Hey dude, trust me, i've been there. I was addicted to porn at 11 years old and I've done so many things that I regret. I wish desperately that I can take back all those years of my life that were lost, but I can't. If you want help, here's what I've learned. The most important things in recovery, is to 1) stop shaming yourself and 2) stop focusing solely on not relapsing.
#2 seems to be pretty counterintuitive, but hear me out. When I was recovering, I listened to a podcast called Porn Afflictions and Sex Addiction by this guy named Craig Perra and I actually ended up buying his program, which is honestly the only reason why I'm here talking to you today. Anyways, I learned from him that to break a habit you have to make a habit. To stop an addiction, you have to counter that with pursuing to have as great a life as you possibly can and to become as best of a person as you can. If your only focus is to not use porn, then you're setting yourself up for failure. According to Craig, it is impossible to successfully recover from an addiction and still have a shitty life. If the only thing in your life that's changed is that you're not doing the "thing" (porn), then its only a matter of time until you fall back into the habit. Willpower will only get you so far.
What I'm trying to say is this: there's still hope dude. No matter how much your brain tries to convince you that youre worthless and that you're too far gone, don't listen to it. It's bs. Craig Perra, the man I was talking about earlier, was sexually abused in his childhood and he grew up to become adddicted to very graphic porn and started using prostitutes and regularly cheating on his wife and eventually lost everything he had. His job, his family, he lost everything. But he came back. Now he's teaching thousands of people how to get out of addiction! Isn't that amazing? There's no one that's too far gone to come back, I promise you. So I urge you to stop feeling pity for yourself and do something that you've been putting off for forever. Whether it be pursuing that promotion you've wanted for a while, exercising, reconciling with a friend you've lost touch with, or picking up that instrument that you've wanted to learn how to play. Just do something to better your life! Don't give up brother.