Don't like anyone...

**Posts:** 3 · by **lulzydoll** » Sat Mar 01, 2014 9:33 am

I don't know if this really belongs in Anger Management, because I am not really angry, per se, but please move it if it's more appropriate somewhere else. I'm looking for some advice or feedback.

I have the most difficult time liking people. Throughout high school, I had a good amount of friends, but I always managed to find something about each and every one of them that turned me off to the point that I did or said something to end the friendship. During college, I had one friend (literally... one) for about 4 months. She ended up being really sketchy and dishonest, so I stopped talking to her and didn't give her my number when I got a new phone. This is all only realized looking back, because at these times I never really noticed I was like this. I am extremely shy and introverted. It takes me a LONG time to start really talking to someone and opening up, although only my boyfriend and one longtime friend have gotten the real scoop on things. However, I have lost most contact with that friend. But once I do warm up to people, I almost always get along with them. I'm a nice person usually, and I can like someone at a distance for a pretty long time. Like, if they don't talk much, or at all, and I don't get to know them. Once I get to know someone, I almost always dislike them. Two years ago I moved out of state to be with my boyfriend of 3.5 years. I got a job here in the first few weeks, and that job (which I still have) has really opened my eyes to how I am in this respect. I'm pretty cool with my boss, and after working at the job for a while, I started opening up to him about my feelings on other employees and co-workers. He'll always be like, damn, you got issues... like you have a problem with everyone. At first, I would just write it off like ya, whatever. And then I had a revelation. When I thought about it, he was right... I really don't like anyone. Well, I shouldn't say anyone. I like my parents, my boyfriend, that one longtime friend, and two or three people at work are OK. I know when I say all of this I sound pompous. Maybe I am, but I recognize many qualities in myself that I don't like also. My boyfriend will tell me to lower my standards for "friends," because I should be able to spend time with people and have fun without silently hating on everything they do. He thinks I am way too critical of people, and that it's OK to dislike things about friends and acquaintances, yet still enjoy spending time with them. But I am also really prideful, and the people I talk to basically have to chase me around in order for me to respond to them. I don't like feeling needy or dependent on anyone, so if I begin to lose touch with someone, I will just let it go and not really pursue the friendship any longer. It doesn't usually bother me that I don't have friends or people I talk to, but there are times when I do get kind of sad and think that it might be nice to have people to share stories and experiences with. A guy at my job recently passed away, and hundreds of people commented on his Facebook page, sharing really beautiful memories they had with him. He had such an impact on so many people's lives. I later thought to myself, damn, if I died today, there would be like one person leaving a comment on my page while everyone else I ever met would be at home thinking what a cold bitch I was. I'm really not cold or mean, and I do have compassion for other people. I just cannot find a way to see the best in people. I am constantly hating on and judging the way people behave, think, and live their lives. I just don't know why I'm like that. I'm so overly critical and always feel secondary in conversations... that people are so self-absorbed they don't ever really want to get to know me. So, I think, what's the point? You suck anyway. Can anyone relate to this?

**Posts:** 1 · by **Anders23** » Sat Mar 01, 2014 10:58 am

I made an account only to say I can relate to this. I feel like I don't have much in common with people in my age and I do not agree with what many people say. People in my age tend to be very immature, selfish and disrespectful. I have only 1 good friend, which I don't see that often even though we live quite close to each other. However, I have other friends, but we don't connect the same way I do with my other 1 friend that I mentioned, and I often feel it's better to be alone and enjoy a good movie or videogame, since I am quite introverted and I do not mind being alone most of the time. But as you said, there are times when I do get kind of sad and think that it might be nice to have people to share stories and experiences with. I'm also a kind person and I care about others, I really do. But it's hard because most of the times I only get sh** back, and it's very important to not let the behaviour of others remove the smile on your face. I have to remind myself of that everyday. I often feel misunderstood in conversations.

I've become more sensitive of people's behaviour after I was being treated badly and bullied for 2 years, I had panicattacks and was very nervous and insecure in almost every situation, and I couldn't speak(and 4 years later I still can't)infront of people. That really changed me as a person and I have learned a lot from it now that I'm not in that situation anymore(except for speaking infront of people which I'm still trying to get over). I've become more aware of how other people treat each other and what I can do to become a better person every day, because I am generally a very positive person. Which makes it hard to get friends and connect with people since many people haven't and will never reach that level of awareness.
Has something similar happened to you that changed your view of people?

I think the solution is to focus on the positive in people, and "lower your standards" temporarily if it helps get through the day at work or at school, just so you can talk to them(there are times I don't want to talk to anyone, and that's okay). But then also try to search for people you can really connect with, and the best way to do that is to get to know more people and do what you love to do, stay true to yourself. The people you don't agree with very much might have a friend you don't know yet that might become your best friend.

I also hate feeling this way, I really don't want to feel that I don't like many people, but it's hard since they give me a reason to not like them! As I said before I do see myself as a very positive person even if it's hard to always look positive, and my only goal in life is to become happy and have a happy and healthy life. I'd suggest to be careful with the phrase "I don't like anyone" because there are good people out there, that's for sure. And I think that with a positive attitude/mentality you'll eventually meet them.

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Sat Mar 01, 2014 9:30 pm

You were probably taught to be critical of yourself and others before you even realised you were learning it. You certainly were not born criticising people. You can forgive the people who taught you to be like that, they could not possibly have given you unconditional love if they did not have that love for themselves.

You can change now, you can choose your next thought, you can recondition your responses to people, you deserve happiness just because you exist and the easiest way to have more friends is to be more friendly. Smile more, compliment more, accept people more, forgive people more, encourage more, respect more, praise more, thank people more and when you do more of all these beautiful things then they come back to you.

