I hope I am in the right place

**Posts:** 3 · by **blklab** » Sat Jul 30, 2005 4:10 am

Hello I hope this is the right place for some self-help therapy. I have read some of the post and see I am not the only one with some anger issues. I find myself happy when I am not at home and often thinking of coming home and being the perfect little family. But what I find out frequently is that I am angry at situations when I arrive home. To give a little back ground on me I am a Police Officer and grew up in a Italian family where yelling at everyone yelled at each other. It did not matter weather it was a family dinner or get together someone was irritated. the one good thing is that we always made up at the end of the day and life went on. Well I always said when I have a family I would not be like that. Well I am now 38 and in the same boat and it make me sick. My wife grew up in a very non-confrontational family so you can imagine the clash. She talks civilly and I am a shouted or loud talker. I am sure some of this comes from being a policeman seeing how e is always right. LOL.. But I also am aware a lot of this comes from my up bringing. Anyway that is my story and I am sticking to it. But on a more serious note I seem to be very angry if things are not done my way. I’m not physically violent but I can sure give a tongue lashing at times. My wife has suggested medication from time to time and I have seen a shrink from time to time with a little relief but it always seems to revert back to me yelling as my wife states and she is correct. I hope talking to others will help because I do not want to lose my family to anger it is not a pretty thing as I have seen first hand on the Job.

blklab

blklab
Sorry for the spelling errors

**Posts:** 2522 · by **kfedouloff** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 8:04 am

Hi biklab

Well, you are already past the first stage, as you have accepted that there is a problem, you have some understanding of where the problem comes from, and you have taken various steps to deal with it. You can certainly feel good about that!

It's interesting how often people marry someone who is almost the opposite of themselves. I've heard one theory about this which says that we choose a partner who can teach us what we need to learn - and this somehow applies to both partners!

So you have something to learn from your wife's approach, and she has something to learn from yours. You could say that there is nothing 'wrong' with either of you, or your approaches to conflict. However, if you can learn how to defuse anger, and if she can learn how to stand up for herself more in a conflict, both of you would have more options available for dealing with things.

Now, as it's you who has come on to the forum, could I ask you what your wife says about your outbursts? What does she say you do? What does she attribute it to? Is she willing to help you deal with this issue?

Kathleen

**Posts:** 3 · by **blklab** » Wed Aug 03, 2005 7:07 pm

As far as what my wife thinks well lets say that is another story but she does not like it,. to complicate the matter she is BiPolar and the outburst or frustration seems to increase with every episode. I have to give her mad props that she does a real good job managing the disease with her doctors and medications. But the fact remains that I get upset at the littles things that should not effect me in such angry manner I think. I also realize that there are alot of contributing things that trigger the shortness at times and her health being the biggest one. But at times it is like talking to a wall with her and then it seems t the only way to get her attention is to be angry, It just so happens that I seen a therapist who knows my wife and the history. he said it is normal to feel frustration with the situation but if it is bothering me and others i need to do something. he mentioned lexapro.in small does. Anyone ever have any suggestion on this drug. I know my wife has taken it with good results.

**Posts:** 2522 · by **kfedouloff** » Wed Aug 03, 2005 8:49 pm

Hi biklab

Your therapist is right to say that it is normal to feel frustration in these circumstances.

You might find it helpful to read this earlier thread about living with a partner who is depressed, as well as this one.

Are you getting any support for yourself? Do you have friends you can talk to, and 'let off steam' with? People who will listen and not judge you?

Kathleen

**Posts:** 3 · by **blklab** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 1:04 pm

Kathalen I do have some friends that I blow off steam to and they understand and even her family is supportive of me. So I am fortunate as well as her to have a good support system. I did talk to my Doc and he prescribed Lexapro so we shall see if it helps along with the support. It has helped just venting here. It is funny Last year i was a t Xmas party and some fellow Officers were talking about taking Lexapro for anger and how it has help them. I hope I get some relieffromit as well.

I hope I am in the right place

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