get attention or be anonymous

Sometimes I feel like I'm dying of love and I need them to be looking at me, talking, listening, wanting ... telling me something. even hating me but indifference distresses me .. I need attention .. but on the other hand .. sometimes .. receiving attention .. suffocates me .. overwhelms me. and it makes me want to be alone .. I need my space to be able to fart in peace without having to be surrounded by anyone .. it's like when there is a lot of closeness with another person I start to feel a little disgusting .. their farts. My farts .. my excrements .. his excrements .. his smells .. my smells .. It does not seem like a good combination and the best thing seems to be a monk who lives chastity and purity of the spirit

I think that the paradise of many people is anonymity and loneliness .. and at the same time for other people that same is hell .. the same happens with fame or company .. for some people it is hell and for others the sky