Foreword: When I tried to post my reply in its original form i.e. quoting particular sections of your, Leo Volont's, post to reply to, I was told by the computer that my reply was "too spamy" for a Newbie and that it would not be published. I don't know what that meant. I've never had a problem with quoting other's posts before. To get round the problem, instead of using quotes to indicate passages from your previous post, I've underlined them and changed the colour to blue. And while on the subject of anger, I could say quite a lot about the contribution computers have to make to this problem........….!
Leo Volont wrote:Hi Little Brown Dragon, Yeah, I was able to sympathize with you. All those triggers you listed were really good examples of the kind of triggers that get people angry. But this IS an Anger Management Page. .
Thank you for your very thorough reply to my post. There is just so much there to respond to that I’m not quite sure where to begin. However, let me say straight away that I speak from personal experience. I had an extremely severe anger problem – the word “extremely” does not do justice to the intensity of my anger - which I have cured (this with the help of a close friend who also cured herself of a severe mental health problem). So first let me emphasise that I am speaking about anger from the point of view of success, NOT of failure.
You know, just because people have a reason why they got angry doesn't justify them in throwing their office chair through a 30 story window.First of all, however, I would ask you this: if anger is such a problem for people in the UK (and all over the world, in fact), then don’t you think that we should be asking the reason why? And given that there are so many external factors fueling people’s rage, don’t you think that people, especially governments, should be modifying their behavior so as not to fuel people’s anger? After all, it is by fueling each other’s anger that we have world wars. It is by fueling each other’s anger that there were riots in the UK against the Poll Tax (I refer to Margaret Thatcher’s policies in the 1980s). To disempower people, as she and so many other politicians did and still do, is a recipe for fueling anger
Little Brown Dragon, what do you DO when you get angry. So people blow up and have a rage episode. If they do that at work, they become redundant really fast. In relationships, well, nobody can stick with a partner that is all the time flipping out, even if they can come up with excuses. But some people just have these little nervous breakdowns. Is this what is happening to you. You let this stuff bother you?Yes, I did “let” that stuff bother me. And the first huge release I got with respect to my anger was being told that this world is a place in which people go to such extraordinary lengths to aggravate each other that we spend most of our lives having to deal with being under almost constant attack. Realising that was a HUGE release.
(Of course, I do not claim to be purely a victim here. Like everyone else, my bad behaviour made other people angry just as their bad behavior made me angry. No one in this world is innocent in that regard.)
If you knew about Anger Management then you would know that we should be prepared to smile on through recurrent triggers, you know, like in a Jane Austen novel...You are right, I do not know about anger management. This is because I have never attended an anger management class. As I said, I have cured my own anger myself.
Smile? That, I agree, is the place where one eventually wants to get to. More than that, in fact. One actually wants to be able to laugh and shrug it all off. But I know from experience that it takes a long time to get to that place. For example, I had to discover the sorts of things that triggered my anger. (These will be the same for many people.)
These triggers included (a) inarticulacy, (b) insecurity and the fear that comes from feeling insecure, (c) a fear of authority and (d) lack of self-respect.
So, I first had to deal with inarticulacy. Of course, one reason (and there are others) that I, along with the vast majority of other people, had difficulty expressing myself and saying what was on my mind was that people are always being muzzled. One way in which we are muzzled is by the use of political correctness. At work, of course, one is also muzzled by being expected to tow the party line. Being surveilled also inhibits free speech. (To say that we in the UK have freedom of speech is utter nonsense.)
To improve articulacy I did lots and lots and lots of writing, especially of the kind where I spoke my mind. At first I kept a private journal where I let off steam. But then I increasingly began to speak out, this at work. I began to reclaim my freedom of speech. My boss didn’t like this, of course. Nor could he deal with a member of staff speaking out. He tried again and again to muzzle me until he finally resorted to threatening me. He made up ridiculous accusations against me, each more exaggerated than the last.
In the end I was formally disciplined. However, before the disciplinary hearing, I handed in my notice. I did not wait for them to fire me (which in this case they could not have done, my “crime” was relatively trivial), instead I took the initiative. I resigned.
So people blow up and have a rage episode. If they do that at work, they become redundant really fast.It is because people have such little self-respect, that they kow-tow so much to those in authority, that employers get away with bullying them. When I reclaimed my freedom of speech, my standing in my place of work really grew. My colleagues began to show me a great deal of respect which they had never done before. In addition, they really envied me. They wanted to be able to do what I was able to do. I made no secret about my formal disciplinary and when I told my colleagues that I had resigned, they were very envious. They too wanted to reclaim their freedom.
All of these actions began to reduce my anger. Especially being able to speak my mind. In addition, they revealed to me that my bosses were not as powerful as they had led me to believe. This did much to reduce my fear of authority and therefore my anger.
I still had to do a lot of work on reducing my anger, but I am now in the position where I can smile. I can even laugh at other’s attempts to manipulate me by trying to make me angry. That does not mean I will not express anger when it is appropriate to do so. I will express anger.
I can give you some, in regards to surprise triggers that sneak up on you. It seems that a gland in our brain, when it discerns stress and threats, gives off Cortisol, which sets in process the whole Fight and Flight Response. If you are the type of person that has anger blowups, then it is cortisol that is getting it all going and fueling the charge.Thank you for your advice. However, the idea that anger is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain is not one I adhere to. I do not think the “flight or fight” idea, that one’s behavior is “hard-wired”, is correct either. The chemical imbalance approach is also one that psychiatrists use when treating patients with mental health problems. These approaches address the symptoms, not the underlying causes, of emotional problems such as anger or mental health problems such as depression. And taking drugs only serves to suppress the mind’s own immune system such that it eventually withers and dies. The death of one’s (psychological) immune system leaves one prey to all sorts of emotional problems that it becomes unable to deal with. (Taking cold or ‘flu medicine likewise suppresses the body’s immune system. When the body is attacked by a virus, the immune system’s response is to raise body temperature. This kills off the virus. Taking pills to lower temperature when one has a cold or ‘flu therefore stops the immune system from working.)
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Mobilizing for Battle is hard on both the mind and body……………………………….Also, things will go faster and easier if you are friendly to the Government Bureaucrats and the Customer Service People. they are so used to being hated. If you smile and laugh and talk of nice days and all of that, well, the business will go so much smoother.I agree with what you say here, but not on how to get there. As I said before, I speak from the position of success, NOT of failure.