help

Hi
Just wondered if i could share my problems,maybe your expert would guide me.Its a sad story,but hey if i could get some reasons why i feel so down,id be grateful.

I met a lovely man,so i thought,he'd been bankrupt a couple of times,hed no money,had a struggling buisness,and i fell in love.He was the sweetest man i could meet,i felt sorry for him,and went to work for him,trying to build his buisness up again,for 2 years i slogged my guts out,got him in more hotels than he'd ever seen in his life,helped him grow bigger,get the big car the fancy rings etc,etc.

I loved him dearly,we had this shared passion for the buisness,and even though i wasnt a partner he knew what an asset i was. Hed been a batchelor for 20 years,his wife left him after he cheated on her,hed had varios partners over the years,theyd either left him coz he was to selfish or he'd cheated on them.I shoulda known.

Anyway things started going wrong bout 6 mth ago,i felt like alls he wanted me for wos making him money.He was a gambling man too so he had a high lifestyle to keep up,i spent two years of my life in casinos,i didnt gamble,but had many friends there.i felt like i was on a treadmill,just funding his nights out,with his friends,i cared dearly about my customers an loved my job,but felt i was getting left more and more behind.So i left the job,and went looking after poorly people,i needed to feel a person again,needed to feel appreciated without materialism.

It was hard cause i loved the man,i worried about him going bancrupt again,and he was ringing me all the time asking me why id rather wipe peoples backsides than work for him.We carried on going out,i wanted to see if it was the job he wanted me for or the money i made him,I think deep down i knew how materialistic and selfish he was but i carried on.He was a charmer and i realised what had happened was he didnt want me in his life,but didnt want me to leave because of the money i was making him,so he didnt have a clue how to get rid of me.He knew i wouldnt just be a friend,thats what he really wanted,friends to make him money.

Anyway sadly i found out the real man.I got pregnant,i have children grown up,he told me if i had it he'd dump me,it was only a spec of dust and i must get rid of it.He wasnt playing happy families,i really didnt want to,i had no support.He pushed me into the clinic,being supportive all the way,he got his way,rang me at the hospital half hour after i lost the baby to tell me his shop hadnt took a penny all day!I said i hadnt had a good day either. Anyway i stayed at his house that night,he asked me wot it was like to be babyless,i couldnt quite believe his attitude,anyway he left me three days later,saying it scared him,he still wanted me to work for him,stupidly i still loved him,that was 3 mth ago,when he.s rang for some reason i cant answer the phone,its like a blockage,i want to,but hate him for the things he said,he gave me no support,i dont think ill ever forgive him.

Then i heard within a week of leaving me he was out with a woman.It hurts like hell,ive had the abortion to deal with,and the guilt thats come with that,i regret doing it,cause now i know he only cared about hiself,not me,not the baby.And i have so many mood swings towards him,i cant answer my phone,but hell the anger thats come out with my text messages is unbelievable.Its a though i was there for him when he needed me,but he wasnt there for me.i just wish i could shut the whole episode out my life,and hey he is getting on with his life so easy,he said before i had the abortion that it was nothing,well it certainly affected me.

So i think its fact i feel cheated and used and ultimately the man left me with mess and destruction,im not the same person no more,i look after people who are poorly in my job and its sp rewarding.No body knows about the baby i had to work through it,it nursed a lady with cancer,sadly i lost her last week,i have to be focused in my job,but wow when i get home and start to think,thats when the hurt comes back.

Any suggestions welcome