Love my mother in law just can't live with her.

Great to hear from you again.

Just try to be clear with them always though, to avoid any sorts of misunderstanding. (That would be my #1 concern.)

Take care!

[

Fernandita wrote:@ethanbridges
Thank you! My husband and I think is the best for Us to leave on our own, we already spoke with his sister and as I mentioned before even thought they think we are being ungrateful we'll talk to my parents in law about them moving out. Now even though my husband and I feel ready to talk to them, I don't know how we are going to bring this topic to them. I really don't want them to feel like we don't love them, we are ungrateful or we just don't want them on our lives, we just want to have our privacy and have that experience of living on our own just the 4 of us. Or having her for few days at home and be excited to see her here, or to take her out, Anger Managment might not be the right forum for this topic since it was my first time ever using this. But I just want to make it clear that I love her, I also love my father in law and if I knew that they have anywhere else to go or no financing support or if they are old
I wouldnt ever asked them to leave my house, but besides our mistake on asking them to move in with us I think is time for us to live on our own.

Dear Ethanbridges,

Oh dear God… you are honestly going to turn out your parents because you think it would be more fun in the house – kicking it up and cutting loose in your own youthful Lifestyle Ways (making love in the living room or just wearing your underwear while watching TV) – if the Old People were not there crimping your Next Generation Style. You claim to be concerned over their financial ability to support themselves, but, DUH! ? Read the Newspapers… or news on line… people on fixed incomes have been falling Way Behind inflation. Social Security and Mutual Funds don’t pretend in their wildest dreams to keep up with inflation, and every year Retired People get poorer and poorer, all while the FED feeds Interest Free Money to the Very Rich, which is the reason why everyone else’s Savings decrease in relative Value. The Rich get Richer and the Poor get poorer.

Of Course! Your parents are living with you because they feel they have no other choice. What!? Do you think they Like You? They may ‘love you’… but you are their kid… and loving you is a givein. But would they rather live in their own Mansion, where they could walk around in their underwear? Yeah! You bet they would. I’m a Senior Citizen living on a fixed income, and sitting at my computer, and guess what I am wearing? It ain’t a formal evening gown or tuxedo. I’m wearing a Tee-shirt and boxers. Maybe you do not realize that your Parents HATE living with but they have no other choice. They have no other choice.

So, yes, kick them out. And I hope your own kids kick you out when you get old and your working income stops pouring in. It will serve you right to die in a prolonged misery of exposure to extreme temperatures and malnutrition, which is what you are sending your Parents off to. What do you think happens when people can’t pay all of their bills? They start cutting back on Everything. But Everything is what keeps us alive.

Well, you know what I think you are… well, people not affiliated with this Website might think that you are ungrateful brats, but I myself, seeing your point of view, applaud your decision to live entirely for yourselves and to let your parents suffer and die in the most egregious poverty and misery, for, after all, don’t they deserve it for all they times they impugned your self respect and self esteem by calling you ‘selfish or punishing you for the least little things. Now its their turn! Shame on them! May they be rightfully punished by the freezing colds or the sweltering heats, and the shrinking food budget that allows them to eat only Cat Food. If you think they deserve it, well, who knows better than you? Young People always know more than Old people…. It’s sort of a Young Person’s Given Assumption, and the Foundation upon which they make all their Decisions – that their Parents, in all that they differ from themselves, Must Be wrong, and, in consequence, deserve to suffer deaths of prolonged agony. I'm glad I agree with you, or I would be morally appalled.

Leo,
The truth hurts sometimes. When you want to live alone and create your own household., that doesn't make a person ungrateful. I applaud the time she's given to her husband's family. . There is nothing wrong with asking another family member to take mother in law in. Maybe the other family member needs to take a turn in helping out.
What's wrong with wanting to have the place to herself? I like my privacy. It's different when a parent is around. My parents visit me once a year.. (we live thousands of miles apart). All the preparation that goes into their visit is quite a feat. When they finally go home...yeah I get out the raggy clothes, my pack of smokes , and sit here on this forum. Everyone deserves to be able to live with their freedoms. It's very hard to do that when your under the eye of someone you want to look your best in front of.
That's my personal opinion, the way I am , I need me time.
Leo, I got a feeling your the king of your domain. Would you want someone living in your house that you couldn't relax around?
McCain

McCain wrote: I like my privacy.

