Depressed or not depressed.

Hi Antigreen,

One thing I might suggest is reading The Depression Learning Path to see if that gives you any insight.

The other thing I would ask is how would you like your life to be different? What changes, if any would you like to make in your life?

There are plenty of changes I would wish to make...

However, the only realistic change I want, is for me to do good in school...
I BARELY passed this year... my last report card was like-
A
B
B
F
D

The D though, was only 3 points off from being an F, and if it was just that 3 points lower, I would've failed.

But, the thing that is truly pathetic about all that is, is that I tried my best, and still did so horribly.

I use to be a straight A student, and now I barely do good enough to pass.

Hi Antigreen,

So, if the only realistic change you want is to do better in school, does it matter to you if you are depressed or not depressed?

I wondered what you think had stopped you performing as brilliantly as you had before?

Well, precisely since my mom died, I have done HORRIBLE in school...
I don't really see how the 2 are linked, but thats when my performance started to drop.

And id just like to say, on the day my mom died, I witnessed her very death, however, no body in real life knows that I saw that happen.

And I don't know if it matters to me if I'm depressed or not depressed...
I have no way of being certain what it is that I feel, want, or need, because I fall into denial very easily, and I may even be in denial about many things at this very moment, but I have no way of knowing.

Hi Antigreen,

Thanks for a very open reply.

I think it's quite normal for people to feel very upset and to grieve the death of a parent, and it's especially hard if you witnessed your mom's death, and on top of that you can't tell anyone that you saw it happen - that's a lot to take on.

I don't know anyone whose school results wouldn't be affected in that situation, I wonder how you did so well as to get an A and 2 Bs in the circumstances.

You say you fall into denial easily - how do you know that, and when you are in denial? How are things different when you're not in denial?

Best wishes.

Well, that one A was in social studies, the only reason I got that A, was because I was one of the 3 students who behaved in that class...

And the 2 B's, one was in English, the other was in reading...
I have no idea how I got a B in English, I thought I did horrible in English.
And the B in reading... Well, that class was just extremely easy, nothing really academic about it, all I had to do was read a story, and take a test on it.

I have no way of knowing when I'm in denial, but I know that I fall into denial easily, because there have been ALOT of things Ive fallen into denial about, many of which happened years ago.

Example- My mom died 2 years ago, just a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that I was deeply affected by it... I originally thought(when I was in denial) that I was unaffected by her death.

And there are many traumatic events that took place in the past, of which I have been in denial about for a LONG time, but just recently noticed that I was deeply affected by those events.(once again, I thought I was completely unaffected, once again while I was in denial)

How are things different from when I'm not in denial?
I'm extremely sad.
Thats whats different.
When I'm in denial, I'm not happy, but I'm not sad either.

Hi Antigreen

Thankyou for your posts. Being 'in denial' has often been thought of as somehow wrong or 'unhealthy'. However another way of describing so called denial is coping or 'compartmentalising'. In order to function we do need to 'put things away' sometimes so we can focus on other things'. This can be a legitimate and essential life skill.

How have you been affected by the events you spoke of?

Do you have people around you who can help and support you? Have you got understanding freinds? You can use this forum any time you wish to.

All the best.

Mark.

Well, Ive only spoken of one thing, and that is my parents death.
Well, my dad died was I was too little to remember, so I'm unaffected by his death, since I pretty much never knew him...
But, my mom died when I was 12, and ever since her death, I have isolated myself from everyone, I have become extremely irritable, and my performance in school has been horrible, and I'm obviously sad about her death. But allso, due to my crappy academic performance, I know longer plan to be successful, and have instead decided to go into the military, so Id atleast be doing something of some importance.

And no, I do not have friends, and I have no one to turn to.

You arent asking for information on the other things though, are you?

No you don't need to go into all kinds of personal stuff if you'd rather not. It is good that you have a goal (being in the military). What other aspirations or goals do you have for the future?

Mark.

None.
All I plan to do, is lead a military career till I retire.

And me going into the military isn't so much a goal...
Id just prefer to work in the military, instead of being a burger flipper at some fastfood restaurant.

My mother died when I was 12 too.
My academic performance suffered terribly too.
I also felt I was unaffected. I didn't have any close friends at the time, but my family all were worried about me and seemed to think that I *should* be affected. In some ways that bothered me more than anything else at the time :-s
Anyway, just as I seemed to be getting myself together (although still certain that I had not been unduly affected by my mother's death - much as I missed her and was still sad), when I was 16 my brother was killed in a car accident - which also took the life of my sister's husband!
I was very close to my brother too - and at 23 it was particularly tragic. This set me back a lot, but I still didn't really see that I was affected by it - just very sad (and a bit lonely - although I had one or two good friends at the time).
But slowly, again I picked up. I didn't do terribly well at school in the end - despite many of my teachers saying how much potential I had. But I made it on my own with no qualifications in the computer programming world, just through determination and making my own luck!
Then I got married and realised that I felt I could open up to my wife more than I could with anyone else - and that's when I started to realise I had been affected after all. I got depressed (and this was eight years after my brother's death). Unfortunately my wife had psychological problems of her own (which to this day she denies - except when she uses it as an excuse :-s), and it ended in divorce
That set me back a long way - already being depressed, and now losing the closest person to me again...
Just as I as getting over that - two years ago my nephew (my sister's son) was killed in a motorbike accident. Although not as close to him as I had been to the others I was still close, and this time I felt the affect straight away (now "attunded" to it)!
But I also had more perspective and could see beyond the blacker moments!
It was shortly after this that I felt I had hit rock bottom and decided to do something about it. This involved a lot of personal research - which ultimately has led me here (see my recent posting in the main psychology forum re: career change).
Right now I want to make a difference, help others and move things forward if possible. I am studying again to that end.
Antigreen, I hope you don't go through as many tragedies as I have had in my life - although there are plenty of people who have gone through worse - but I know that if I hadn't gone through what I went through I wouldn't be in the position I am today - and I hope that I can help many more people than I have lost.
You are nearer the beginning of where I started my story - how your life unfolds from here is yet for you to see - but know that it will! That might sound obvious, but it sounds like at the moment you don't see much for yourself in the future - although you acknowledge you want to make a difference somehow. Maybe if you imagined yourself in some other situation in the future (preferably a positive one), thinking back on now and the path between you, it might help you to see that there *will be* a path - and hopefully you will soon find yourself taking an active part in defining it!

Oh, and btw, just to round off my own story - I am now engaged to be married again, and my fiancee is amazing!

I hope this is of some help!

Best regards,

Milamber.

BTW, I forget to mention...

While I was working towards getting into the computer business I flipped burgers for a while in the local fast food joint. It wasn't all that bad, but I wouldn't want to be still doing that today, that's for sure

Best regards,

Milamber