Frustrated about love, can't get out of this situation

As richards has already told you there is nothing complicated here it is about making decision

1. You may want to ask a girl to go out
2. You may want to surrender on her

Confusion means you need more time to decide,
you still may want to make sure about something which i dont know what

Why do you believe that you should still focus on this girl?

I still like her very much, she is like a magnet to my eyes. I believe this is why i am still focused on her.
The problem is that she is cold, rude, never responds me, says hi and quickly goes away, never looks in my face, etc.
Over the last year i've tried everything to make it work. On the last few weeks i've been getting angrier and angrier just by seeing other people talk/flirt with her with ease, while i can't even look at her anymore without getting the shivers.
The really bad part which i am guilty of: I've been calling her some very bad names behind her back... And she found out. That was last week.
Everything points toward giving up on her, but i am still atracted to her like crazy. And now that i've screwed up even more, i don't know what to do.

EmperorDude2 wrote: I've been calling her some very bad names behind her back... And she found out.

A little detail you forgot to mention in your first 6 posts.

...i don't know what to do.

Here is what you do...

1. You may want to ask a girl to go out
2. You may want to surrender on her

Recognize those options? They haven't changed from the initial response.

I understand you don't like the message and therefore you want to come after the messenger. It doesn't change your reality.

So in this story of unrequited 'love', do you think she knows that you are obsessed with her (if yes, why do you think that)? Do you think it has been very obvious to her that you fancy her (if yes, why do you think that)? What do you think she makes of your hostility now?
What sort of shivers? I didnt get if the emotion was fear, or excitement, or more to it?
What names did you call her? Was it slút/whore? Just curious.

EmperorDude2 wrote:But why do relationships have to always revolve around hint language? Hint language is the most unclear/unhelpful/confusing type of language i've ever experienced in all of my relationship attempts, and i am probably not the only one who thinks that.

Yes, her "hints" were confusing. Many times, people are too afraid to say something directly because they are afraid of hurting someone's feelings. Maybe she saw that you were taking her being kind as signs of interest and didn't know how to verbally express to you that her feelings weren't there. So, instead of being upfront, she tried to tell that she wasn't interested by showing it. It was clearly a bad choice on her part because it has completely driven you crazy for the past year. But now that you know her true feelings, the best thing you can do is move on... as hard as that is right now, it's the only way you will free yourself of these negative feelings. If being around her makes you anxious and angry, would it be possible to not be around her for a while? Just until these feelings have passed?

JessHenson wrote: the best thing you can do is move on...

Good advice.

It is not about us teaching us to surrender

The problem is that you dont want to stand there confused and waiting for years, that is not an option, Because it will interfere with your life, with your goals, you will keep remaining there depressed or whatsoeverer, come on? You dont want that? Thats not normal

Anything that interferes with your life, your goals, we have to think critical about that
Even if it is a smart-phone,
Even if it is a computer game

You sure want to have some fun there, but when any of that is about to interfere with your goals, like studies, jobs, it could be an obsession that can lead your life to unwanted directions, and you dont want that?

Here is what i recommend to you
Ask this girl to go out, tell her, hey there a rude girl i have something to talk i want to buy you a drink,
Go out there and sell yourself best way you can
Tell here you are good enough , tell her you can do things that will make her happy, with confidence
And tell her you like her, tell her you want to be with her,
And if she seems to be unsure, take it on advantage just ask her to go for a walk, and try to get oneself a bond with her, like try to hold her, act as she is your girlfriend if she is not protesting about that, as a true leader, as a true player that you can be

If this doesnt work, after all the insisting, you got to respect the fact , she doesnt want to, and surrender on her, and get yourself a different woman

laureat wrote:Here is what i recommend to you
Ask this girl to go out... Go out there and sell yourself best way you can

If this doesnt work, after all the insisting, you got to respect the fact , she doesnt want to, and surrender on her, and get yourself a different woman

Good advice. Again.

It really is good advice, on paper. I don't know if i have the guts to even try it after all that has happened. I can't even look at her without getting nervous/scared/angry. I'd mix words, get her confused and also annoyed, my hands would shake and i would pass out before saying "Can we go out?"

do you think she knows that you are obsessed with her (if yes, why do you think that)? Do you think it has been very obvious to her that you fancy her (if yes, why do you think that)? What do you think she makes of your hostility now?

As much as we both have friends in common, i am really not sure. I don't know if she knows i am obsessed, i am not sure she ever understood how i felt (and part of that is my fault, because of how much i used to pretend to be the 'bad boy' when talking about these things) and i honestly don't want to know what she thinks of my hostility if not the 'obvious': 'Rude because its his problem, and its not my fault because i was not a rude person to him at all' (sarcasm).


For as much as i want something to work i am still betting on the 'move on' part, which goes back to the same problem as before: All of my attempts to forget this by distracting myself with other girls/activites have proved useless. I still see her almost everyday and i can't stop that. Even when trying my best to avoid her.