The very reason I don't want to marry again, or to take on a roommate. My home is my Sanctuary. But, hey, that's just me.

Hi McCain,

Of course I agree with you on the selfish hedonistic side of it, so, YES, if I can afford to live alone, myself and my happy little Nuclear Family (a new innovation in Social Organization… until just a hundred years ago only the most poverty stricken people lived in Nuclear Family arrangements. All Well Off People lived in Extended Family arrangements – surviving great grand parents at the top, and then extended and nuclear families underneath – Mothers, fathers, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins Nieces, Nephews, brothers, sisters…. All under one roof… or, rather, in one Large Compound.

Well off families had to have Big Houses. It was not just Mom Dad and the kids. The only people who lived ‘modern style’ – in nuclear Families – Mom Dad and the Kids by themselves, were extremely poor. They were alone because the Old Folks had already died, and the parents would likely die soon after the children would come to adult maturity. They probably were not very happy. A Life Environment that kills so quickly is not probably so pleasant to live with.

But, yes, if I were once King of my own Castle, supported by a big fat happy budget, then it would be a REAL pain in the … a real displeasure, to let the old cranky opinionated old folks move in like some old parasites. .

Who wouldn’t be displeased and annoyed!?

But that is not the issue here. The Issue here is that the World Economy is Collapsing. Pension Funds are falling through everywhere – America, Europe and Asia, and in many places there were never pension funds even to begin with . In America the Social Security Payments, well, I don’t think they are adjusted for inflation, so every year a person survives, it is like they are getting paid less to live.

So do you throw your own parents out… maybe help them find a shopping cart to call ‘home’, all so you can live and be happy in your own personal and private home? Honestly, you can be happy with your own parents out on the street!? Or maybe they won’t be ‘homeless’… they might commit all of their expendable income on their rent. But, then… what do they eat? No medications? No heat in the winter. No air conditioning in the summer. They might still have a roof over their head, all while they are suffering and dying in every other way.

Living does not come free. And Civilization is Breaking Down to the point where nobody is giving enough money to old retired people who nobody will any longer hire for anything that they are still capable of doing… which often is not very much.

So, yes, I agree with you. All of us younger people will be so much happier if we line up all of our useless and bothersome parents against the wall and shoot them. Good Riddance to Bothersome Rubbish. Only I’ll wait for you to fire the first shot.

How did you get to this analysis? I must have missed something. I live in a place that has old people working everywhere. There are many that are happily retired and volunteer their time to my community.
Both of my parents worked very hard their whole lives. Both of them have masters in their chosen fields. My dad still works (Chief of police) that will be a high-liabiliy retirement for him when he decides to stop working. My mother retired this year and she planned everything diligently. She knew for the last 40 years, that this moment was coming.
Everyone needs to plan for their retirement. It doesn't sneak up on you. I wouldn't expect my kids to take care of something that is my responsibility. What kind of example would I be?
The woman that posted this thread, owes nobody for being irresponsible.

I think we struck a personal chord with you Leo. Did you forget to plan for your retirement?
I'm not speaking about leaving elderly people out in the cold. I'm speaking about not putting it on someone else, if you didn't wake up 40 something years ago and realize the day was coming.
It is not the economy, or society. It is personal responsibility.

We all know this day will come, but according to you, if you squalor, it is up to the rest of the world to fix it.

McCain

McCain wrote:How did you get to this analysis? I must have missed something. I live in a place that has old people working everywhere. There are many that are happily retired and volunteer their time to my community.
Both of my parents worked very hard their whole lives. Both of them have masters in their chosen fields. My dad still works (Chief of police) that will be a high-liabiliy retirement for him when he decides to stop working. My mother retired this year and she planned everything diligently. She knew for the last 40 years, that this moment was coming.
Everyone needs to plan for their retirement. It doesn't sneak up on you. I wouldn't expect my kids to take care of something that is my responsibility. What kind of example would I be?
The woman that posted this thread, owes nobody for being irresponsible.

