I am soooo angrey and want help!

Hi aggiefan

Welcome to the forum.

You have already taken the first step to making the changes you want to make by coming here and posting, and this is a brave first step.

This Anger Management hypnosis download could be helpful for you.

Learning to keep calm in these situations is one way to tackle this and practising the 7/11 breathing technique, as described here would be helpful in this regard.

You might also want to consider some counselling if anger management continues to be a problem for you.

Let us know how you get on.

Karen

You say you just lost it but i would say that there was a catalyst or trigger. usually it may be something that seems quite insignificant but it can be a straw that breaks the camels back. Anger is usually progressive, which means that several small incidents of low level anger may have occured for some time prior to you losing it. Most people do not deal with anger as it happens they stuff it in hoping it will subside, however this is not usually the case, because normally people who implode will eventually explode. i have said in a previous post that keeping an anger diary will help you to discover what triggers your anger. once you know what your triggers are you can work on strategies for dealing with it as it happens.

i hope this helps a little
Robbie

disarmfromwithin wrote:You say you just lost it but i would say that there was a catalyst or trigger. usually it may be something that seems quite insignificant but it can be a straw that breaks the camels back. Anger is usually progressive, which means that several small incidents of low level anger may have occured for some time prior to you losing it. Most people do not deal with anger as it happens they stuff it in hoping it will subside, however this is not usually the case, because normally people who implode will eventually explode. i have said in a previous post that keeping an anger diary will help you to discover what triggers your anger. once you know what your triggers are you can work on strategies for dealing with it as it happens.

i hope this helps a little
Robbie

THANKS FOR THE POST... THANKS FOR THE ANGREY DIARY i DEA... YOU HAVE WHAT SEEM TO BE A COUPLE OF GREAT IDEAS I AM STARTING TO FEEL AS THERE MAY BE HOPE AFTER ALL I AM GOING TO TRY YOUR IDEAS AND LET YOU KNOW AGAIN THANKS

Dear Aggiefan,

In my experience, unfulfilled expectations lead to frustration and creates anger . Rage is a mixture of anger and fear.

As Robbie says, it is usually built up over a period of time and when not expressed as and when because maybe you don't feel safe with your own anger any more. It gets brewed and stewed upon each time if it is not expressed or is suppressed, denied, used as an excuse to have a drink/drug or cigerette on, this can then becomes explosive - outward and hurtful to someone else or implosive - hurtful to you and creates self loathing or both.

The trick is to learn what happens to you before you get angry so you can identify your triggers as Robbie says (his idea about the diary is great for that). Another thing that may help is to write a list of 150 things that make you angry, I once had a client that went on up to 300! Then section these things up into areas of your life like other people, incidents, past issues and so on. You can deal with a chunk at a time, this makes the really big anger, more manageable and less scary to you (and other people). Put boxes round these sections, to visually contain them and write down all the other feelings you feel as well as the anger. This process may leave you with some feelings so be prepared, make sure you create some safe space/time (and tissues) around you. In my experience very often there is a great deal of hurt/pain and tears waiting to get out from under the anger, anger is a good way of keeping from feeling the sad stuff. It is at this point that you can change the story about the issues you chose to carry on being angry about. Ask your self what purpose it serves to still remain angry, how useful is it really? is it keeping you stuck? stopping you moving on? maybe keeping people away from you? Once you understand how your anger works for you and what you do with your feelings you can better learn to recognise what is happening in moments when you start to feel anger. Anger can often turn into resentments and gets used to continue feeling some way about a person/situation long after the original sin was committed and in some cases, forgotten. Once the list is complete, burn it, the things on your list can no longer be used to fuel your anger, it is a symbolic gesture and will help you let go of the past.

Learning to express what is happening for you in the moment more assertively and cleanly knowing it is just that one issue that you are angry about not the mountain of other things that you never expressed, makes it more healthy and less scary.

When you manage it, anger can be a great motivator, if a boundary has been crossed and you recognise it, you can chose whether you put yourself back in that situation or you can do it differently, then you can start to feel in control instead of anger controlling you.

Hope this helps in some way

Clare x (the other half of timetogetunstuck)