Angry All My Life

Well, Leo, I'll admit it that I've been angry at other things besides my mom. It's going on two weeks tomorrow that I've not said an angry word to her. Im very proud of myself. That's a HUGE accomplishment in my life. I need to keep it going forever.

Danacovert82 wrote:Well, Leo, I'll admit it that I've been angry at other things besides my mom. It's going on two weeks tomorrow that I've not said an angry word to her. Im very proud of myself. That's a HUGE accomplishment in my life. I need to keep it going forever.

Don't be so extreme in your expectations.

You're allowed to slip up once in a while.

The most important principle to stay true to is being honest with your self and increasing your awareness of the triggers that set you off, and which aspects of your sensitivity they target.

So, just say,"I slipped up"? Then move on? Or what should I say on here?

Danacovert82 wrote:So, just say,"I slipped up"? Then move on? Or what should I say on here?

After you've caught your self slipping up and you've cooled down significantly, then analyze why you slipped up and determine for your self to what extent you were at fault.
Depending on how much responsability you feel like you had in slipping up, you can then offer your excuses if you want and perhaps choose to share, with the one who put you off, the reason why you became angry.

The method which has worked for me is to increase my awareness of the emotional dynamic which regulates my reaction to the external world, and in turn to develop an attitude of transparancy so that those who previously used to enrage you might get to know you better, and become more apt at interacting with you in a harmonious way.

It's a tango but you are the leading man.

So, what you're saying to me is try to figure out what made me slip up and only if I want to come here and talk about it. And that I need to make myself open to people and let them see the good actions in me and they'll want to be my friend and talk to me.

Danacovert82 wrote:So, what you're saying to me is try to figure out what made me slip up and only if I want to come here and talk about it. And that I need to make myself open to people and let them see the good actions in me and they'll want to be my friend and talk to me.

More of that, indeed.

Paired with increasing your honesty in situations when you feel pissed off, so that if someone pisses you off (s)he at least knows what got you going.
This may help a lot.
And you may receive constructive assistance out of unexpected corners.

Okay I'll try that. I honestly am content right now. Just saying.

Hi Dan, Hi Introspectah,

Wow…. Everything seems good here. Dan, yes, I agree with Introspectah’s advice, but only wish to qualify it as to the Time Factor… you see, whenever you significantly annoy another person, where they too get all steamed up by the situation, well, you can’t instantly go into ‘fix it’ mode… remember that you are all charged up with Anger Management Principles and while you may be already prepared to make thing better and move forward, because you want to cut short the usual Dark and Angry Process, and understandably so, but I think that it would be wise to wait until the other person can be expected to be no longer in the seething stage of hatred… fantasizing your death by a thousand stabs… let the other person cool off a bit so that when you DO approach, that he or she will not brissel up defensively…. You will be able to see that… and just say “Good Morning” and keep on going, and wait for later for your heart to heart talk.

Oh, there was a University Study done, and they figured out the best way to make friends and gain confidences… maybe they should keep such things secret… but, the ‘trick’ is to ask people for some little favor. Girls used to ask Gentlemen for a ‘light’. Ask a person for the Time. Stranded by the trains and all you need is a Bob. Well, by asking for a Favor, you are in effect putting yourself in another person’s Power, and People like that for some reason, holy or unholy as it may be.

So, with people you have really offended badly, well, ask them to see if they can help you repair some of the damage. “My God, but this looks so Bad! I am so sorry I was so, well, forward with you the other day… you know how it goes… my wife’s nagging gave me a headache, and then there was this situation at work, and yes, of course I should not have jumped on you…. You are doing a great job, but I was quite unreasonably expecting you to bat 1000 (an American expression meaning to hit every pitch in baseball, which because of very small balls and very thin bats is nearly impossible to do. The ‘1000’ derives from the peculiar way Americans have of doing their baseball statistics… that the failure to success ratios are multiplied by a Thousand to get “Batting Averages” rather than just by 100 to get ‘Percentages’, as with all other civilized peoples, so, anyway, to ‘Bat’ at a 30% success rate is called “batting 300” in American baseball, which is actually pretty good, considering how fast the balls go and how small the balls are how thin the bats…) . “But”, you can continue to say, “I was wrong and you were right, but now I need your help in the Damage Control for all of this. Please let me be able to tell everyone that we fixed all of this up… that we were a couple of friends that had a quarrelsome moment during a bad workday, but now it’s all just ancient history and that we are going out to have a beer, on me, and laugh about it tonight….”