Literally repeating to yourself "I am my own best friend, I release the need to criticise" hundreds of times a day will make a massive difference to the quality of your life.

**Posts:** 3 · by **lulzydoll** » Sun Mar 02, 2014 9:41 am

Anders23 wrote:I made an account only to say I can relate to this. I feel like I don't have much in common with people in my age and I do not agree with what many people say. People in my age tend to be very immature, selfish and disrespectful. I have only 1 good friend, which I don't see that often even though we live quite close to each other. However, I have other friends, but we don't connect the same way I do with my other 1 friend that I mentioned, and I often feel it's better to be alone and enjoy a good movie or videogame, since I am quite introverted and I do not mind being alone most of the time. But as you said, there are times when I do get kind of sad and think that it might be nice to have people to share stories and experiences with. I'm also a kind person and I care about others, I really do. But it's hard because most of the times I only get sh** back, and it's very important to not let the behaviour of others remove the smile on your face. I have to remind myself of that everyday. I often feel misunderstood in conversations.

I've become more sensitive of people's behaviour after I was being treated badly and bullied for 2 years, I had panicattacks and was very nervous and insecure in almost every situation, and I couldn't speak(and 4 years later I still can't)infront of people. That really changed me as a person and I have learned a lot from it now that I'm not in that situation anymore(except for speaking infront of people which I'm still trying to get over). I've become more aware of how other people treat each other and what I can do to become a better person every day, because I am generally a very positive person. Which makes it hard to get friends and connect with people since many people haven't and will never reach that level of awareness.
Has something similar happened to you that changed your view of people?

I think the solution is to focus on the positive in people, and "lower your standards" temporarily if it helps get through the day at work or at school, just so you can talk to them(there are times I don't want to talk to anyone, and that's okay). But then also try to search for people you can really connect with, and the best way to do that is to get to know more people and do what you love to do, stay true to yourself. The people you don't agree with very much might have a friend you don't know yet that might become your best friend.

I also hate feeling this way, I really don't want to feel that I don't like many people, but it's hard since they give me a reason to not like them! As I said before I do see myself as a very positive person even if it's hard to always look positive, and my only goal in life is to become happy and have a happy and healthy life. I'd suggest to be careful with the phrase "I don't like anyone" because there are good people out there, that's for sure. And I think that with a positive attitude/mentality you'll eventually meet them.

Thanks for sharing! I went through a difficult time during middle and high school. I have one brother and one sister, and they are both drug addicts. I dealt with some traumatic situations (e.g. brother trying to commit suicide a couple times, sister going missing for days at a time, etc.) and just the day-to-day issues of living with addicts. I think that period in my life was when I first began feeling kind of misunderstood. My parents are great, no lie, but they made a lot of mistakes in how they dealt with my siblings. As they continued to enable them, I was always kind of left in the dust. My parents were so focused on what my brother and sister were doing that it didn't really matter what I did. I resented them for it for a long time, and I felt like no one I turned to truly understood how I felt. I put up with a lot of sh** from my brother and sister, and, in turn, from my parents. Even though I was the best child of the three, I was never awarded the attention or praise most kids get. Anyway, I think that entire situation made me really skeptical of people. I had lost trust in my own family, so it became really difficult for me to trust anyone. In my eyes, everyone had wronged me or was bound to at some point. I got over all this during college, but maybe these thoughts and feelings still persist in my relationships with people. I don't really know.

**Posts:** 3 · by **lulzydoll** » Sun Mar 02, 2014 9:44 am

JuliusFawcett wrote:You were probably taught to be critical of yourself and others before you even realised you were learning it. You certainly were not born criticising people. You can forgive the people who taught you to be like that, they could not possibly have given you unconditional love if they did not have that love for themselves.

You can change now, you can choose your next thought, you can recondition your responses to people, you deserve happiness just because you exist and the easiest way to have more friends is to be more friendly. Smile more, compliment more, accept people more, forgive people more, encourage more, respect more, praise more, thank people more and when you do more of all these beautiful things then they come back to you.

Literally repeating to yourself "I am my own best friend, I release the need to criticise" hundreds of times a day will make a massive difference to the quality of your life.

Thanks for the reply! I actually really like that quote... never heard it before. I am sure you're right, and I know it's possible for me to recondition the way I think, feel, and act towards and about people. I guess it's just hard!

**Posts:** 10113 · by **JuliusFawcett** » Sun Mar 02, 2014 10:06 am

lulzydoll wrote:
JuliusFawcett wrote:You were probably taught to be critical of yourself and others before you even realised you were learning it. You certainly were not born criticising people. You can forgive the people who taught you to be like that, they could not possibly have given you unconditional love if they did not have that love for themselves.

You can change now, you can choose your next thought, you can recondition your responses to people, you deserve happiness just because you exist and the easiest way to have more friends is to be more friendly. Smile more, compliment more, accept people more, forgive people more, encourage more, respect more, praise more, thank people more and when you do more of all these beautiful things then they come back to you.

Literally repeating to yourself "I am my own best friend, I release the need to criticise" hundreds of times a day will make a massive difference to the quality of your life.

Thanks for the reply! I actually really like that quote... never heard it before. I am sure you're right, and I know it's possible for me to recondition the way I think, feel, and act towards and about people. I guess it's just hard!

It actually takes no more effort than the thought patterns that you currently choose, it does take courage, and it happens at the perfect time, when the suffering you are creating for yourself gets to a point where it becomes obvious that you would like to change and create more happiness in your life and happiness in the lives of the people around you. Guess what, I bet you find it easier than you think it is

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