Im a jackass of a nice guy... my 2c on life

First off let me indtroduce myself...

Im a simple guy, with a complex mind. Im 21 years old, currently residing on an air force base serving my country, completely in awe of what im doing, like I went to sleep when I was in high school, and all the sudden woke up in a different place. I've had a couple girlfriends in my time, and a lot of friends that happen to be girls, that I wish were girlfriends, but I guess I make a better friend, if that makes sense. Im a jackass of a nice guy, which means im really a nice guy, but like to be mean to the people who deserve it. Since I was a child i've always thought of myself as completely open minded, I try to look at everything the good and bad about both sides of the story, whatever that story might be... good or bad. I believe in rationality, even when emotions come to play, and I try to break everything down to its simplest form and try not to get caught up over-analyzing something to the point where I forget what im analyzing. I play along like im any other person, like im being part of the crowd just to be accepted, but in reality I don't care what he does or she says. Im a professional during the day, a friend around people, a thinker when im alone ( I like to just think about things... anything ) , and when im asleep I feel free from it all, im in my own world that I can make whatever out of it I want. My grandma used to say life is what you make of it, I love her, but she was wrong to some extent...

Life

Life is not quite what you make of it, as a living human being you have the power to exert whatever impact on reality you can, through strength, or knowledge, or conversation, etc., in that respect its what you make of it. Why is life not what you make of it is because there are other people in the world that are trying to make the same or opposite of it, most of time causing a conflict, and conflict is why life can't always be what you make of it. Its going to sound bad, and some people with their head in the clouds might disagree with me, but life is generally bad for most people on earth, I would say that 9/10 people would grow old and be dissatisified with their lives, and out of that 1/10, I would venture to say another 9/10 of that are lying to themselves when they say they are satisfied with their life as to not sound dismal. We have no great mission, no great adventure to overcome, we wake up, go to work, come home, do that another 4 times, then have a barbecue and then go to church, rinse and repeat and before you know it we are almost dead, its a routine, you strive to get through each day so fast that you don't have time to stop and enjoy the beautiful things in life. Thats why I joined the military, not for the pay, not because im a patriot, because I needed an adventure, I needed to see something and learn something different, still im unsatisfied though. I've got my trees, my sky, my world, but I have no great enemy to fight and overcome, I feel weak because i've never had that to overcome. Sure I can stop and look at beautiful clouds in the sky, slow the day down a little bit, when other people dont even realize there are clouds above them.

I can't explain one thing, really, im exploding on the inside, my mind switching channels like a TV, every channel sucks, just like real life. On the outside im just a normal person I guess, quiet most of the time, its like there is something suppressing me, suppressing what I want to make of life. Since i've determind life isnt what I make of it, is it other people suppressing me? When I try to act mad, no one listens, and when im really mad, no one knows.

My 2c on life... I have no great war, conflict is my anger management, thats why im angry. Todays life doesn't provide conflict, its too passive. I need an adventure, something dangerous. I'll tell a secret, I used to have this dream that the world became a wasteland overran by zombies and one had to strive to survive, I could write a book about it probalbly, but who hasn't done that already, yea another zombie movie thats all we need, but the fact was, it wasn't a nightmare, it was a good dream, I was alone killing zombies, I had my great conflict, the struggle for life, and end the end I killed bowser I guess and saved friggin princess toadstool, and life was good again, for that moment, I have my satisfaction in life, then I wake up... the worst part of my day.

Hey you.. reading this right now, are you mad? Im not talking about when your girlfriend breaks up with you or you loose your job, im talking about that thought in the back of your mind that always sticks there forever, its always been there, it comes and goes, but its always there, and its always screaming to be let out, its instinct, its telling you to find a way out, but its hard to find, remember only 1/10 of 1/10 of the people in the world ever find it, and probalbly not that many.

I wish I was a kid again...

Have a jackass of a nice day

Email me what you think
[email protected]