.

Peace.

markpark wrote:is charisma something that is learned during upbringing or in the genes. One thing i have noticed is that people who don't seem to care what people think seem to be popular.

The same with being funny do you think this is natural or a learned skill?

I think it's the opposite of people who are shy, but they're still shy and have developed a lot of skills to cover that up.

Most of those people I've met are very charismatic, everyone says so, everyone likes them.... and they complain all the time about how no one recognizes their worth, while having negative opinions about just about everyone under the sun.

In the meantime, everyone keeps saying how charismatic they are. And they are at the bar being charismatic (and an alcoholic). Or at parties being charismatic (addicted to cocaine). Complaining about how others are so selfish and stuck up and egotistic and are always screwing them over, while their 'friends' go "yeah, yeah, cool... bartender, gimme another beer".

Don't believe the hype. Confident people are usually very quiet and have only a few friends. They're so confident in themselves and 'in their own skin', they don't need very many other people in their life to be happy.

Peace...

I think charisma is more learned than genetic. If your parents are charismatic people, you're likely to pick up on their behaviors. For example, my parents are super shy and awkward, and I'm the same way. Is it in my genes? I don't think so. I just learned to behave like them as a child.

Its pretty interesting school of thought, I believe charismatic people have a good way to engage people, they are confident in what they believe they are doing because they think that's right in their opinion.

Generally extrovert, but engaging and confident people come across to be charismatic. People who don't give a damn about others can be considered impolite at times.

Cheers

I believe it is the sign you are born under, that governs personality. This plus upbringing and environment, plays a part in your charisma. There was a time that I took myself from being an introvert, to extrovert, only to stop being around certain people and becoming an introvert again.