Have to get this off my chest

Sorry this is long, but it’s been a year.

From landscape, fence, mice infestations, adoptions and many dump runs, I've dedicated most of my life to family matters since April. My parent’s are/were elderly. My mother is now gone, and he has dementia. So I’ve had plenty to do. They were hoarders, I won’t bore you with it, but the office alone took me 50 hours. Just Christmas alone could completely stock a“Hallmark” store with excess. Things are a little stressful, and surely this covers psychology. I learned a long time ago death brings out true colors every time. It’s like karma, never misses.

My mother was intelligent and thoughtful; she tried to set things up right, and did so with one mistake, which is she put my youngest brother first order as trustee/POA. Thing is, my youngest bro is selfish, devious, a compulsive liar and cheat. Much of that was dormant the last 2-3 decades, but then my mother got sick. My bro married a gal who is nothing short of manipulative, they’re a perfect match. She crawls up the butts of the elderly, go figure, they’ve very materialistic.

My mom said my youngest bro was 1st order because “his wife was so capable.” She’s capable alright, she dressed just like my mother, and tried to take on her persona immediately following my mother’s death. She’s very successful in the medical field. They’re wealthy and no kids. They pretend that was an accident, but that’s another lie, my brother is too selfish to have kids. My mom said she knew me, but overlooked I’m the accountant per se, with plenty of experience. She also forgot I beat both of them out in business law for #1 (ha!). My mother was a lawyer, but I don’t have a degree less a GED. Formal education hasn’t been for me since the 4th grade.

Psychology 101: There are three boys. I’m the middle child, which comes without much description. My oldest brother is a very good man, but of course he and my parents butted heads. It comes with the territory, he’s the oldest. Use your imagination for the youngest, it varies by family. In our case he was the baby of course, and my mother wouldn’t call him on things she should - she wanted to believe him.

My sister in-law “she was like a daughter to mom = power of some sort” is a nurse and worked her way to administration. They promised my mother she’d live with them when that time come, but of course that day never came. I arranged for in-home care, because all she could do is talk about doing it. I arranged for hospice too, all while they talked about it. I arranged for my step-dad’s memory care home when she supposedly checked the entire area and “none are available anywhere near us”. The place is two minutes from their house, though of course I take more care of my step-dad. He calls me 10 times a day sometimes, it's the same conversation over and over again.

I adopted mom’s first German Shepard a month before she passed. They couldn’t handle him, and my step-dad abused him. Word to the wise, elderly should not adopt young strong Shepard’s. He was formally trained however, and I made easy work of him from day one. He was just hyper at their place.

So my mom passed in August and my step-dad couldn't even make a sandwich. They had a second shepherd that’s crippled due to arthritis in her back. She looked done. I got my step-dad into a home and adopted that Shepard the same day. Since then we’ve taken some weight off of her. She’s happy, where as she had been very depressed. She has some poop problems on occasion, but the other dogs and I adore her, we’ll see how it goes.

My sister in-law said they’d take that dog, but then they said “only to put her down right away”. They said they’d take my step-dad in lieu of a memory care center too “so he could smoke” If you saw their home, knew them and the status of my step-dad you’d know that’s BS too.

I spent most of the time with my mother, especially during her last week. My youngest brother and his wife decided to stay the night, which was during her last night. He called me to say mom passed at 6:30 am. Thing is, I live 1 minute away from their house, my older brother just 5. No explanation whether he fell asleep, she passed quickly or what. We believe he wanted to make it personal, very odd. In addition to being devious my bro doesn’t think clearly. He and his wife drink too much, and at least he is addicted to pain killers. They tried to cheat my older bro. out of a painting because "it was above her bed, and they had many intimate conversations under that painting". Just weird man.

That’s the background, so here’s since…….

I insisted on keeping the books, and my older bro agrees. My youngest bro doesn’t like it, he just won’t say so. What he’s great at trying to do is passive aggression over documentation, and that’s for good reason, he was caught cheating the estate from right out of the gate. I say that literally. The documentation is important not just for scrutiny, but there are rules surrounding all expenditures they don’t quite understand, even though it’s in writing. Probably because they don’t want to understand.

The days before my mother’s service my sister in-law was up my butt over cashing bonds in my name as if it's any of her business. She said my older bro. and I were conspiring against them and hung up on me. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, since then I keep good notes. I cashed the bonds the following week and split it three ways with my brothers. He cashed the bonds in his name a month later (note the timeline & events) and then cheated my brother and I out of a portion he claimed was for 23% in tax, but his math is wrong. He never did tell us the total as if we’re stupid.

While my older brother and I cleaned up the house, my youngest bro and his wife spent most of their time going through the house looking for valuables. Big house, they didn’t even finish a room. They had plenty of time to take what they wanted however.

My youngest brother makes accusations, sometimes because he forgets, and all are unfounded, though often projected. They went after all the kids as well, completely destroying their relationships. They’ve taken away my step-dad’s credit card and don’t allow him to have money in his pocket, which he loves to have ($100 will last him a month, he has plenty of income). I’m not rich, but I often take him out for a meal, which he loves. My step-dad is old school Lt. Col Marine and likes to pick up the tip. They cut off my step-dad from his only friend because he mistakenly bought him a pack of cigarettes. My bro told us he’d allow my step-dad's daughter to take him for 5K a month, when the home he’s at costs $6400. It’s more expensive where she's at, and In-home care would be much more. It’s my step-dad’s money and he has the income, WTH?

My youngest brother has proved unable to meet his responsibility and consistently lies about it. Lucky for him I have the brains and try and help, but he doesn’t listen to anyone, even said so in his eulogy. Course that’s a lie too, his wife manipulates him. He consistently can’t even do simple things, like taking a balance on a specific date and dividing by two. Yet he’s good with math, I don’t get it. I give him the numbers, it’s all in a clean workbook, but that’s assuming he’s turned in the paperwork, which is a “struggle” for him. That and he refuses to read what's there anyway.

My oldest brother and I have done much of the red-tape. My youngest bro comes on top of us saying “I took care of it” even though it’s documented otherwise, he just doesn’t read it. He consistently says he has to take care of things he’s said were already done.

Last thing I want is for me or my older brother to take over as trustee-POA. It would do my youngest bro in, you would not believe how important this status is to my younger bro, he reminded us of this 10x a day the week prior to my mother’s death. He’s a little fragile, loves “power”. Only thing my older bro and I want is to get things done and in the right way.

Then there’s Christmas. I’m mom’s “best Christmas gift” come Christmas eve. I’ll polish her chandelier for the occasion one last time. That was tradition some how, and my mother and I are very spiritual. She had dinner all the time, so this time it’s at my place. I passively invited my youngest bro, and nobody is happy to hear they plan on coming. I’ll give it a chance though, everyone should try. Meanwhile their previous words and actions have completely cut everyone off, it’s crazy.

It's not looking a lot like Christmas.