guess im nearly there

Hi george, welcome to the forum!

It's good to hear that you are putting depression behind you and becoming able to look beyond yourself again.

I can well understand your worry about what might happen if you became depressed again. However, there are plenty things you can do to protect yourself from getting depressed again, george. For a start, it could help you and your girlfriend if you both took a look at The Depression Learning Path. This will help you to understand better how depression gets a hold on you, AND what you can do to keep it at bay in future. Depression is certainly not inevitable!

Also, this is an excellent forum to share your concerns, and your discoveries, because as you go forwards you will discover what works for you, and it would be good if you would share that with others!

All the best

Kathleen

hi again,

i have been reading through your site and must say i find it helpful.

i did follow a corse of theripy which helped to draw me from the depression, and now i can cope much better.

the thing is i slipped in to such a deep depression so quickly the first time that im very concerned that it may happen again. i must confess that my confidence in myself is still low and on some bad days all i want to do is hide from the world.

my girlfriend has been amazingly supportive though as many of you will know its very diffucalt for her to understand. i dont want to lose her but now im well enogh to understand iknow i cant hurt her again, theres on way i could live with myself if i did.

i would really appricate any comments.

HI George

I think it might be helpful for you and your girlfriend to sit down together and work out what would need to happen / what you would need to know, for you to both be confident that this won't happen again.

Then you can go about learning what you both need to know, doing what you need to do to make sure you are both happy with the situation.

I would suggest that this might include you both collaborating on creating a list of warning signs that you keep and put your signatures to, with an agreement on what action you will take if the warning signs are spotted. You could also create an agreement on what action your girlfriend is allowed to take should you not follow the action plan you have created, such as moving out after an agreed period.

Your girlfriend would also benefit from learning about depression by reading the learning path.

Hope this helps

Roger

i just wanted to say thanks

i will talk to my girlfriend later about this.

i would also like to point out that when i say i dont want to hurt her any more i dont meen physical hurt, i would never and have never hurt her like that. the hurt im talking about is mental stress.

George, Congratulations and Good Luck.

I have known the triumph of overcoming deprssion and I also know the pain of succumbing to it again. For me it was due to a physical set back and a drastic change in my life style. I am learning the steps now to change my thinking.

I appreciate everything posted on this. In particular, Roger, do I have permission to copy or quote you to Mel on her post - just in case she does not read all of them. (Who could read all of them?) This sounds like it might be a good idea for her and her spouse too.

Thanks to both of you, George, for sharing your success and fear with us and Roger for the good plan of action.

thank you for you comments.

though i have come along way i not totaly sure im at the end of it i still have bad days, but refuse to except this will beat me. i will win im just hope its before i lose my girlfriend.

its put tremendious pressure on out relationship and prey we can get past the tough times for good.

we can all beat it, but it dosent stop it being diffucult. the first step i took was to except and i recomend that you all try to except it as well.

G

Hi George,

I can understand how your girlfriend may have felt, its whats happening to me now. I have in the past threatened to walk out, purely out of exasperation and feeling totally helpless in how to deal with my depressed husband. But when I try to, he breaks down completely and tells me he can't help how he is behaving and that he loves me. He has now been "officially" diagnosed (yesterday morning!!) with Clinical Depression and I have spent the last two days trying to learn about the condition. Yesterday he picked up a packet of medication to help alleviate some of the worst symptoms, they're only for 28 days though and he is very angry and deeply suspicious of them. I have no idea what happens now though! It would be helpful to learn what sort of support from your girlfriend you felt helped you, so that I can do the same.

I'm glad to read that you got over it, it means that my husband may just do that too! <fingers crossed>

Nadia

hi there,

thats a tough question to answer, im still looking back and trying to understand where i have been but i will do my best to help.

my girlfriend has a strength inside her that im gelious of, she can make a decsion and live with the consiquenses of it. knowing that the decsion she made was right at the time even if it turns out to be the wrong one over all ( i hope that makes sence).

i realsie that not every one has this strength, but the essance of how she copes can help all of us. we get one shot (as far as i know) and what ever we do we have to be true to ourselves. we have to make the tough decisions and do our best to stand by them. we have to understand that sometimes we make the best decsion and it still ends up more different than we thought.

when i was depressed i couldn't believe my own thoughts as i wasnt thinking clearly, the fact that even though things were hard for my girlfriend she did what she thought was best, gave me strengh and confidence. i couldnt trust myself but i found i could trust her. her strenght helped me pull through.

this help can be given by family members, close friends and of corse partners. it may seem small to many of you but its the best help i got and i tryed many things.

but of corse its always more complicated than it seems. theres one thing you have to know. when you cant cope with the situation any longer something will have to give. im sure you and your husband love each other very much but if it comes to a time when the situation becomes to hard for you, you have to make the choice and do whats best for you.

the last thing i want to do is make my girlfriend unhappy and it helped me to know that if she couldnt cope she would leave. i know this sounds crazy and im not saying that you should tell your husband this. but more than doing whats right for him you have to do whats right by you.

god i hope i haven't mixed you up im not very good at explaining things in writing.

nadia i wish you all the luck in the world, it is possble to get through these tough times. though sometimes its hard to see.

george

ps if you want to talk more feel free.