So Today I Lost it Literally!

Mistercleav0 wrote:So my Parents left to go to a party with friends and they were gone for a good 4-5 hours. Which they left me in charge of my brothers Who are 18 and a half and 16. So i decided to Study for an upcoming test next week. But all day my brother who is 18 keeps screaming, yelling and cursing like an animal when he plays video games. I told him twice to be quiet so i can study but his logic of idgaf makes my anger start to go up more when he continues To scream and yell more.

FINALLY my parents come home thinking it would end here and i can go get some sleep but all my father says to him your brother is trying to sleep but once again he says idgaf in his mind and he screamed so loud i FINALLY lost it. I opened my door came into his room didnt say a word broke his playstation 4 and got him in a choke hold slammed him down and started throwing punches in his head and chest Until my father and mother came and had to pry me off him. After that major Anger exploded inside of me i dont even remember any of it and i kind of feel guilty of what happened today. This isnt my first time having Anger issues just come out like this. There were times I literally wanted to kill myself because my life sucks and didnt want to live anymore. I need help bad. This is why im trying to get some help here before it gets worse. Just need someone to talk to here but can never find anyone to help me. I personally dont want to talk to my parents after what happened today They already have hatred towards me after nearly killing my brother.

Wow! Well… you lost it pretty good… BUT… you could have beaten him to death with a hammer, or stabbed him 30 times with a knife. So, it was not as bad as it could have been.

An important point to remember here is that none of this was of your making. Your Parents left you nominally ‘in charge’, but gave you no actual binding authority. To be in charge of children, you must be able to make Threats which you can reasonably make good on. You Parents gave you nothing close to this power. And when they came home, and you reported your brother, they came across as though it was all Ancient History and “Well, how does that effect us?” they basically deserted you. They effectively took your brothers side. It is a wonder that you did not try to kill them too! They kind of deserve it, don’t they? Honestly speaking? And yet, now, after everything that happened was certainly their own fault, they only see as far as blaming you for everything.

But, yes, this was all very nasty, and you could have done things to avoid it. One, when your parents were planning to leave the house, you should have told them up front, that you were leaving also… that you have no control over your siblings, and can’t study when Parents were not there, who can actually wield enough authority to control their children. Maybe that would have been cause enough for a Family Meeting, whereby you would have been granted Dictatorial Powers over the children – being able to enforce Threats and Warnings. As it was, you accepted an untenable postion… for parents who really don’t care. In fact, why do you think THEY were going out? They hate being in charge too. And they obviously spoiled that one uncontrollable child (I had to look up ‘IDGAF’)…. But your parents are well aware that that horrible child is a drastic problem… which they are only avoiding… probably secretly sorry that you hadn’t ‘finished the job’.


The Worst Part of all this is, well, these Conditions are creating Violent Habits. These Violent Habits will likely stay with you, well, forever!... unless you deliberately weed them out. Well, you might as well start now. For yourself, to get yourself back on the Civilized Path again, first, no swearing. Never ever swear again. It is EXTREMELY difficult to ever be full of Rage and Violence unless one swears first. Until you Swear, well, for the most part, you are Calm. Calmness and Sanity leave with the first string of cuss words.

Secondly, know when you have had enough. You have a mobile phone, and so do your parents. When the Children do not listen to you, well, call Mom and Dad and say that you can be contacted by phone at the Library, that you will not stay with a situation where you are only calculated to get into trouble and be unappreciated.

You know, what happened to you was All Adrenaline. You’re in college, so you know. It was the Fight or Flight Reaction. Hours of Frustration has built up, and the callous disregard of your parents pushed you over the edge. It is difficult to say that you have any real anger problem. In a Civilized World you would be as peaceful as a Monk, wouldn’t you?


But, Now you are something of a bit of Damaged Goods. Try to fix yourself. Here a a few good Book Recommendations:

Book Recommendations:

All the personal skills required for successful Anger Management, well, they cannot be learned overnight. Of course, you can go to a Therapist, but even I have gone to therapists and the first thing they do is recommend that you read Anger Management self help books. It easy to understand why. If you do some daily reading of anger issue books… making it something of a ritual behavior, then it helps you to always stay aware of your potential problems with anger. Ordinarily we might do some intensive work on ourselves in regards to our anger issues immediately after we have had some serious episode, but then as time passes, we begin to forget that we have a problem, that is, until we explode again. So we need to keep Anger at the forefront of our attention, or at least to the extent that we have some daily reminder for ourselves that we must keep up our guard and maintain all of the good practices that we had learned.