I think we struck a personal chord with you Leo. Did you forget to plan for your retirement?
I'm not speaking about leaving elderly people out in the cold. I'm speaking about not putting it on someone else, if you didn't wake up 40 something years ago and realize the day was coming.
It is not the economy, or society. It is personal responsibility.

We all know this day will come, but according to you, if you squalor, it is up to the rest of the world to fix it.

McCain

Hi McCain,

Well, yes… McCain… I have to hand it to you… you are being perceptive and discerning! I am kind of ashamed of myself…now… because I didn’t expect you to see that, and it must be because I have somehow filtered my own perceptions to somehow underestimate you. My apologies.

But, yes. I am old. I had been relatively rich, but I got downsized from a Great Job and now rely on American Social Security. My bills are more than what Social Security pays. And my successful daughter, well, I really kind of believe that she would rather have me suffer miserably and die before sending me an invite to live in their redecorated broom closet. “Oh Yes, my father is suffering miserably in every way, but I DO have my own happiness to think of, don’t I? If he came here, well, he would be so much in the way, wouldn’t he? So maybe he should just die and be gone. Isn’t that what older people are supposed to do?”

My future is in the hands of a virtual child. Yes, all of us Senior Citizens can definitely rely on the ‘Slacker Generation’ to help us out.

But, yes, McCain, from your perspective, if the Old Folks still own the Farm, and they are making more money than you are, then OF COURSE, kick them out. If they don’t NEED to be there, then they do not HAVE to be there.

Anyway, I have a new appreciation for you, McCain… you seem to be paying more attention to the details than I thought. My fault… maybe I should start reading everything twice through… or I’ll be missing stuff…. “the devil is in the details” and it is the ‘details’ that speed readers always miss.

Oh, McCain, I decided to add something.... I read about how strictly you blame poor people for being poor... and felt I needed to explain myself.... I honestly tried to be rich.... I did.

But, yes. I am old. I had been relatively rich, but, with several stock market downturns, I lost most of my savings, and then I got downsized from a Great Job and now rely on American Social Security. you lay great emphasis on 'planning' for the future, but, honestly, with all of our fates in the hands of Predatory Capitalists and Greedy Bankers who spend their every waking moment contemplating how to transfer OUR Wealth into THEIR wealth, well, can't you concede that sometimes people can do their best to plan of the future, and STILL end up needy and poor? Your World View seems to be the Optimistic View from the 60's or 70's. But Everyone I know who had money, well, Lost It... and yes, they should have been smarter, maybe.... they should have been one of the predatory thieves and market manipulators.... but, really, considering.... only a relatively few people in the World Markets hold those job slots. and there is no way to know what they will do next. they certainly aren't telling.

Leo, were in the same boat, and your right. There are things that unexpectedly come up and can knock a well intended person right off their feet. It happened to my business in 2006. I lost everything due to the ripple effect of Hurricane Katrina. People were not interested in advertisement, there were no more new businesses looking for my marketing skills, and 75% of my clients were realtors . Nobody was buying property or building anymore.
It was devastating for my whole industry and I lost everything.
Since then it has been a long broke journey for me. You and I have this in common. I understand brother.
You also have a very valid perception and have made a good point.
Your friend McCain

McCain wrote:Leo, were in the same boat, and your right. There are things that unexpectedly come up and can knock a well intended person right off their feet. It happened to my business in 2006. I lost everything due to the ripple effect of Hurricane Katrina. People were not interested in advertisement, there were no more new businesses looking for my marketing skills, and 75% of my clients were realtors . Nobody was buying property or building anymore.
It was devastating for my whole industry and I lost everything.
Since then it has been a long broke journey for me. You and I have this in common. I understand brother.
You also have a very valid perception and have made a good point.
Your friend McCain

