A little lost sometimes.

Be fore I start just want to say what a brilliant site, glad I stumbled on it, like everyone else i've been surving and theres lots of well nah sites out there, as soon as i saw this one, i felt straight at home, so congratulations.
And sorry if im putting this in the wrong section.

Where do I start? Long story, I try and do a short version.
Mother died when I was 6,
father abused my sisters, I used to give his weetabix in bed with my sister along side him in bed, he tried it with me but I was lucky,i was fiesty, but remember waking in the night with him watchin me, then when i was 13 it all came out, he went to prison, i went in care/foster homes,did alot of self harm turned into how do i say it nicely,a slut, slept with anyone, something which has satyed with me all my life, unless im in a relationship i sleep around, had a few long term relationships, im in one now, tho i feel its breaking down,though i know we wont give up cause we are so good together, the problem is me, i go from clingy,loving,worship him,make love to cold,nasty,heartless,f**k me now,get out of me face,die,leave me alone,so aggressive and insane.
Im also very twitchy, cant sit still, legs always going,fingers drumming,fidget,always rocking myself,i rock in bed as well,feel like i lose me mind,panic attacks, cant cope, depressed,hate myself,cant work,cant go outside,cant get out of bed,brain shuts down,cant cope with anything,even trying to count money out,its like my brain stops functioning, he says theres a monthly pattern to my behaivour, i know of pms, but this is way over that,i also drink alot, but im cutting that down,so winning on that front.
been on antidepressants,just didnt help,st johns wort,didnt help,

Sorry for that rant,any advise would be brilliant,i can be such a happy person,and would love to help other people, but have these DARK days that ruin my life and others around