Growing up my parent tore me down emotionally and mentally. I was called a sissy or a punk, little bitch or what not. It even got to the point that my 'parent' would wish i would be beaten up by people in the neighborhood for their satisfaction. This went on for years
Now I have been in martial arts for along time and I realize the connection it has to my child hood trying to undo the emotional damage that was done by rebuilding a new self image- but now I'm being encouraged to compete in tournaments. I've spoken about this in other threads, but i have terrible anxiety that is brought about when even the thought of competing comes up.
I guess the thought is, if I win thats great
If I lose then it validates all the terrible things that I internalized growing up.
The anxiety is the collision between how I want to view myself vs the mental abuse that I have lingering in the back of my mind.
how Do I over come this ?