by angel_lotus » Fri Nov 27, 2009 9:59 pm
Dear Stella and Briary,
I've been reading your posts for several days and you have both touched my heart. I actually came across this site because I have recently weaned myself off Lamictal (down to 25 mg from 200), and have been incredibly hungry. I was searching to see if going off Lamictal caused this to happen.
I have taken great interest in your stories as I was anorexic and bulimic for about 10 years from about age 13-23 or so. I am now 44. I somehow stopped these behaviors on my own, and they have not reappeared. However, the behavior pattern of wanting to control my appearance and becoming obsessed about myself in other ways still manifests.
I am writing to offer some help, if I can. This year I have been dealing with an obsession about my skin which I have realized stems from the anorexic/bulimic pattern. The anxiety surrounding this issue has been intense. Without getting into the details, I have spent many hours a day and cried many tears over this behavior which I couldn't understand. I became more and more depressed and thought there wasn't a way out. I totally empathize with obsessive behavior as you both have mentioned as it begins to rule your life. Slowly the time devoted to it increases until it overshadows nearly everything. You wonder if you'll ever be able to live a "normal" life.
Through this experience, I discovered that my main issue has not been depression (I have been on medication since 1995), but anxiety. Generally they both go hand in hand. My anxiety fuels my depression. I have always been resentful of having to be on medication, as I strongly believe in holistic healing. I have always denied that I have some kind of incurable biochemical imbalance although my husband and family had always insisted that I did.
Early in the Summer my depression and anxiety increased, no matter what I did. For the first time I decided to consider that perhaps I was wrong and that everyone was right. I decided to up my Lexapro by 5 mg. to see if that would help. The following day I started to feel better. I knew it wasn't because of the Lexapro, it was too soon, so I went over what I did that day. For lunch I had a lot of soup, which caused me to be thirsty throughout the day, and I drank a lot of water. Thinking about this something clicked. I went online and searched for "depression and dehydration." Several sites came up and I learned that every drop of water one drinks first goes to the brain. Over time, the brain's chemicals get unbalanced and depleted, which causes not only depression, but anxiety and obsessive/compulsive behavior. As soon as I read this I realized that all I needed to do is to start drinking more water. At that time, I probably only drank about 8 oz. of liquids a day, including milk, water, etc.
I realized that I had been severely dehydrated for many years, most-likely since I was a child. In 2007 I was admitted to psychiatric hospitals 3 times, for a combined stay of over 6 weeks, where at that time I did not eat or drink. I am sure my brain chemistry suffered greatly.
When I learned the information about the benefit of water (our brain is 85% water, so if it is depleted, one cannot think clearly), I decided to not take the extra Lexapro, and drink water instead. I increased my daily intake dramatically, and within a week or less I felt like a totally different person. I was much calmer, happier, and my obsessive/compulsive behavior had greatly lessened. I felt like a cloud had been lifted. I had self control. I could breathe. It was a miracle. To test this, I gave it a month, and I still felt great. I saw my psychiatrist who was amazed that I was so happy. I have been feeling so good for the last 4-5 months that, as I mentioned, I have recently weaned off the Lamictal, and plan to eventually go off the 10 mg of Lexapro I currently take.
Here's a bit of information:
"Psychiatric illnesses ... are a sign of lifetime dehydration. Every sip of water is first dedicated to hydrating the brain and cranial fluids then to the rest of the body. When we fail to drink enough water over a lifetime, toxins begin to interfere with the brain's delicate neuro chemical balance. Once a single chemical reaction in the brain is significantly altered, the resulting ripple effect will be felt throughout the brain. The accumulation of these events can lead to brain diseases and imbalances of all kinds, including clinical depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, Lewy Body disease and other dementia-related diseases... "
"Chronic dehydration is recognized as contributing to a wide range of debilitating conditions. With respect to depression there may also be a link. The important amino acid tryptophan is required by the brain to produce the neurotransmitter serotonin. When more serotonin is present, nerves in the brain function more normally. Dehydration can prevent the needed amount of water being available to transport tryptophan to the brain, causing less serotonin to be produced. As you probably know, serotonin plays an important part in the regulation of mood."
"Pathology that is seen to be associated with 'social stresses' -- fear, anxiety, insecurity, persistent emotional and matrimonial problems -- and the establishment of depression are the results of water deficiency to the point that the water requirement of brain tissue is affected. The brain uses electrical energy that is generated by the water drive of the energy-generating pumps. With dehydration, the level of energy generation in the brain is decreased. Many functions of the brain that depend on this type of energy become inefficient. We recognize this inadequacy of function, and call it depression."
I hope you don't mind my rather long story, but when I read both of yours I thought that both of you are probably very dehydrated, and this increases the depression and desire to eat and purge. It seems really simple, probably too simple, but it may be the solution for you to drink more water. From what I read, you need to drink half your body weight in ounces a day. So if you weigh 120 lbs., then you would drink 60 oz. of water daily. And it must be water, not soda or juice as they don't have the same benefit. This may not cure the bulimia, but it may reduce your urges, calm your mind, and help you feel more in control.
Again, it may seem a bit odd, but it has been scientifically proven. I strongly believe that if more people up their intake of water, that their depression/anxiety/compulsions will go away. My psychiatrist, who is very well known and respected, had never heard of these studies, which really surprised me. I am sure most of the psychiatric community haven't as well. My doctor was so impressed that he said he is going to suggest the water idea to his other patients.
I am so much more balanced. And I think that is the key. If your body is out of balance, so is your mind.
Another thing that has really helped is to take a walk each day. I also take a lot of vitamins. B vitamins help with mood. Also, if you are experiencing any hair loss, which I have faced in the last 2 years from anxiety, I suggest that you take 5-10 mg of Biotin a day, 1000 mg of Alta Horsetail herb a day, and 1000 mg of MSM a day. I lost at least 1/2 of my hair. I started on this vitamin routine in April, and within a month my hair was stronger and has grown incredibly. To say I am amazed is an understatement. Worrying about my hair caused intense fear and depression, and now that is gone.
I sincerely hope that I have helped a bit. If I could, I'd give both of you great big hugs. You are courageous women. Stella, you are an incredibly gifted artist. Not until one walks in your shoes does one know the struggle. I do understand and I'd be more than happy to correspond with both of you if you need support. Feel free to email me at any time. I'd also be happy to be of support if you'd like to talk on the phone. Just send me an email and we can exchange contact information. I live in Pennsylvania.
Not to be trite but there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. You are not alone. If I can help in any way, just let me know.
Blessings,
Debbi