Dealing with anger in home vs tension at work

DanH wrote:I'd like an opinion on something to see if I'm normal or completely crazy. At my work there is often tension and i am the peacemaker who diffuses the tension between others. However, at home i have a great deal of trouble suppressing my anger when conflicts arise. I have never toally lost control and abused my wife or kids, and would never do so, but i have ranted and raved and cuased some hurt feelings that have agravated some situations instead of solving them. I know i need to work on my anger but it's hard. Can I have an opinion? Why is it easier to control anger in some situations but not in others?

Hello DanH,it sounds as if you love your family very much indeed writing in for ideas like this.My experience is that something as important as a persons family can at times, be a stressful environment to be in especially as you care alot for them.Maybe part of the reason that you remain so calm at work is that it is a change of environment.It sounds like you need to feel that same calm emotion at home.My advice would be to firstly realise that you are capable, and have demonstrated just how calm you can be so find ten or fifteen minutes to yourself and close those eyes and get a sense of a really pleasant relaxing time you've had and build upon that bringing in the sights,sounds,smells and every sense associated with that time, and this is the really good bit... When you're nice and calm and have a sense of relaxation beginning to spread to the rest of your body, imagine a tv screen and get a sense of the more difficult parts of that homelife whilst relaxing down deeper, watch that movie and see the people in it and observe the following... how you can change it to how you'd like,find the humour in it and see a smile begin to appear on the face of the you in the picture, you don't need to know why it will come to you when you least expect it.See the situation being resolved and notice how it was resolved amicably for everyones best interests.And the next time you find a relaxed approach would be helpful at home remember this time and count to FIVE and begin to breathe so that your outbreath is longer than your inbreath and step outside of yourself and observe the situation and create ways for the best outcome...just a thought,all the best Nick.