Therapist shouting and yelling at me...

Hi, I know you sometimes get very attached to a therapist and what is right/wrong practice can seem to be obscrued because you are so emotionally involved that its hard to see the wood for the trees.

But (and remember this is just my feeling on reading your posts!) I tihink your therapist has significant issues of his own and will very likely lead you up the garden path!

I dont believe there is EVER a justification for a therapist to yell, give you lectures, or speak without you getting a word in edgeways, its very unprofessional ... I would get myself out of there and find a good therapist before he does you any damage.

I wonder why he wants to control me and what is in it for him???

There shouldnt be anything in it for him! you are paying to see a therapist to help you, its your space, your time, your money in fact to deal with your issues.

I think your therapist needs therapy ... you've had enough advice from people here telling you the same - get yourself out of there!

There shouldnt be anything in it for him! you are paying to see a therapist to help you, its your space, your time, your money in fact to deal with your issues.

I totally agree! But, obviously, as you have all pointed out, he is not in it to help me which makes me curious as to why he DID offer to do this and why he continues to waste his time! He must be getting something from it. Maybe he is just a sadistic lunatic.

Megan, you are right. Everyone does have the same opinion so I no longer need advice about that. I understand completely and appreciate it.

I simply remain mystified at the whole experience. This is my first time ever in therapy in my life (42 years old) and probably will be my last. At least alone I am just crazy, as opposed to being crazy and confused.

Onward.

Just had another thought.

There is a tiny possibility that he now regrets having taken me on as a client and is deliberately trying to make me despise him to the point of quitting so he can blame the whole thing on my "resistance" to therapy and come out smelling like roses while getting rid of me at the same time.

If THAT were the case, I would stick around simply to drive him insane.

It is happy hour time here in PA, and even though I work at home I am indulging in a glass of spiced rum with a hint of cherry so a million thoughts are definitely going to keep rolling through my head. Fear not - I will refrain from verbalizing them.


About half an hour later: I was reading this thread again and started to realize I sound desperate and perhaps I am. More realistically, I am really hurting inside and the alcohol is starting to bring that out even more. Thank goodness it is past your bedtime over the Atlantic. Now only half the forum will see me as the pathetic excuse for a human that I am. If anyone is out there crying in their spiced rum with a hint of cherry feel free to let me know.

This is one of those posts I am going to regret in the morning.

Anger often defends a value. Like self preservation. Or how we feel the world should be. Which is what your therapist is probably going through. So your "resistance" violates his belief about his methods. Rather than taking resistance as feedback he takes it as, I don't know, more like a criticism maybe.

arewethereyet wrote:Just had another thought.

There is a tiny possibility that he now regrets having taken me on as a client and is deliberately trying to make me despise him to the point of quitting so he can blame the whole thing on my "resistance" to therapy and come out smelling like roses while getting rid of me at the same time.

If THAT were the case, I would stick around simply to drive him insane.

It is happy hour time here in PA, and even though I work at home I am indulging in a glass of spiced rum with a hint of cherry so a million thoughts are definitely going to keep rolling through my head. Fear not - I will refrain from verbalizing them.


About half an hour later: I was reading this thread again and started to realize I sound desperate and perhaps I am. More realistically, I am really hurting inside and the alcohol is starting to bring that out even more. Thank goodness it is past your bedtime over the Atlantic. Now only half the forum will see me as the pathetic excuse for a human that I am. If anyone is out there crying in their spiced rum with a hint of cherry feel free to let me know.

This is one of those posts I am going to regret in the morning.

You are not pathetic. You are in great pain. Pain which originally stems from when you were very little I suspect but in the transfernece to your therapist is bbeing re-experienced. That is the reason that you get yourself out of this situation immideiately and find a new therapist. A counsellor/psychotherapist if possible, not a doctor (because that is what psychiatrists are)

The 'resistance to therapy' is suppose to happen! It is all part of the healing process but your therapist has fallen into the counter transference and is UNABLE to work with what you bring to the sessioin. (I am also doubting whetheer he has any idea about psychotherapy /counselling)

I will not go into the ins and outs of why I think he does what he is doing as I feel it will keep you from lookingh for someone else.

If you like you can come and have a look at the website (link in my signature). There is \ lot of people in therapay who have wonderful and scary experiences with counsleling. Also, you can find some more in depth info about what to look for in a counsellor/therapy.

I know that what you are feeling is incredebly painful and proabbaly beyond words as, I suspect, it is pre verbal and primitive pain of the infant.
The infant who does need nurturing and care but NOT through alcohol and a 'therapist' that emotionally keeps the abuse going.

I hope you will be able to get out of this relationship and look for a new therapist (get info before you start looking)
It is VITAL that you get out of this relationship.

Good luck

http://www.survivorship.org/articles/evaluating.html

Please also read this article to find out what to DEMAND from a therapsit.

This artcile is good for EVERY client not just for those who have been abused sexually and in rituals.

I wont come back to this thread anymore now as I think I have said all I can say.

I hope you will find the strength to do what you NEED to do - not what you want to do.

Anger often defends a value. Like self preservation. Or how we feel the world should be. Which is what your therapist is probably going through. So your "resistance" violates his belief about his methods. Rather than taking resistance as feedback he takes it as, I don't know, more like a criticism maybe.

I find your comments very interesting and informative. These are things I would not have thought of but make perfect sense.

Take care.

This is a HUGE thank you to each and every one of you who responded to this post.