Of course, you could find your own books. Go on line and just buy the ones with reviews that seem to show that the books would appeal to you. But I have a few suggestions of my own. One book I recommend, because I found I had given it a splendid review on that Big On Line Merchandizer’s Website is “Angry All The Time: An Emergency Guide to Anger Control” by Ronald Potter-Efron (my review is on the 3rd page of the 5 Stars). I had said that it is the one book most likely to bring anybody back ‘from the edge’. Also, check out “Rage” by Ronald Potter-Efron (the same author as the previous book). I think it is the best book on the subject of extreme rage. Then there is a book about Cognitive Behavior Therapy. The premise behind cognitive behavior therapy is that when people are angry or depressed because of their negative thinking, well, it makes the most sense to address the problem by addressing the Thinking behind the problem. No, there is no churning up the past and talking about Mother and Childhood – all that is ancient history. The Idea is to simply learn how to turn off the negative thinking, or learn to think of something else instead. It also involves reevaluating your thinking in regards to whether you have been nurturing misconceptions or exaggerating generalizations. Anyway, the name of that book is “Cognitive and Dialectical Therapy Unleashed”, by James Ashley. It’s a good book and very affordable. And finally there is one book that is a bit of a favorite of mine: “Anger Management” by Peter Favaro, in that it seems to be more complete and organized than a lot of the other books.

Anyway, until your books arrive, or you go to the local bookstore and buy some, you should look over these pages. Especially, you should look at some of my posts here. I am relatively new here and so my catalog of posts is not all that extensive, and I have dealt with problems not unlike your own, using the knowledge that I have distilled from all of my reading, and also from my own experiences of dealing with my own anger issues. Good luck, hope to hear from you soon.

there is no need to make you feel guilty about the past, it is gone, it is not anymore
However, it doesnt mean to not make you respinsible, and never do this again on the future
there are always better options we can choose
The fear about the test, exam,
It is what making you aggressive,
If you have no fear, there will be no aggression

When you are studing the books
I recommend you to record on phone, if you have a recorder
And than you can review, even when you go for walK With headphones
Even when you go for walk , you are studing
Even when lay down the bed, you are studing
Even when you wash your teeth you are studing
Even when you are tired, the machine does not stop
It motivates, you to study

but, you have to understand one thing ,
When you focus on the results you cannot focus on the lesson
So do focus oj the results, focus on the lesson and results come by themselves, for how much you focused on lesson

It is important to stand focused on the Books
Yes you can obsess a little with the book
But do not obsess with the results
Let the results be whatever it be ,
Sometimes we pass the exams sometimes we dont
so you have to have some little space of understanding this, tolerance about human nature we have , we are no conputers
But you do your best , you stand focused, you obsess a little
aggressive a little , but do not be afraid
There is no reason to be afraid
Because you are doing perfect, you are focusing on success
And that is all it matters, to stand focused
To sacrifice sometimes, so we can read a book
To get up sometimes even when we feel tired
And keep studing
to push that gas pedal , to do something more than others

But do not be afraid, believe in success
believe that you can do it,
Because more confident you are, better you can study
identify oneself as someone really good at this
identify oneself with the success
when you reading, you read confidently
Because if you dont believe, psychological limitation happens
But if you keep believing that you are really specail
That is what will make you psychlogocially much better to study
Because you have less tension on the body, less tension psychologically, less fear
Unleash oneself from fear, and and become unstoppable

Thanks so much Leo. I read your post and it got me thinking so i decided to use alittle bit of what you were talking about in our family meeting after the incident and my parents finally realized that they have raised a ungrateful child in the house. They told me he deserved that donkey whooping because my parents stop hitting there kids after they had me so i pretty didnt get lucky like my brothers did. I was the one who always got belt whippings and snatched up by my father. My brothers never once got whipped they were always talked too like that even matters. So instead of my parents going to jail they let me beat it out of him and called it sibling fighting the usually.

