An anger management tool

My issue is with Social Services.

Pokiebear wrote:My issue is with Social Services.

Hi Pokiebear,

We spoke at more length on that other thread. But, Wow, your problem is with Bureaucrats. You really need to remain calm for all of this. Remember, to them it is just a job. Also, while they may not be the most intelligent and capable people in the World, still, they are far from being idiots. Remember, they all went to College to do what they are doing. One of the frustrating things you may encounter is that No Bureaucrat can remember All the Rules, and that for some reason Each Bureaucrat remembers a different set of rules. You may do EVERYTHING that one Bureaucrat told you to do, to find out from the Next Bureaucrat down the line that there is More to it. Be ready for such frustrations and try to smile and see the humor in it, and just do what they ask. Complaining will only Darken your mood, and you want to stay Bright. remember, these people are trying to do the best they can, but the days are long and they have to pace themselves, so don't get frustrated that nobody seems to be hurrying for you. Time goes slowly for you, but it might go quickly for them (you remember what it is like at Work -- sense of time wavers -- sometimes time flies and at other times the clock just freezes), so you need to focus on being patient. Always have a book to read so you don't just sit and fidget when you need to wait things out. Try to be warm and friendly to everyone on the Office Staff -- you never know who might be important for you. If you slip once in awhile and show your frustration, try to catch yourself immediately, and apologize -- tell them that all this paperwork has you really nervous but how you really appreciate how everyone there is trying to help you. Don't treat them like the Enemy because then they will have no sympathy for you. But if you can make them like you... well, Bureaucrats can do MAGIC with paperwork when they feel like it (yes, they can cheat for you).

For instance, I was recently a borderline crippled. Osteoarthritis in both my Hips. When I was still working, I thought I was too important to take time off to get my legs fixed, and then the Job suddenly just disappeared, along with my Health Insurance. By the time I was able to establish Health Insurance again (after several years), my hips were really shot, and I was on crutches and could barely go up and down stairs. But there were screwups with my Health Care coordination, the Clinic and the Hospital. My operations were delayed for almost a year. But did I go Crazy? No! I put on my best Smile and stayed positively engaged... if I had been Angry, nobody would have told me anything. By being nice and using the Pronoun 'We' all the time ( as in "are we getting any closer to establishing a credit line with that Vender?") I was able to piece together more and more of the puzzle. Christmas came and I got Everybody in the System Christmas Cards. Valentines day came and I got all the Ladies cards (and some I really did like). Finally, this one Nurse at the Clinic I had been speaking with, listened to everything I was able to find out, and she, on her own, decided to camp out on the phone and just start calling every office involved with the Delay, and she got everyone involved on a Conference Call and was able to break lose the funding and Un-freeze a Credit Line to the Hospital. Now I have two brand new Legs. But what if I had Copped an Attitude and been seen as a big pain in the butt? I might still be crippled today. Instead, there must be at least 20 people in all those offices, and clinics who break out in smiles when I am still 30 yards away. I used to be an Angry Person but for this I was able to consistently from Start to Finish handle everything the Right Way. I got a Happy Ending and I feel good about it. those people are my Friends now. Angry people don't have friends.

So, please, be careful with your Bureaucrats. Remember, if things don't work out, then its the Rules, or Circumstances, but its NOT the People. No matter how bad it gets, keep thinking WE, not Them. Remember, you might see them again sometime. It'd be nice if they smiled when they saw you coming.

You hit the nail on the head.

It seems so easy to fix and sooooo impossible at the same time. Then bam the magic or if i blow it,,, wam the gavel!

******
Your patience paid off and I WILL hold this true life story for encouragement for me during this storm.

I Love my Children sooóo much and I don't want to make it worse.

The balancing act of knowing when to speak up (correctly) and when to stow it is key

Pokiebear wrote:You hit the nail on the head.

It seems so easy to fix and sooooo impossible at the same time. Then bam the magic or if i blow it,,, wam the gavel!

******
Your patience paid off and I WILL hold this true life story for encouragement for me during this storm.

I Love my Children sooóo much and I don't want to make it worse.

The balancing act of knowing when to speak up (correctly) and when to stow it is key

Mr. Pokibear,

Keep in mind that you can say almost anything as long as you use a low, calm and confidential voice. It is like the way you would deliver Bad News to somebody (I'm so sorry but your husband didn't make it). Lean in, talk with a bowed head, and in an almost intimate voice. It is so obvious that you do not want to make it into a fight, but that you feel you need to share your innermost feelings, heart to heart, friend to friend... and, Yes, even you you really just hate them. But this is what Works and keeps everybody from going to War over everything. World Peace will cost us much of our Pride. But I believe it is worth it.

And remember what I have been saying about controlling your Cortisol Levels -- keep that mouth open and don't allow those jaw muscles to tense up. that is the message to your Brain Glands to NOT pump the Cortisol.

I agree. There is righteous anger which stems from being angry at problems and there is unrighteous anger which is directed at people. I go to church and fight against negativity in my life as a weekly ritual. It has helped in big ways.