A love with depression

**Posts:** 3 · by **fishman3226** » Mon Apr 26, 2004 11:23 pm

Hello all.

I have a problem with woman i love very dearly who is suffering from depression. I really want to help her but i am going thru my own hell in trying to do so.

The story goes like this.

I was with this woman for 14 months. We broke up at her decision in February this year. We lived together for 12 months. At the end she tyold me the reason was she 'needed to find herself.'

Now she has suffered from depression for ages - she used also to be a stripper and took alot of drugs and also cam e from a broken home. She always told me that alot of people have let her down.

Our relationship was not bad - I was there for her 100% - hell I lost ocntact with my kids, I got her a job, helped her get her license and so on.

Anyways, I had practically moved on when she contacted me back (just before Easter) at first I ignored her and wished it away but in the end I contacted her back. She ultimately rang me asking about if I was with anyone else and how I was and so on. SHe told me she wanted to catch up.

Hardest thing was she also got her old job back working with me. Makes it harder.

Anyhow, we started talking and since then we have seen each other a few times - with her staying over a couple of times. Odd thing is though she drops her barriers and tells me she feels 'loved and supported and feminine' when I am with her and that she still loves me (we have only has sex once, but mainly it is simple cuddling and intimacy,) but then when she goes away she then appears to talk herself into rubbish about only wanting to be 'friends.'

I can see it in her actions what she wants but her words seem to tell otherwise. I know she is going thru alot with her therapy (she has been diagnosed as having 'catastrophic thoughts' and she tells me that her therapist has told her she is very sad inside.)

Now, I get many mixed messages and it is VERY hard for me, but I want to wait. Mainly I am here posting because I want to know more about what she is going thru and what I could expect to face. I want this woman back because I honestly believe that it is a good thngs for both of us.

PLease help me understand some.

**Posts:** 492 · by **Mark Tyrrell** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 3:34 pm

Hi fishman

Thank you for your post. It must be extremely confusing for you. She rings you, tells you you make her feel feminine and loved then says maybe you should just be friends. If her therapist has told her she has 'catastrophic thoughts' this basically means she imagines the worst possible outcome to situations.

One thing strikes me. She told you she has felt let down by many people in her life. If she has low self-esteem it may be that she is uncomfortable with any signs of a healthy relationship.

This is pure conjecture, of course I don't know her and it may not match at all, but it just may be she is pushing you away either because she is scared things would 'go wrong anyway' in which case if she makes them go wrong at least it was under her control. People with low self-esteem tend to feel more at home sometimes with people who don't treat them so well because they don't treat themselves so well.

As I say this may not fit her at all but it is a common pattern. The more you push for a relationship the more she may pull away. Perhaps you need to just let her know that you will enocurage and support her if need be.

Mark.

**Posts:** 3 · by **fishman3226** » Tue Apr 27, 2004 9:51 pm

It seems odd to me though that she had it all good for 12 months - hell she knows I did not hurt her in any way.

I sort of lean toward her at the moment having the therapy - maybe in a way (that is kind of peverse in my view) the therapy is giving her alot more mixed messages and causing here problems. In the long run maybe she will be able to sort out things.

Wierd thing too is she comes to me for love then when she gets it it is like she has had her fill and can go away sated until it is needed again.

I also emailed her last night saying I am there for her but th eproblem fro my side is a frustration trying to understand what she is going thru.

I constantly am trying to make her see (when I am with her) that she can rely upon me.

**Posts:** 3 · by **fishman3226** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 1:40 am

I would really like some advice - anything!

Some views on running or staying...... of if i am going to do a good thing here.... anything!!

A love with depression

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