Talking to yourself!

**Posts:** 1972 · by **Lisa!** » Sun Jul 17, 2005 7:41 am

My mother always talks to herself when she's angry.I mean if she's angry at someone because of what s/he did even ages ago, she usuallytalk to herself when she's alone in a room!It really bothers me especialy because sometimes I think she's angry at me!I've told her not to it again lots of time but she says I'm not talking about you.I think it's not important who's talking about, it causes others feel bad.But she insists that it's the best way to calm myself!

I always try to help her to feel better.I mean I try to make har laugh.Try to make her think theworld and people aren't as bad as she thinks, but most of time it doen't work!I mean when I leave her she starts her negative thoughts.She's too pessimistic about what people say or do because of her bad experiences in past.And somehow I think it has big effect on me!Sometimes I think I should just think about myself and forget about to help her because I couldn't be successful in her case!
Pleas tell me if she's right.You know sometimes I recommend her to write about them instead of talking but she says I don't have time and energy to do that!

**Posts:** 1706 · by **JAKJRF** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:23 pm

Hi Lisa!.

Older people, especially in the safety of their homes, can develop habits that are less helpful to those around them.

We all have experienced some relief when we tell another of some emotional seeded event. Just sharing it often relieves a bit of emotional pressure. You likely know that many do this talking aloud to themselves when they are under stress. For example a child, or even an adult, who is told to do a thing will "speak under their breath"; just loud enough to be almost heard. That child or adult doesn't really want to discuss the task; they are just voicing their feelings to get some emotional release. It is wise for the one giving the orders to allow this voicing, within reason, for they too have done the same.

Talking out loud in private or in a very safe place to oneself is actually pretty common and is in fact healthy. We discussed this once in another thread. There, we learned that this talking aloud to oneself is termed, "Private Speech". Good discussion there.

You may want to develop some simple word tools to deal with her Private Speech; like, saying to yourself, "That's just my mom". Point is not the try to change her. No conflict is the best way to accept her.

My guess is that you will do little to change mom. At some point, we just have to accept mom as mom; and just love her.

**Posts:** 12 · by **xao** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 3:00 am

There is nothing wrong with you thinking about yourself, but it does sound like you also care a lot about your mother. Maybe the next time she gets upset and starts talking to herself go into your room listen to some music that makes you happy and do something that makes you happy, or if you feel like getting out of the house maybe just go for a walk.

If your mother is in an angry mood, there no is reason why you have to get involved and make yourself upset also. Your mom handles her problems her way, and this does not have to make you unhappy. Try doing something new and see what happens.

Good luck!

**Posts:** 146 · by **angrywife** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 12:17 pm

I think your mother talking to herself is just a way for her to vent, relieve herself of the hurt that someone inflicted upon her in the past.
Some people tend to brood over things from the past, sometimes they are more sensitive and hurt for longer periods of time. You sound like someone who likes to be happy and optimistic. You are lucky! :-)

Since you want to help your mom, I suggest that when you see her talking toherself, you start talking to her about something happy and divert her mind elsewhere. Or you could talk to her and help her get it out of her system, so to say, altho there could always be numerous repetitions!
Play relaxing music at home, keep up a happy atmosphere and generally try to keep her happy, I guess.

She is definitely not angry with you.

In a funny way, I understand this because whenever I sense I am getting angry, I sorta talk to myself, I ask myself to calm down. I sometimes imagine what I might have said to the other person to let them know how I feel. B'cos keeping it in my mind just makes it worse.

:wink:

**Posts:** 1972 · by **Lisa!** » Mon Jul 25, 2005 3:34 am

Thanks all of you!

Talking to yourself!

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