Scared & Confused

Please help.

Sorry if I go on. I'm a 26yr old female. I had my first panic attack about 5 weeks ago on a train. It only lasted about 5 minutes and from what I now know I was pretty lucky as many last a lot longer. However following the attack I became quite ill and subsequently lost almost 2st. Since then I have had almost continuous anxiety. I've linked the panic attack to a book I was reading at the time called Lucky. The book describes a rather brutal and graphic rape scene which is a true story. It was a couple of days after I read it, that I suddenly had a overwhelming feeling that I was gay which is what caused the panic attack. I found this particularly upsetting. Firstly because I am in a very loving relationship with my boyfriend of 6yrs and secondly it came completely out of the blue. Now I keep on questioning myself and going back over things. I hate myself at the moment and it's made all the worse by the fact that I haven't told my boyfriend about the situation and he is being incredibly supportive. Which is causing untold amount of guilt. It's really upsetting me some days are better than others but when I have a bad day it's almost unbearable. I generally feel as though my mind has been taken over. I rarely notice attractive men since this happened and women seem to stand out more than before. The longer it goes on the bigger doubts I'm having about myself. I just really want to feel normal again. I love my boyfriend so much and I really don't want to hurt him more than anything.

I've told a couple of people and they think that it could be linked to a negative self image I have of myself. I am a constant worrier and I'm usually fretting about something. I'm in the process of arranging counselling through a pastorial foundation but it's taking a long time. I feel that friends are getting tired of hearing about it over and over again. It feels like a vicous circle just when I feel I'm getting better I have a really bad day.