How to fight

Who am I? I am a person, like everyone else here, I am not different.But im tired. Tired of crying almos everyday, even if there is no reason why. Im tired of thinking that im worse than everyone else.That im not good enought. Im not differenet, but I dont feel equal. I feel much worse. And I hate it. And i hate myself for that. Sometimes, eveything just looks so fine, life sometimes feels good, I feel that I have friends, who cares about me and eveything, but when evening comes, or other day, week, I feel that everything starts to fall apart again. I dont know what it is, is it depression, or just bad moment of life, or just that Im a teenager.But it happens again and again. My thoughts is killing me. And sometimes I dont even know what to do. And it becomes worse, friends leave you, because u become unpredictable, u can be sad any moment, and people dont like that, they start not liking you. Of course, first they want to help you, but later they lose hope, or maybe they just dont care that much about, but that doesnt change fact, that u are left alone. And noone cant help u, because u dont want to help yourself. u think that u dont deserve to be helped, to be like everyone else. And for everything bad happening in your life I blame myself. But maybe I am guilty for that, its problem with me. I am weak, and I cant do anything right. And life just becomes worse and worse.First u think, that noone cares about u, but u have many people who cares, but later u lose them all. U lose everything, and then u understand that u are really left alone. And u understand that its your fault, and now I understand that And understanding that, just makes ti more worse. its kills u. Kills u from inside. U know that u cant make anything right, so u stop doing things, Stop doing anything. U stop talkig, smiling, eating.U start be scared of things u was doing all time. Like talking, because u care too much what other thinks.Its becpmes too important, u lose all self esteem. U dont go anythere. I just live in internet, where im not scared to be judge. I'm trying to fight with that, but i alwats come back where I started, because its stronger than me. People say, talk, tell whats wrong, u try doing that, for moment its becomes better, but just for moment. Its like fairytail without end, but just very bad one. Without happines, just big mess.You just try and try, until you surrender. Until it breaks u apart.And noone understand u, because they dont know that feeling, which kills you very slowly from inside, and that thing its u. I want to fight, but I dont know how.


P.S sorry for mistakes, english is not my first language.