EmperorDude2 wrote: I don't know if i have the guts

And you are mad at her and the other guys for that? I agree, it doesn't take guts to call her names behind her back. It does take guts to then go apologize and even more difficult to then ask her out. But, you are mad at her and others because you don't have the guts?

i am still betting on the 'move on' part...All of my attempts to forget this...have proved useless.

Because your attempts are probably not genuine effort. Did you delete/block her on FB yet? How many other girls have you asked to hang out since this crush went downhill? What activities/clubs have you joined? Just sitting in isolation playing video games and surfing social media will of course prove useless.

you are mad at her and others because you don't have the guts?

What?? What does being mad at her or others have to do with guts?
Yes, i've deleted her about 3 days before starting this topic, joined a music competiton, been working on it up to 3 AM every day, its 9 minutes long now, been playing a heck ton of games i've never played before, can't believe i missed all of them on all this time, been studying math like a mindless slave, any kind distraction works, for a time. Once i see her it all falls apart and i have to start over. How is going out with other girls going to help again? In fact, what other activities are "genuine effort"?

I agree, it doesn't take guts to call her names behind her back. It does take guts to then go apologize and even more difficult to then ask her out

I do not owe her any apologies, she is the one who has been the cold, rude, ruthless bitch from the very beggining. Not only that, i don't want to repeat the same mistake of being nice to her and have her slap me in the face right after!

EmperorDude2 wrote:What?? What does being mad at her or others have to do with guts?

Many times anger, frustration and anxiety is misplaced. It is very common and natural to want to maintain our own feelings of self-worth. You are stating you don't know if you have the guts, your hands would be shaking. This is a red flag for misplaced anger. You don't have the capability, i.e you don't have the guts and because you don't have the guts you get angry at others.

This kind of thought process will hold you back not only in this situation, but in other areas of life. One day you will want to apply for a promotion, take a risk, etc. and instead of focusing inward at your own lack of ability, you will channel that anger outward towards your boss or the person that received the promotion, etc.

Just food for thought.

Yes, i've deleted her about 3 days before starting this topic, joined a music competiton, been working on it up to 3 AM every day, its 9 minutes long now, been playing a heck ton of games i've never played before, can't believe i missed all of them on all this time, been studying math like a mindless slave, any kind distraction works, for a time.

All great activities to refocus.

How is going out with other girls going to help again?

Because no matter how many video games or how much studying, this does not fill the hole in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the need for belonging. You feel rejected. Video games won't replace that feeling. Tonight, go on FB and send out messages to 20 different girls, even ones in which you have no real interest. Communicate, compliment them, even flirt a little. Some will reject you, but a few will begin to talk with you and it will slowly build not only your confidence, but it will start slowly meeting that need....we all have that need.

I do not owe her any apologies, she is the one who has been the cold, rude, ruthless bitch from the very beggining. Not only that, i don't want to repeat the same mistake of being nice to her and have her slap me in the face right after!

Which brings us full circle to why on earth if she is such a ruthless bitch do you want anything to do with her? If she is not a good person, you should recognize whoever she ends up with will be miserable. It is lust being driven by rejection, wanting what you can't have. It is all testosterone, no common sense. And don't feel bad about it...you're a normal, healthy 17 year old, but don't think you are going through anything special either.

The base advice remains the same. Move on. Find some other girls to talk with and develop friendships. The sooner you do the better.

Thank you.
And sorry for all the mess.

you have to understand, that nobody is here to make you feel worse, the idea is to help you make a decision and not standing on this crossroad that cannot make you feel better you are there waiting, confused, unsure,

you sure need to have guts to make decisions because decision is about sacrifice
you have to sacrifice LEFT direction so you can choose the RIGHT direction or vice-versa

you standing there in a cross road and telling us I cannot go LEFT because this and that, and you telling I cannot go RIGHT because this and that

now we understand all that,
but standing there in the crossroad for years is not an option

you have to understand that this is a really important moment in your life, because it is time for you to learn to make a decision, you will learn how to deal with these kind of cross-roads, so this is really important for you

life is full of cross-roads, and once you understand that decision making, your will grow too much, and other times you will approach / respond to the similar situations much better

it is about SACRIFICE,
you have to sacrifice a video-game so you can read a book
you have to sacrifice some friends so you can spend more time with your family
that is how it goes,
and some people be like " well I want to read a book but I don't have time about it.. " bro you have as much time as I have your clock is not working FASTER but you have to sacrifice some of things you do, so you can add there something you believe you should, and that is about sacrifice, that is about making a decision

some friends of mine, be like " I CANNOT FIND TIME TO VISIT MY PARENTS " I tell them well if you uninstall some of those APPS in your smart phone you sure will have some time, about your parents , and they be like " I CANT DO THAT " what do you mean you cant do that ?

some women be like " I LOVE MAN1, BUT I ALSO LOVE MAN2 " WTF? you sure can reject one of them

these kind of problems is because people are no good on decision making and I don't really blame them because nobody has teach them how to do it, nobody has told them they will be on such situations and how they should approach it

and you sir have a good chance to learn this one,
this will be a really important moment in your life, if you just learn how to DECIDE,

I think you are not in love with her, you are only obsessed or physically attracted towards her.