What to do in an emergency? (suicide)

Hi Egor,

Life seems tough for you at the moment, constantly thinking about suicide, dreading the next moment of life.

It's understandable that you would want to be free of that pain, but remember there are many other ways of being free of pain. Many people who have attempted or contemplated suicide have been really pleased later on that they didn't succeed. Life is such a precious gift.

It's good that you care enough for your friend to think about her at this time.

As for the Samaritans, you're not wasting their time if you call them, you're wasting their time if you don't call them - they are sitting there waiting for your call.

I wonder what you think would be most effective, or what has worked for you in the past?

Best wishes, Egor, and keep in touch with us at the Forum.

Hi egor

It's good to see you here again! You are one of the posters who adds value to this forum - even though you feel that maybe you are just wasting everybody's time.

I'm sorry to hear that things are so tough for you. I'm impressed by the level of insight you have acquired - realising that when suicidal thoughts are in your mind, you are unlikely to be able to think straight. It's a real breakthrough when someone who thinks they can't think straight thinks straight about straight thinking - if you get my meaning!

Mike is right about the Samaritans - they're there to provide a service to anyone who is in trouble, and if no one calls they won't have anything to do, so you do them a service when you use their service.

I thought about your question about a 'technique' for when you think you might be about to go through with a suicide plan. I don't know of a ready-made technique that anyone can use (maybe others on the forum know of some?), but I thought it might help to create something which is customised for you. Of course, I don't know you well, so you might have to adjust it to fit your particular circumstances and personality better, and you can feel perfectly free to do so!

Anyway, here is what I've come up with so far.

If it should ever happen again that you are in need of such a defence, you can think of this question: Who would have predicted the Internet?

When you were born, nobody would have predicted that the internet as we know it today was going to come about. People were just getting their heads around floppy disks, and modems which connected directly to one other computer. Practically nobody had "home computers". All the people who knew anything at all about the idea of the world-wide web were boffins in universities, who only ever communicated with other boffins. Nobody knew or believed that it was going to become a world-wide phenomenon, with people anywhere able to communicate almost instantly with people anywhere else - and not just with people they knew, but with any number of people whom they had never met and never would meet. Nobody had thought of the possibility (which we now take completely for granted) of internet friends.

Yet here it is. And we would not be communicating with you without it.

And how will it help to think of this? It will remind you that neither you nor anyone else has a crystal ball to see into the future. While we know that SOME things will happen, all kinds of things can and will happen which we have no idea about now. There is always the UNEXPECTED.

And for you to experience the unexpected, the unforeseen, the "what hasn't been thought of yet", you need to stay around. Times may be tough, times may be very hard indeed, but the unexpected can and will occur. So you could encourage yourself to wait some more, just to see what will turn up.

Meanwhile, you can ring Samaritans, or stay in touch with us, or offer help to your friend, or whatever else will help you get through another day!

Well, there's something to think about, and enough for now. Keep posting, egor!

Kathleen

Thanks to the both of you, I just want to say what nice people you are, you sound as if you are genuinly passionate about what you do and for all the right reasons, plus, reading posts on here, I get the impression you're quite good at what you do too .

Its one of those days where I think I'll get close to REALLY thinking about it, and maybe I will get close to actually doing it, heck, I don't even know if I'll still be around for tommorow, or the next day, or the day after that, and I know I don't want to be. Its one of those days when I ask 'what is the point?' I have this problem, not believing in an afterlife, anything good I ever experience, and I really don't believe I will, it would all be completely pointless come the day I die, because the memories would die with me, I would be in the exact same situation whether I die earlier or later, whether I have a good life or not, I will not be conscious. I hope that makes sense.

Its also one of those days where I feel as if I CAN'T live for tommorow, I only just got back from work, I didn't just dread the next day as soon as I came home, I dreaded it during work, I couldn't stop wanting to die, my mind was all over the place, and I made a twat of myself alot of times, like always, thats who I am, the guy who can't do anything right.

Thanks Mike, I hadn't thought that about the samaritans.

And thanks Kathleen, thats a thought I hadn't thought of before.

