Hi this is my first post on this forum. What I am about to explain is quite lengthy so I'll keep it as short as possible. I'm 24 years old and have no confidence and zero self esteem. Don't get me wrong I've tried f***ing hard to help myself so many times. It feels as if everyone is against me like humans aren't humans. They are like robots that are 10 steps ahead of me. I have come to the conclusion that it started in secondary school. I was teased a lot, never really said anything when I was upset or angry. Six form was a lot worse. Peers would make fun of me, call me names and say I was stupid. Again, never said anything back to defend myself what so ever. At first I thought I was scared to say anything back but I'm certain that I'm not scared I just couldn't be bothered to deal with it. University was awful and finished when I was 21 and got an average score. I really did try to socialise and make changes towards myself. I forced myself to ask friends out or over to eat, went to the movies, helped them out, drove them places when their car was being viewed for MOT. I live in the United Kingdom. I joined running clubs and so many other things but I suck as all of that. I try my best not to be so sensitive but I really just don't understand why everything bothers me.
Anything I try has failed. The past two weeks I've changed a lot. My hands will shake when I'm talking to colleagues at work, my heart beats extremely fast and feels hollow. That's the best way I can describe it. The back of my throat becomes really dry and I can't concentrate on anything. Someone could say something rather simple and wouldn't hear a word. I feel so slow and can't do anything right. The things I enjoy I'm not longer good at. At the moment I'm unsure of what to do. What I would like from this thread is some guidance with what I can try next. I've summarised some of the things I've done to tried. I didn't half donkey trying to help myself, even for my standards. I gave it my best shot. If you would like me to explain anything I wrote I will be more than happy too. Thank you, Sophie.