So, don’t , strategically speaking, just apologize and ask forgiveness, but make it look like you are asking it as a personal favor. ‘a Conspiracy among Enemies’. God, but nobody knows how many times Churchill and Hitler resorted to their roundabout circuits of communication to ask for ‘little favors’… usually about Airplanes being scheduled to make Air Drops for Humanitarian Supplies. German Planes would drop Christmas Packages for German Prisoners right over Sussex in broad daylight, and British Planes would have the run of France for dropping their Humanitarian Packages. Yes, it doesn’t seem as though it helped much in the bigger picture, but we simply do not know how many Mercies were extended to each other when the fighting got really tough later on in the War. Can anyone ever be totally “tooth and claw” with somebody with whom they had made Christmas Arrangements with?

I believe I'm doing good at this point guys. If you want to offer anymore advice, please do so. If not, I'll take all of the advice and apply it.

Hi Dan,
Anger can have both a physical and emotional basis. You might have your doctor check you out for high testosterone levels. If this hormone is too high, anger issues may continue to plague you.

If there is no physical cause, then your anger has its roots in your mind. You might begin by not identifying with your anger. Avoid such comments as I am angry. Instead say to yourself, I am feeling anger. Next take your feeling of anger out and look at it. Do you have a strong need to be in control of all things and people in your life? (Be careful not to lie to yourself about this.) Is your anger fear based? I know one guy who responds with anger whenever someone close to him becomes ill or injured. This anger is fear based.

Another contributer to feelings of anger is hate media. Do you expose yourself to that type of stimulus? If so, eliminate the bulk of it from your life.

The object is not to control your anger, but simply eliminate most of it from your life. The telephone interrupting what you are doing is an undeniable annoyance, but certainly no cause for anger. Other people expressing their opinions opposite those you hold is also no cause for anger. This is an ego based anger. Maybe you perceive the person as threatening to your self esteem or a core belief you hold.

In summary, get a checkup to check your hormone levels. If those are normal, recognize your anger as a feeling, but don't assume it's who you are because it's not. Try and understand the real reason you are angry. This may take some work. Without knowing you, it's impossible for me to offer anything more specific.. A good psychologist can help. However, there are numerous great books that cover the reasons for anger issues. To ferret out the cause of your issues will require a great deal of introspection and self honesty.

Another contributer to feelings of anger is hate media. Do you expose yourself to that type of stimulus? If so, eliminate the bulk of it from your life.

How do I do that? I just don't watch the news because of the negativity.

Danacovert82 wrote:

Another contributer to feelings of anger is hate media. Do you expose yourself to that type of stimulus? If so, eliminate the bulk of it from your life.

How do I do that? I just don't watch the news because of the negativity.

Medium:

< Meaning "intermediate agency, channel of communication" is from c. 1600.

The news is but one aspect of that.

HI Danacovert82,

It sounds like you have a disconnection with yourself and with what really makes you happy. One thing that you need to understand is that, people will always tell others or point fingers at others in reference to how they need to act, when at times they need adjusting themselves. We as humans need to learn how to handle those moments by simply learning to understand as to why they might be asking you to do or make a change of some sort in your life, you do not have to agree with them, and even if it's sounds annoying to you at that moment, try to take a breather and kindly say thank you I will take it into consideration.

One of the best ways that I dealt with mix emotions as I was going through my own transformation and continue to do after, is journal, the best time is when you feel like you are about to explode, instead of taking it out on anyone, write it down, the more you do it, the more your head and your emotions start to make sense and you start seeing who and what you need to take from your life, who and what you need to keep, the changes that you need to make, and the action plan as to how you plan to make it happen.

You can learn to manage your emotions and your actions, by committing to really transform your life, so you can enjoy it, instead of dreading you live in it. By committing to personal development, this comes in many forms, books, e-books, videos, audio cd's (this are the best as you can really listen and make sense as to what they are saying, as you are driving to your destinations through out the day, seminars and online coaching programs. All this places, have people with similar goals, to make the change they need to be a better person and better contributor to yourself and your community.


Anger Management as people call it, in reality, the way I see it, after my own experiences is that they are emotions running wild from past negative experiences that, at this point, have you overwhelmed like a fire cracker. The faster you commit to taking action every day, to help you towards your goal, the closer you will be.

Changing an old habit, is not easy, yet is not IMPOSSIBLE either....it all has to do with the mindset, and all it takes in one switch and your life and the life of all those around you... will transform.


Have an Incredible, Safe, Healthy and Blessed 2015 and God Bless and Protect You and Your Loved Ones Always!

Katherinn Palacio