Hello,
I'm new here, female, 33 yo.
I used to go out with people I worked with once in a while. With one of them I formed a sowewhat close friendship. This woman is married and has a child. Her husband started to go to our evenings out as well. I liked him and they seemed to have a great marriage.
Anyway, when I went to their home for an evening of drinking things got out of hand. She was so wasted that she had to go to bed early. I stayed up and drank some more. Looking back at that evening, I shouldn't have been drinking so much. When I went to the toilet, the husband kissed me in the doorway. I kissed back.
I didn't tell her because frankly, I was scared I would be the one getting all the hate. Besides that, I didn't have any proof. I thought to myself 'this will not happen again and I won't go to their home ever again.'
We went drinking in a bar few months after that, and I did make the mistake to drink too much again. Anyway, he started to flirt with me and others from our group had noticed this. She started to distance herself from me, the others from the group didn't talk to me at all. Everyone left our group app.
Long story short, I started to drink everyday because I felt responsible and I didn't have anyone anymore. The husband called me to ask me to shut my mouth basically, because he didn't want to admit he kissed me. Just the flirtations almost cost him his marriage, he said. So I kept my mouth shut, because he started to whine about losing his child if they were to divorce.
He would keep me posted, because since I have to work with her I was afraid she would tell people there. Mind you, she never asked me something, she just assumed I was equally willing to flirt with her husband (I never wanted him or anything).
That of course didn't happen and he started to ignore me as well. I still feel so stupid, inapt and not suited for relationships with people. And angry, I feel a lot of anger. Because no one even cared to ask me what had happened.
How to deal with this? I just can't get over the anger, disappointment, pain and blaming myself.
Sorry for the long story and mistakes, I'm not a native speaker.