I have a sister who suffers from depression and whose consultant believes that depression is a non-curable disease which can only be contained by drugs (strong ones frightening in their side effects). I believe that my sister looks on the drugs as proof that she has an illness and therefore is reluctant to give them up.
She does not control her life - the depression and the drugs do. I find it so depressing (seriously, this is not a pun).
I have long believed that this is wrong and that with a more positive approach my sister could lead a much more fulfilling life. She is in hospital more and more frequently and for longer periods. She went into hospital recently because she felt suicidal but if she feels suicidal with the drugs what hope is there? I was heartened by the Depression Learning Path Website. It gives me hope but only if my sister can let go of her consultant (whom she thinks is the only one who understands her illness and her) and take control of her life.
Her family (my parents and siblings) all believe that her present treatment is hopeless but she feels threatened by the fact that we do not support it. We love her and want the best for her but she does not see it like that - we are a threat because we want something different. I can fully understand that. It would be a very hard and major decision for her to move away from what she has come to rely on.
If anyone can offer any words of comfort I would welcome them.
Helpless Relative
3 posts
• Page 1 of 1
by EllieB » Sat Nov 08, 2003 2:35 pm
- EllieB
by Jeanny25 » Mon Nov 10, 2003 7:32 pm
EllieB,
I just found this forum and read your post and wanted to reply. I'm a psychology student and I'm very familiar with depression (myself and relatives/friends) Though English is my second language so don't mind the "errors"
It's always difficult to deal with someone who is depressed. I still feel sorry most of the time for the people who have to deal with me when I'm feeling depressed.. hehe. Depressed people seem distant, indifferent, and stubborn most of the time. They have little or no hope and confidence and it seems like nothing is getting through to them. But that doesn't mean they don't want help. Have you tried to get your sister to go to another consultant/psychologist? I know in some cases people have to take medicine all their lives, to control depression. But it's not a fact that depression isn't curable. Most of the time it is curable, or at least controlable. And in a lot of cases antidepressives and psychotherapy is the best combination. Does she have therapy or is she only taking medicine for the depression? Does she have someone to talk to about everything? And CAN she talk about everything, or is she holding back? Cause that's one of the most important things/first steps: having someone to TALK TO, someone who understands and who doesn't criticize her in any way. This doesn't even have to be a consultant/psychologist, sometimes someone who knows what it's like to have depressions might be able to help (a little) too.
It's not always easy to find a good psychologist, it wasn't either in my case. Most of the time you first have to "try out" a few. But when you do find a good one, he or she can be of so much help! Because most of the time depression CAN be cured, because there is a cause for it. A psychologist is able to find that cause and deal with it, step by step.
I'm not sure if it is possible in every country, but if I were you I'd go look for a good psychologist myself, carefully tell her about it when you've found one, and suggest the both of you go see him/her. What has she got to lose, right? The medicine aren't helping, so why not try something else? <-- something you could say to her perhaps. Just make sure she feels loved and worthy and that you all want to try and help her.
I hope you can figure something out, because YES, your sister COULD lead a much more fullfilling life. With the right treatment that is. And it doesn't sound like she has the right treatment at the moment. It might even be that the medicine are not the right kind for her. Drugs have different effects on different people, and there are a lot of different kinds of drugs/antidepressives, so there's also hope that other drugs will have a better effect on her.
Maybe you've heard all of this already, I don't know. But I hope it will at least help a little.
Kind regards,
Jeanny
I just found this forum and read your post and wanted to reply. I'm a psychology student and I'm very familiar with depression (myself and relatives/friends) Though English is my second language so don't mind the "errors"
It's always difficult to deal with someone who is depressed. I still feel sorry most of the time for the people who have to deal with me when I'm feeling depressed.. hehe. Depressed people seem distant, indifferent, and stubborn most of the time. They have little or no hope and confidence and it seems like nothing is getting through to them. But that doesn't mean they don't want help. Have you tried to get your sister to go to another consultant/psychologist? I know in some cases people have to take medicine all their lives, to control depression. But it's not a fact that depression isn't curable. Most of the time it is curable, or at least controlable. And in a lot of cases antidepressives and psychotherapy is the best combination. Does she have therapy or is she only taking medicine for the depression? Does she have someone to talk to about everything? And CAN she talk about everything, or is she holding back? Cause that's one of the most important things/first steps: having someone to TALK TO, someone who understands and who doesn't criticize her in any way. This doesn't even have to be a consultant/psychologist, sometimes someone who knows what it's like to have depressions might be able to help (a little) too.
It's not always easy to find a good psychologist, it wasn't either in my case. Most of the time you first have to "try out" a few. But when you do find a good one, he or she can be of so much help! Because most of the time depression CAN be cured, because there is a cause for it. A psychologist is able to find that cause and deal with it, step by step.
I'm not sure if it is possible in every country, but if I were you I'd go look for a good psychologist myself, carefully tell her about it when you've found one, and suggest the both of you go see him/her. What has she got to lose, right? The medicine aren't helping, so why not try something else? <-- something you could say to her perhaps. Just make sure she feels loved and worthy and that you all want to try and help her.
I hope you can figure something out, because YES, your sister COULD lead a much more fullfilling life. With the right treatment that is. And it doesn't sound like she has the right treatment at the moment. It might even be that the medicine are not the right kind for her. Drugs have different effects on different people, and there are a lot of different kinds of drugs/antidepressives, so there's also hope that other drugs will have a better effect on her.
Maybe you've heard all of this already, I don't know. But I hope it will at least help a little.
Kind regards,
Jeanny
- Jeanny25
by Roger Elliott » Mon Nov 10, 2003 9:51 pm
Hi EllieB
It must be just awful seeing your sister suffer so badly. The helplessness relatives often feel in this sort of situation is incredibly difficult to deal with.
When I hear from people trying to help relatives in this way, I always recommend they get them to read the Depression Learning Path too.
Until the depressed person truly understands what is going on, it is incredibly difficult for them to 1) be hopeful 2) take some control, both of which are essential for effective long term recovery.
I must make the point that, although individual cases cannot be determined by statistics, contrary to the previous post, appropriate psychotherapy has been shown to be just as effective as drugs, or a combination, and more effective at preventing relapse.
Ref: http://www.apa.org/journals/anton.html
The best of luck to you Ellie, and if you can get your sister to go over the Learning Path, even if you have to go through it with her, it can make all the difference.
Roger
It must be just awful seeing your sister suffer so badly. The helplessness relatives often feel in this sort of situation is incredibly difficult to deal with.
When I hear from people trying to help relatives in this way, I always recommend they get them to read the Depression Learning Path too.
Until the depressed person truly understands what is going on, it is incredibly difficult for them to 1) be hopeful 2) take some control, both of which are essential for effective long term recovery.
I must make the point that, although individual cases cannot be determined by statistics, contrary to the previous post, appropriate psychotherapy has been shown to be just as effective as drugs, or a combination, and more effective at preventing relapse.
Ref: http://www.apa.org/journals/anton.html
The best of luck to you Ellie, and if you can get your sister to go over the Learning Path, even if you have to go through it with her, it can make all the difference.
Roger
- Roger Elliott
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