Can anyone help me..?

Hi Vicky

Welcome to the forum.

You certainly shouldn't be thinking of yourself as a bad person because someone else is lieing to you - it's not your fault.

What sort of thing is your boyfriend lieing about now?

Has he told you why he feels the need to lie.

Graham

Well..he asked me for help when I found out the first time. He said he wanted to get a job and get himeslf sorted. So I helped him. He told me he had gone to an agency and had got a job, he even went as far as describing the job to me, and making people up that he has worked with ect..I did begin to feel a bit suspicious about this, mainly beacuse he has lied in the past, but also because I rang the company to talk to him and they said they had no record of him at all, which made me ask him. he denyed it staright away and told me he was telling the truth. but yesterday he finally broke down and told me he had been lying about the job, so much so that he hadn't even gone to the agency. He even pointed out his office to me when we walked past it. I don't want to be angry with him but I can't help feeling I just wanna shout and scream at him for hurting me this much, but I realise that will only make him feel worse. this whole lying thing as had a really bad effect on me. It has made me very depressed and I feel so bad about myself its untrue. I want to help him so badly But i feel he is trying to push me so far..and one of these times im going to break. The fact that i love him so much doesn't help, and would never want to see any harm to him. i just want him to be at least a bit better, I know I wont personally be able to change him, but he has asked me to go to counselling sessions with him, but I don't want him to feel he has to lie to the counsellor just beacuse i'm there. I'm so unhappy!!

Vicky

You obviously love your boyfriend very much and are very supportive to him. It could be that he is lieing because he feels the same about you and wants to please you - no doubt he felt you would be very pleased if he got a job. I'm sure you've already done this but stress to your boyfriend that it's him that you love, not whether he has a job or not, or what he's done in the past. That way you can reassure him that he has no need to lie to you.

It sounds like you need to work on this together - perhaps you could help with looking for a job. And maybe both going to a therapist would be an opportunity for him to get all his lies out once and for all - with the reassurance from you that it's a fresh start and you won't judge him on anything that comes out.

Let us know how you get on.

Graham

Hi, thankyou for your message.
I have tried to tell him that its him I love, but the lies continue, I want him to know that I am there for him, but the way it is affecting me makes that 10 times harder than it would normally be.
I don't really have many friends who i can talk to about this, as they are under the opinion he's a lier and a bad person. Which admittedly I thought when he first started, but now after reading about the illness I have come to understand it more, and think thats just like him. And I find myself in tears because I feel so sorry for him, and think over all the bad things I have said to him and about him because of it, and it just makes me sad to think of how much he is hurting, enough to hurt other people.
my parents are very worried about me and how much this has affected me, and naturally think he is an awful person who I should just stop seeing. I have thought to myself a few times maybe i should stop seeing him, but the need to help him and care for him grows greater everyday, I want him in my life and don't want to not see him. I love him.
Do you think he could get better? Or maybe learn to control the lies? Or am I putting myself on the line again, just waiting to be hurt?

Vicky

I'm sure with the right help and support he can stop telling lies. Or at least stop telling the big ones - all of us tell little lies from time to time.

You say you've been feeling depressed yourself about all this. You need to think of yourself as well. You may find the depression learning path useful in learning more about how this is affecting you (and your boyfriend).

Graham

I find it quite hard to put my self before others. Always have done, just want to get out of all this really.
Want to be normal. And most of all want him to get better.