I need advice please

**Posts:** 1 · by **forgive-me** » Thu Feb 26, 2015 12:17 am

I haven't told anyone anything I'm about to put here so please bear the long rant.

I'm 15, 5'5, and weight from 103 to 106 lbs. I'm probably overreacting as usual but whatever. I'm pretty sure I developed an eating disorder or I'm just dumb. I have to eat under 300 calories at school (my main consumption of food), I have to eat healthy foods, and I have to eat 4 to 5 hours before bed. I have to this and I have to that when it comes to my eating. I won't eat over 500 calories in a day which I know it unhealthy but I can't, I'll gain weight. I used to be overweight and decided dieting. It wasn't a problem until the last few months. I don't think I'm getting my period either. I never eat over a serving size and I'm a huge calorie counter. I never snack and I can't go to anyone, I'm a burden. I hate being whiney.

Here's another long paragraph about my home life which I think is a result of this. My dad is total drunk right off the bat, always has been so nothing new. Everytime he drinks, I get scolded for being ugly and lazy and fat but now its how skinny and gross and worthless. I hate myself even more. His girlfriend I used to dread but gotten close to recently but she can't sympathize with anything and I'm a burden on her the most, she even complains to my dad about how much time I take, even receiving insults from her as well. They took me to the doctors about my weight loss and I have hyperthyroidism. I don't know what to do anymore. They put me on Ensures but those literally depress me because when I drink the 320 calories, guilt guilt guilt. It even says weight gain on the bottle! I began hiding them so I don't have to drink them. I wish I had more meat on my thighs and butt, I'm getting scrawny.

I recently, as of two days ago, decided no more sugars (belly fat). Although last night I got high, which is something I've also taken up. I ate almost a whole box of Girl Scouts cookies, sugar wafers, and a box of Dots. It seems like the only time I can eat without guilt is when I am high, which is probably the only thing keeping me alive for those calories. Speaking of which, I may be bulimic too. If I eat too much, I have to throw it up. I drink water and let it sit, then throw it up. I never attempted to kill myself or do self harm because people will notice, the only time I went with something was when I ate more than I wanted and when I was showering, I beat my thighs and told myself I was ugly, gross, ect; Luckily I didn't get bruises from it, but I wouldn't mind if I did.

I want to gain weight but than again I don't. I could be eating and use the "I want to gain weight" as an excuse to eat more but than feel guilt and attempt to throw it up. I'm trying to ignore the calories in my dinner so when I'm home, my dad doesn't think I'm skipping out on my dinner (which I used to do.)

Now I don't even bring up food to avoid it at all costs. If I'm hungry/thirsty, I don't get up because if I do, they'll tell me to get something to eat or to drink my daily Ensure. I'm sorry for posting all of this unneeded information, but it's been bottled up inside me for months now and I needed to vent. Please advice me.

**Posts:** 31 · by **JeremyH** » Thu Feb 26, 2015 2:01 pm

Sorry but as you write, you gave unnecessary informations and I am confused what kind of help do you need...

**Posts:** 30 · by **LiveHere** » Sat Mar 14, 2015 4:54 am

Please OP(also all of the others),
I would like to suggest to keep your explanations as short and clear as possible, It makes the helping side more easier to help you here.

have a nice day.

**Posts:** 8 · by **HelpMeToHelpYou** » Thu Mar 26, 2015 12:47 am

I think these people are unfair to say that you should keep your words short and simple as it seems like you have to deal with so much. Unfortunately I have never had this experience and don't know anyone who has dealt with this disorder and cannot advise you properly. But I seems that you have had a lot to deal with and this is the root to your problem. Maybe you need to go to some counselling to talk about your upbringing.
My upbringing was bad and caused me to deal with depression and anxiety and I wouldn't eat because I would lie in bed all day thinking not wanting to move not wanting to eat not wanting to bath not wanting to do anything. Just lie there all day. Thank god I got help for this and although it is really hard just finding someone to talk to really cab help. Most of the root to our problems is upbringing and family life as you are only 15 you cant just up and leave but your family should not be treating you like that It also seems to me that you have a fear of putting back on the weight that's why you are not eating. I really cant advise you so well as I don't know so much about this subject but could you possibly find a help group for people with eating disorders. Just listening to other people that have the same problem as you can help to know you are not alone. Personally I think counselling sessions is also great for you as you need a specialist to give you advice. Bad memories from childhood and upbringing can destroy your life and the earlier you sort the problem by talking about it the better. It only gets harder the longer you leave things. I hope you find peace with yourself and your family and don't hesitate if you need to message back here just to speak with me I wont see you as a burden. I hope you get better soon.

**Posts:** 2 · by **crazystupidwoman** » Mon May 11, 2015 11:43 am

HI. I'm sorry that it's been a while since you posted, but hopefully this will get to you and maybe help a little.
I suffered from eating disorders from my early teens, and like you were, I was overweight too. I became obsessed with my weight, counted every calorie I ate and drank and weighed myself several times a day to make sure I hadn't put any weight on.
In a lot of eating disorders, it is a feeling that you have no control that pushes people down this route, to the only thing you can control...food.
I found that exercising helped. I would allow myself to eat as I knew I would burn the calories off. There is also a difference between not putting on weight by not eating and not putting on weight by eating healthily.(fresh fruit and vegetables are great to start with. Most of these raw contain mostly water, few calories but will start to encourage your body to get into a routine of eating again.)
Please take your ensures, they will help you. If you continue down this route it will damage your body. The ensures will at least give your body the nutrients in NEEDS to survive.
I eventually went to my doctor who sent me for counselling and to a self esteem group which really helped a lot. You have already realised that there is a problem and asked for help, you should be proud of yourself.
As far as your Dad goes, I have the deepest empathy for you. I get that you love your Dad, but verbal abuse is still abuse and you need to find someone, friend, teacher that you can confide in so all that you are dealing with isn't all on your shoulders.
I lived with an abusive man that drank far too much and he used to regularly come home and tell me how useless and worthless I was.
NOBODY has the right to make you feel that way.
You are a unique beautiful person, who is obviously intelligent and having to deal with far more than anyone should be at your age. Find your fight! If you can have such a negative impact on yourself, then you have the power inside you to make a positive impact on your life as well. In a few years you will be old enough to make it on your own, walk away from the people in your life who fill it with negativity, with more knowledge and understanding than most people your age.
I hope that you can start to see the strong, amazing person that is already inside you...allow it to blossom. x

I need advice please

#1

#2

#3

#4

Main Menu

Recent posts

Active topics

Contact Us