Work and Friendships- Lesson Learned!

**Posts:** 5 · by **ClareO83** » Tue Apr 29, 2014 9:23 pm

Hi There, forum newbie here! Things are really awkward for me at work right now, and have been for a few months, with no sign of letting up. I work in a small office based organisation and have been in my role for about 5 years. A couple of years ago a vacancy came up on reception, so I told a friend about it, and went out of my way to help her in getting the job.
After working in the same building for the last 2 years, I noticed a number of character traits that I didn't respect in her, but chose to remain friendly and pleasant as we've known each other for over 10 years. However I found out towards the end of last year that she had been talking behind my back about my personal life (including a very painful break-up which I'd asked her to not discuss at work)with her line manager and several other colleges, who then discussed the matter publicly within earshot of my team members.

I'm disgusted with her behaviour, particularly as she denied blabbing despite irrefutable evidence. However I'm not the most confident in awkward or confrontational situations, and I'm now so uncomfortable at work that I don't even go into the staff kitchen any more

Any words of advice are welcome! Thanks x

**Posts:** 105 · by **whybotherwhynot** » Wed Apr 30, 2014 1:03 pm

From what you tell people in this forum is just one side of the story. As much as you don't respect your friend because of a number of character traits, and you're disgusted with her behaviour, as you say, she may have the same feeling about you.

I don't know what you did to her and what she did to you that made you ticked. Here are a few pieces of advice for you:

1. When you come to work, work
2. Pay all of your attention to your job and do it well
3. Don't make lots of personal phone calls to home or friends
4. Don't gossip; don't talk about this person to that person
5. Don't buy candies and gifts for your co-workers to try to make them like you
6. Don't buy presents, flowers, or invite your managers, supervisors, and bosses out for lunch to try to get a promotion. That is low. People notice and will call you a pet.
7. Learn to find your weakness, faults and change them instead of finding those from others
8. Learn to separate your personal feelings at work
9. Learn technology
10. Keep your desk/office clean and organized

Work is work. At the workplace people watch each other and are competitive. Be respectful, professional and competent.

When you come to work, think about that you need to do your job well for your boss who pays you. And when you are not at work, enjoy life with your family and friends out of work. Don't let things at work bother you all the times.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Wed Apr 30, 2014 6:08 pm

Forgiveness, acceptance and surrender are powerful tools that we can adopt at any time.

**Posts:** 5 · by **ClareO83** » Wed Apr 30, 2014 8:38 pm

Thanks for the replies, wise words!

**Posts:** 1 · by **pingponger** » Fri May 02, 2014 3:39 am

About 2 months ago, I joined a ping pong group at work with co-workers and managers. Today, all of a sudden, upper management and a co-worker decided to play catch on the lawn and not invite anyone else to play. Is this telling me and the others something. I know the managers like the co-worker who has been there for as long as I. I don't want to feel any way about this incident, it could be nothing at all, but I don't want to be foolish if there is a message here. Can anyone offer words of wisdom? Thanks.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Fri May 02, 2014 6:14 am

For consistent happiness, it is important not to take anything personally, what anybody else says or does is a reflection of who they are and is on their conscience, how you choose to respond is on your conscience. In this situation, choosing to accept what is can keep your peace of mind.

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