I am not the type of person who frequents boards, have never been to a chat room or any of that stuff. I initially signed up here to gain information on the therapy process, as I was about to embark on my first therapy experience ever. You can see that my posts are few. Can't even remember what they were but who cares.

Never, ever did I imagine that some unknown entity(ies) could have an actual effect on my life. I swear that if I had not posted about this situation and had you not responded, I would NOT have taken steps to end this abusive relationship, at least not so abruptly! I remain flabbergasted that I so readily responded to the posts of complete strangers but perhaps it was because deep down I knew something was really wrong. Nevertheless, my decision to take action this quickly is unheard of and I owe it to all of you. Mushy or not, I must thank you over and over because it's all your fault.

I posted earlier this evening in the midst of a panic atttack/breakdown/whatever you want to call it, and really do not care to elaborate further but to keep it simple, I called him this evening and it is now done and over with. Period. Once I completely get over the shock of giving over my trust only to have it trampled on AGAIN I know that I will be much better off and have you to thank you for it. It has already been somewhat liberating but I do remain disillusioned among other horrible things. The worst of the worst is finally opening up to trust another human being who KNOWS I have not trusted anyone for years and then he goes to abuse that trust AND WORSE YET could care less that he did it.

His last words were, "If you decide you want to continue therapy then call ________ and have her schedule an appointment next week. If not, my door is always open."

If I had not come on this forum and, more importantly, if no one responded to my post, I would have never had that conversation with him this evening and could have continued on being abused for an indefinite period of time. I was so wrapped up in the fact that someone actually cared enough about me and wanted to help me that I couldn't see reality - or better yet, perhaps saw it in glimpses but couldn't bring myself to face it.

At the risk of sounding corny, I owe you guys my life. If it would have continued for years there is no way I could have handled the reality of the situation when it would have eventually come to a head.

To the moderators and/or whoever created this forum, and of course the responders - I want you to know that you have truly affected and possibly even saved a person's life. There is really nothing more that I can say except thank you. You made a REAL difference in someone's ilfe.

Thank you SOOOO much.

Cheryl

I think you are right Cheryl, deep down inside you knew that this relationship was far from therapeutic and I feel very proud of you that you chose to end it. You listened to your body and mind what it was telling you and have acted accordingly - you looked after your Self.

This was a very difficult step to take and very painfuul too perhaps? The next few days/weeks/months can be really difficult now and the urge to go back can become huge. That is why I think it is important to look for another therapist.
You dont have to go through this on your own anymore. It is ok to reach out and ask for help.
And you can now tell someone about the abuse - it does no longer have to be sileneced.

Well done for being able to take your power back, for taking control of the situation and ending the abusive relationship.

A few days ago, after nearly 2 years of therapy, my therapist attacked me verbally - yelling and screaming - and berating me. Either a) he was having a bad day and acted unprofessionally or b) it was some weird form of therapy. Considering my biggest issue I have been working on is getting out of abusive relationships, this was wildly inappropriate it seems. Actually under no circumstances does this seem appropriate at all. It has been shocking after 2 years of seemingly good therapy. I feel like all my trust is gone. I will not go back. In fact in some contorted way, it makes me strong to know my boundaries and to say - appropriate or not - this is absolutely not right for me. I feel a little bamboozled though, and wish I could go back and figure this therapist out. But I think it is better to stay away. I would love to know if anyone else has experienced this?

Therapists have a specific way of dealing with patients.

First, they must completely listen to you.

Second, they create a summary of what you tell them to know the client that he/she understands them.

They ask questions to get at the heart of why you feel and think the way you do?

They listen to repsonses and see do the same things above until they find sometype of root... something that can be addressed as an alternative thought pattern.

They stay firm...calm, sort of detached, yet very personable, so they can be objective.

If a therapist shouts at you, either, they think they know better that being calm cool and collected and believe some other approach is appropriate... which can devistate the client/therapist relationship which is meant to make the client start thinking to help themselves...or they are getting too close to the patient... which complicates things.

If this happens... the therapist becomes something else besides a therapist...

A persecuter... and this is what happens when two people who have emotional problems try to solve each others problems. It seems fine...at first? One person sharing their problems with another person with problems and each trying to give guidance... yet, something can happen? You get too involved in each other.

Persecution triangle. Imagine one person on one side and another on the other and draw a line between them and create arrows on each side. Personal help goes bothways.. Now, imagine another person on top of that line...the persecuter. It makes a triangle and the same type of arrows form to make a special triangle. It's easy to go from helper to persecuter and now you take out your problems and expectations on the person you are helping...and, suddenly, you are no longer helping but condemning.

Imagine a therapist going into the field because they too have emotional problems. This happens regularily...but, they should be trained to be calm, firm and objective. Once subjectivity forms... they will harm the client. And, theraputic relationship is lost... the trust bond... and, everything the therapist has tried to do to help the client.

Therapists shouldn't be yelling ever! They should be using what they learned in psychology, socialogy and, abnormal behavior for a treatment plan for the client... calm, collected, totally objective and personable...

for a second there i got confused who was the therapist you or him lol.

was he a military therapist by any chance?
maybe he just sucks at it and getting frustrated.

this sounds like something out of a comedy movie.

but it wouldnt hurt to ask him if he can explain his behavior

PsyChris wrote:You need to terminate therapy and report him. From your description it sounds like you are providing more therapy than he is.

I agree. Here's one therapist with serious issues! It sounds like you've triggered him. Not your fault -- and he's a menace in practice. Definitely report him.

I don't suppose you were in a position to record any of his calls? What a shame.