I pretty much got the white glove treatment while my brother got embrassed because he pissed himself. He will probably remember this but thats fine i will be gone in 4-5 monthz going into the military as an officer so i can start to rebuild my confidence and have structure in my life.

Im going to the library to find those books you recommended so i have something to read while im in class or free time.

Mistercleav0 wrote:Thanks so much Leo. I read your post and it got me thinking so i decided to use alittle bit of what you were talking about in our family meeting after the incident and my parents finally realized that they have raised a ungrateful child in the house. They told me he deserved that donkey whooping because my parents stop hitting there kids after they had me so i pretty didnt get lucky like my brothers did. I was the one who always got belt whippings and snatched up by my father. My brothers never once got whipped they were always talked too like that even matters. So instead of my parents going to jail they let me beat it out of him and called it sibling fighting the usually.

I pretty much got the white glove treatment while my brother got embrassed because he pissed himself. He will probably remember this but thats fine i will be gone in 4-5 monthz going into the military as an officer so i can start to rebuild my confidence and have structure in my life.

Im going to the library to find those books you recommended so i have something to read while im in class or free time.

Dear Mr. Cleavo,

Wow!,,, I guess this is what happens when you read enough anger management books, that the analysis of your perceptions and understandings of a matter wind up being more or less correct!

I am so glad that your parents were receptive to this. I was thinking the whole time of the Randy Newman Song “My Life Is Good”, about a rich and spoiled Southern Californian who, when presented by his child’s teacher with a report of extremely bad behavior, interrupts her (with a very good song, by the way) with the protest that basically ‘His Life if Good’ and he doesn’t really want any bad news…. That’s HER problem… something for the servants to take care of. So, with that song in my head, I thought that maybe your parents, likewise, would simply not want to be bothered. Well, it turns out that they were Conflicted… that they had felt guilty about beating you and yelling at you… although they should have noticed that the Discipline, though harsh, actually Worked… you turned out to be a Civilized and Polite young man. But your parents, well, they did not like the ‘ugliness of making sausage’ (as in “everyone likes the taste of sausage, but nobody likes to see how it is made”) and so they let the other children just grow up as savages. It is truly wonderful that they listened to you and appreciated what you were saying. Yes, Parents can make mistakes. Well, Parents ALWAYS make mistakes. And now that I have owned up to them, I would forgive them totally, as long as they now swear to stand shoulder to shoulder with you. Oh, and I quite enjoyed hearing that your barbaric little brother pissed himself. Pissing one’s self is definitely a huge deduction from any Game Score, is it not? Serves him right! Oh, and it is one of my pet peeves, as a musician (I play 5 instruments by ear) that children waste so much time on silly and useless Video Games… as they could spend the same time playing the violin along with their favorite tunes and actually learn how to play the violin… really well! Mozart learned the same way. Yet, the stupid games absorb thousands of hours of time… gone to naught…

Oh! I was a Military Man myself. Not an officer. I once asked my Sergeant Major to put me in for an Officer program, and he told me that I was simply too angry a lot of the times…. That he was an Angry Person himself and knew how to put up with me, but couldn’t recommend me, in good conscience , to be submitted to a program that required ‘Gentleman’… I could not be depended upon to act like a ‘gentleman’. Wow! But he was right. ANYWAY! The lesson here is for you to learn to ALWAYS be calm and collected… COOL no matter what. As Napoleon Bonaparte used to say “Never Flinch. Never show you are worried. Fear and Anxiety are contagious, especially when they are shown by the Officers”. Of course it is true! I don’t usually watch Sports, but I began to wonder why it is that some Teams suddenly just seem to get ‘psyched out’… choke… and fall apart half way through the match…. THEN I noticed the behavior of the Coaches! The Coaches got Excited and Anxious…. Started yelling and obviously fretting… WELL!? Of course the Players would pick up on this same dismal Mind Set.

So, you REALLY need to Read Up on anger management! You have to become a Total Expert! Now, I really don’t think you have much of a basic problem. But now that you are aware of your susceptibility to Anger, if you address it, then you will be at a GREAT COMPETITIVE POSITION over all of your fellows. They will get ‘irked’ over things, while you will not. They will show Frustration while you will not. Actually, it is lucky for you that THIS ALL HAPPENED…. It give you an opportunity to BECOME A BETTER MAN for it all.

Good luck… may I be the first to call you “Sir”.