Hi McCain,

Oh, man, I am SO GLAD that you came back and empathized with me. For a little while I suspected that you were one of those Fox News Followers that just think that all the losers out there should just commit suicide – they don’t say it that directly, but when they are yelling that poverty is the fault of the poor, and that the poor should be left to suffer because that is what they deserve, for not having done all the smart and responsible things it takes to be Rich (like being born rich)…. And all of that is easy to say for them, but when a poor person has no money for a Roof over his Head, or Food to Eat, or Necessary Medication, there is no longer much room for prolonged penitent suffering. At a certain point, without help, people can’t go on. Those with amazing will power can suffer and prolong their agony until they actually really do die of natural causes. But, My God! Can you imagine what it is like to live until you die of starvation!? Weaker, weaker, weaker… and your Mind must begin to go after a while. After a certain point in debilitation, it is hardly likely that these Poor People can be expected to be in their Right Minds. Hence the bizarre behavior we see in malnourished and deprived homeless people out on the street. Maybe with two weeks of good wholesome food and eight hours of uninterrupted sleep every night, these people would NOT be crazy.

Anyway, it was one of the greatest reliefs in my life lately (I have to compare it to a Wind Sheer that stopped a building Typhoon dead in its tracks before it hit my Island here.)

Well, no… I am bit reserved here. Although Misery does Love Company, I am not glad that you got hit really hard too. You did nothing to deserve your Fall. You suffered from purely an Act of God, as they say. Anyway, I really do need to confess, that there was every indication present to a rational Equities Dealer that it was time to Sell, but I didn’t. But the Market kept climbing and I did not want to get off until the last second…. And then when there would be a drop, well, before I could sell, the next day the Market would recover somewhat. So I held off on Selling because, well, How do you know the Top is the Top or the Bottom is the Bottom? If you sell below the true Bottom, then you lose money as the Market bounces back over the price you sold for. So, I just held. And it was appalling how low it finally got. Every single Day Trader I know was wiped out. Nobody I knew was smart enough to sell it all the Month Before. EVERYONE was really Stupid. We ALL got caught up in the ‘Gold Rush’ ‘Bubble’ frenzy. So, really, you could BLAME everyone for being Poor, but what good does that do? They are Poor because they were Stupid and Made Bad Decisions. But, Duh!? Society of Mostly Composed and People with Average to Below Average Intelligence. Smart People comprise only the Top 10 or 20% of People. So there are 80 or 90% of the people that you really can’t hold morally responsible for not being ‘Smart’. Especially, in the circumstances where the Really Smart Devils out there may have intentionally Engineered the Whole Thing to correct the disturbing trend of Distribution of Wealth -- to rip off the Middle Class Investors and return the Preponderance of Wealth to the Elite Upper Class.

Anyway, I am relieved. Thank you for sympathizing. Yes, I could have prevented my own demise but I was stupid and foolish, and thank you tons and tons for not pointing that out. I luv you man. You are my new best friend, McCain (whoa…. I didn ‘t see that happening…)

Dear Leo,

First, thanks for your posts and I'm sorry for my late reply.

As the others have said, there are people who really respect their privacy; I myself do.

And that could be the only root of what others may perceive as our "general attitude" toward others, or in this case, our parents.

I'm sorry if I made some sort of confusion. But I never meant kicking our parents out of the house that we call "our own." It's only a matter of respecting our privacy--this isn't necessarily a fault, it's a preference. There isn't anything wrong with sticking to a preference as long as you're not hurting anyone, that's why I told Fernandita to make sure there are no misunderstandings once everything is on its way.

But I thank you for reminding me or us how we really see our parents (or old people), although I knew right from the start that I would never kick them out of the house only because I want to live alone. That's only one factor. But as you were saying, times are tough--there are a lot more factors to consider. If that's the case, it wouldn't really matter if we don't like living with each other (but not always), under the same roof. We must always be practical.

But there will always be preferences.

Hey, I didn't realize you're an old guy. Thanks for sharing your insights. This conversation has become cooler than I thought!

Regards,
Ethan

Wow, Ethan,

You're a good writer... a nice flow... like you are talking, and you are the kind of person that talks well...

Oh, yes, I'm old. I eat and sleep well, and so people say I look 'young', but after having had an active life, and a couple years of running mountain trails and marathoning.... and a couple of motorcycle accidents...., well... I 'look young' while I am hobbling around from place to place.