I know people who don't kill themselves and end up having happy lives are glad they didn't go through with it, I know life can be great, but not for me, I just can't stop thinking that . The present always seems to override people's pasts, when they're thinking about things, anyway. I feel mostly concerned with the present, and the future, I don't care about any good things that may have happened in the past (probability dictates that they should have occured), only the bad memories. Likewise, someone who is now happy seems glad they're still alive, they seem mostly concerned with the present and future, and only the good things in the past, even though bad things most likely happened. Yeah, anything could come around the corner, then again, it might not, and I don't really have a point, I feel as if the present is the most important thing, I wonder what the point in me hurting like this is when I could stop annoying people and no longer be in pain all in an instant, it'd be like I neither had a good or bad life.

Okay, making no sense, sorry, long post, I'll shut up now. I feel like a selfish backside.

Hi Egor,

Thank you for taking the time to reply, thank you also for your kind words, they are so appreciated.

Yes, you're right I am passionate about other people, and I also passionately believe that people have the ability to make their lives better. And knowing that is motivating.

Kathleen's idea is good, isn't it! Made me start to get curious about what delights and mysteries the future might bring!

You say that life can be great for others, but not for you. You also said that it's not possible for you to think straight when you feel like this - do you think that might be an example of it?

Keep in touch and looking forward to being in contact very soon.

Hi egor

From other's replies I guess you aren't a newcomer (like me!) to these forums so forgive me if I am going over old ground. I hear that you do not feel depressed, but your strong and painful feelings of wanting to die suggest that should at least be considered. Could you see your doctor to talk through some options (there are always options) to help you feel less awful? You are doing brilliantly by talking to your friend you mentioned, and to us here, but you don't have to do it all on your own. I also really want to say that I truly believe that we all need each other. Your honesty here is helping a lot of others who don't yet have the skills and awareness you have - please remember that when you next feel you can't go on.
Take good care
Sab.

Michael Lank wrote:You say that life can be great for others, but not for you. You also said that it's not possible for you to think straight when you feel like this - do you think that might be an example of it?

I just knew that comment of mine would come back and bite me in the backside at some point...

...even when the feelings of wanting to die aren't strong, I still can't see a future for myself, the problem really is me, I can't talk to people, or say funny things, I'm simply not bright enough to get anywhere in this world... the only time I get complimented is on the net, by a couple of friends (who I've never met...), always figured they were the imaginary friends I never had, I forget what I've said and haven't said, but, I'm curious as to how abnormal this is, when I'm in a social situation, and this is going to sound sad, I can't talk to people, like at work, what I do instead, is daydream, but the daydreams are about the social situation I'm in there and then, I daydream about it going really well, I have imaginary conversations, this is so embarassing, its things like that which make me feel worthless, because I constantly feel as if people are judging me and in their heads thinking I'm a right loser, and, I totally agree with them, anyway, this is a bit off-topic, I were just wondering if there's a term for that sort of escapism, or if its just me being sad, I've been doing it for so long its become who I am, even as a child.

Sab, thankyou for your post, I really feel as if I'm sad rather than depressed, simply because all my problems seem so petty, I can't really pinpoint exactly what is wrong, apart from me, and that makes me feel self-indulgent and a whiner, I feel guilty because I feel as if I'm just being someone who can't deal with things and that really I'm not at all deserving of help, its hard to explain.

egor,
going for long walks, running and dancing helped me very much to break the pattren of deep rooted depression (after long years of illness).
do any PHYSICAL activity so that the blocked energy can flow again. spending some time regularly in the nature (a garden or a tree) also makes u aware of the natural harmony and intelligience inherent everywhere in the nature. and slowly slowly we become aware that this harmony and intelligience is our real nature, i hope u will give it a try.
start from tomorrow - wake up early in the mornig, go for a l-o-n-g walk or jogging. or u can turn on ur tape record and dance for one hour, and u will feel that if u can dance in such a great depression then u r the MOST DENGEROUS MAN in the world...i always feel like this. over the long years of illness and depression one day i suddenly realized that analysis never solve the problem in fact it makes it more worst because the same mind which creats depression is now analising the situation.
so just drop the mind, there are infinite possibilities, and remember to breath deeply from ur belly it will help u to obvercome the negative instinct because belly is the center of ur life.
i told u this just because it worked for me.

Hi Egor,
I respect you being upfront about this issue, it is a credit to your inner strength, that you resist & by doing so each resistence builds a safety barrier of sucesses for you to remember.
When I became depressed ( mostly due to stress & major life events) I didn't even know it for months, when I finally realised that it was not usual for most people to send most of their personal time crying & feeling like a rats backside...... I decided to see my doctor & ask for help.
I had counselling for several months, consider myself not to be depressed now but still find life hard & can be very low sometimes.
Just 3 mths ago I was finding my life to be a lonely, fruitless, uphill struggle & I didn't want to do it any more, after so many bleaker days, months of counselling & having come this far...... I had a really terrible lonely,sad & meaningless evening & thought if I killed myself that would stop me feeling like that ever again.

I called a friend, bless him for returning my call & we spoke about the S word & decided that while things were rough, they could get better.
The truth is things are a little better since then, still got a long way to go..... I believe it is right to resist the feelings that suggest they are a solution, it is not.
I am saying this from the standpoint of someone who is still struggeling to put my life back together, who sometimes feels overwhelmed by what has happened & what needs to be done. I don't have a loving family to support me, or a partner, I spend a lot of time on my own.
I have thought about how tempting it is a couple of times, but its not right & I'll stay put & deal with the crap as best I can, it will get better.
I choose dealing with lifes crap because I want to be happy, if I cash in my chips I'll never know.
Keep going, never give up or stop talking to anyone and everyone who can help.

egor, there ARE techniques.

this is what helped me SO often in these situations:

I just look at the clock, and remember, that no matter what happens, whether do I like it or not, time is still going to be automatic and will not ever stop. Whatever I do, whatever happens to me, whatever happens around me, tomorow will automatically BE, and will automatically pass. There is no way known to man to possibly escape tomorrow. Most importantly: you will automatically get through tomorrow, and will automaticaly get through this year. You will always get through, just like you did yesturday and the day before and the day before.

Of course sometimes the reason itself for your horrible feeling is that you don't HAVE ENOUGH time. You feel like you have no time to think through exactly how is it BEST for you to get through. and you go suisidal believing that it's the only way to escape time. But you gotta realize - if you kill yourself, you will NEVER get through it. And in fact, not only will you not get through this one problem (which could be completely irrelevant to the rest of your life in the first place) but you will nevre have another chance at effecting the world much more. You won't be able to change the way your friends think. You won't be able to change people's oppinions, can't help them anymore. Not just people, can't help the world anymore. Can't harm the world either. You might say "F*** THE WORLD!". But deep in your mind, you know that convincing people of stuff, and giving them your oppinion and in general changing other people might just be one of the reasons to live. Time will not stop, but you will no longer even exist to recognize the fact. And besides - there is absolutely no guerantee that heaven exists, and even if you're a strong believer you probably remember the many times you heard of suiside as being one of the worst sins.

You might be saying : "I don't even WANT to go through my problem, I simply want to get over with it!". But, you surely can get through it. You might not realize it, but as I said before, you will automatically get through it because of time, and if you want to get through it in a good way, you can surely achieve that as well - if you only decide to fight till the end and do everything you can possibly do to still get the best outcome out of your situation, you will only feel stronger and more satisfied. I say it feels great when you are absolutely sure you CAN't get through it, but you have this feeling that you're completely nuts and still going to. ( every time I felt that way, I got through all my troubles better than I expected and loved the feeling when it finally WAS over)

As michael said - most people that tried to suiside and survived usually love to feel alive after the the event and are very happy that they have managed to survive it. If you're not that kind of person and want to die even more after failing an attempt, please again realize the couple of facts I stated above.

You are very lucky to have such a friend that would comfort you to that extent. Friends are great, really really talk to her often about your feelings. It seems to me like you're in close relationships with her and can surely trust the person. Friends save lives, egor, friends save lives.

The last thing you should do is go to a doctor saying "I'm crazy, want to kil myself, please help", because they will take it very seriously and you might regret it.

As some other people said - exersise. And exersise as viciously as you like. It's a lot better to hurt yourself trying to punch a tree to death than to kill yourself.

Here's a story:

I still got that buckeye tree growing beside my house. I tell yeh, It's sooo cool to have the bruise on your knuckle and another on the right leg! The bark on the buckeye had long healed and too left an everlasting mark on it that grows wider every year as the tree grows yet older. I find very pleasing to look at from time to time. I fell in love with the tree ever since that day it probably saved my life. I'm growing one of it's seeds too. still haven't planted it back outside, it's growing taller every year inside a giant pot in my room. The funny thing is - we share a birthday with it. It started growing at my birthday a few years back just barely pushing a sign of green out of the nut.

But anyway, hope I helped.