Emotional immaturity

Emotional maturity is an individual thing. You may not think he is emotionally mature but that does not mean everyone else in his life feels that way about him.

Is it possible that your "real" question is how do you create in him the emotional maturity necessary for you to fullfill your desires...I would bet he is just fine with his life if he "wouldn't care"...Why on earth would you want to make him grow up before he is ready?

I assume you are intersted in pursuing some type of relationship with this guy...well, a little advice...it is COMPLETELY wrong of you to want to change another person...you need to accept him as he is.

Zuriel wrote:it is COMPLETELY wrong of you to want to change another person

I agree. And doomed to failure.

if he is matured, he might if he really loves u, means either u r charming enough, u knw how to manage/communicate w him, he cares about you...
but, he is too young, isn't him?

ellejean wrote:I'm wondering if I can change someone who is emotionally very immature. The person is 25yrs old and too immature to see his problem. If I explain to him how he is, he wouldn't care. So ..if he doesn't ever change, can I help him in that area.

You can never change a person who does not see a problem or want to change themself. What you need to decide is whether the thing(s) about this person are too much for you to endure.

Peace.

Zuriel wrote:Emotional maturity is an individual thing. You may not think he is emotionally mature but that does not mean everyone else in his life feels that way about him.

Is it possible that your "real" question is how do you create in him the emotional maturity necessary for you to fullfill your desires...I would bet he is just fine with his life if he "wouldn't care"...Why on earth would you want to make him grow up before he is ready?

I assume you are intersted in pursuing some type of relationship with this guy...well, a little advice...it is COMPLETELY wrong of you to want to change another person...you need to accept him as he is.

Well, now, the poster did not really give any details. It is possible that the individual they are referring to engages in truly hurtful behavior. It is also possible that they do not and the perception of this particular poster is not accurate.

I would not necessarily call it wrong to wish someone would change, particularly if they are engaging in selfish and/or hurtful behavior. However, the real question is not can I change someone else. It is more like, can I tolerate whatever is bothering me about this other person, and if not, it is probably time to go.

You cannot make someone else change, though we all know people who behave in hurtful and selfish ways.

Peace.

Emotional immaturity, in my opinion Akiva, has nothing to do with hurtful behavior. I would say that anything we do that is "hurtful" to others or ourselves stems from mental (thought process) immaturity. Emotional immaturity is all about feelings...not thoughts.

Zuriel wrote:Emotional immaturity, in my opinion Akiva, has nothing to do with hurtful behavior. I would say that anything we do that is "hurtful" to others or ourselves stems from mental (thought process) immaturity. Emotional immaturity is all about feelings...not thoughts.

Well, this is the Emotional Intelligence forum after all.

So, you're saying that emotional immaturity has nothing to do with hurtful behavior? Ever?

I also think that while thoughts and feelings are two different things, they are linked at least somewhat.

Peace.

Zuriel wrote:Emotional immaturity, in my opinion Akiva, has nothing to do with hurtful behavior. I would say that anything we do that is "hurtful" to others or ourselves stems from mental (thought process) immaturity. Emotional immaturity is all about feelings...not thoughts.

To clarify, emotional immaturity can, for example, indicate a lack of awareness of how you make others feel. This can definitely be hurtful.

Peace.

I think the lack of awareness indicates mental immaturity...let me reword...

Emotional maturity, IMO, is an inward maturity. It is not something we express to the tangible world. It is an evolution of the soul from not being aware and through life trials / observations, gaining awareness. It is not something any other person can give to us or take from us. It is an understanding and acceptance of our indivdual lives.

Mental maturity, IMO, is outwardly expressed. We speak kindly because we have learned how, we give to others because we have received, we demonstrate sympathy / empathy because we have learned to be considerate. If we are mentally immature, we cannot respond "properly" to stimuli.

You can be emotionally mature and not have a clue how to act. You can be mentally mature and be completely indifferent. The two, IMO, are seperate. They only seem to be connected because most people "act"(mental) on their feelings (emotional).

All simply my opinions. Each is entitled!

Zuriel wrote:I think the lack of awareness indicates mental immaturity...let me reword...

Emotional maturity, IMO, is an inward maturity. It is not something we express to the tangible world. It is an evolution of the soul from not being aware and through life trials / observations, gaining awareness. It is not something any other person can give to us or take from us. It is an understanding and acceptance of our indivdual lives.

Mental maturity, IMO, is outwardly expressed. We speak kindly because we have learned how, we give to others because we have received, we demonstrate sympathy / empathy because we have learned to be considerate. If we are mentally immature, we cannot respond "properly" to stimuli.

You can be emotionally mature and not have a clue how to act. You can be mentally mature and be completely indifferent. The two, IMO, are seperate. They only seem to be connected because most people "act"(mental) on their feelings (emotional).

All simply my opinions. Each is entitled!

Certainly, we are each entitled to our own opinions!

I meant no disrespect, I hope you understand that.

I don't know... in my opinion, I cannot completely separate mental vs. emotional though they are undoubtedly two different things, if that makes sense! I guess a more clear way of putting it would be that i believe they each interact with one another.

I mean, if we look for example at someone who demonstrates a propensity towards seriously emotionally deficient behavior, say, someone who is a serial killer, they may for example be completely lacking in empathy though they intellectually understand that to remain under the radar in everyday life, they must at least fake it, as though they feel. They mimic a more proper emotional response when it suits them, for their end. However, only when it suits them, such as to appear "normal" or to keep their jobs or to not become a suspect, etc.

So I do believe that someone can be emotionally devoid of any sort of humanity but fake it when they need to, and when they do not need to, their intellectual understanding of what is emotionally "proper" goes by the wayside, and they act in a deviant fashion, although they DO in fact have a mental/intellectual understanding of what is and is not acceptable in general. Does that make sense?

Also, I do see emotional maturity expressed outwardly, though again of course we all have our own opinions on the matter and that is just fine! It is life, no one will agree 100% on things 100% of the time.

For example, someone who is particularly tuned in to the emotions of others may hold back although they may really want to say something... not because they are particularly afraid of the consequences, not because they do not feel hurt and even justifiably so, but rather because emotionally they understand where someone is coming from and so they choose for a variety of reasons to let it go or be.

I don't necessarily speak kindly because I have learned how to, although the discussion of how much we learn affects our behavior versus the natural capacity we have for understanding anything be it emotional or intellectual etc, is an entirely different conversation! I do think people have a varying capacity to be emotionally or mentally mature naturally, and that we are also influenced by our surroundings and experiences.

To clarify a bit, I know people who have always tended to be very intellectually intelligent, and people who have always tended to be emotionally intelligent. Some are inclined to think more than they feel, and vice versa. This is where I link the two to a degree in many people... some people will rationalize their emotions, others will think about something intellectually and then figure out how to feel about it. Perhaps I am not putting this well, but my basic point is that sometimes it can be hard to draw a clean line between thoughts and feelings.

Peace!

Zuriel wrote:Emotional maturity is an individual thing. You may not think he is emotionally mature but that does not mean everyone else in his life feels that way about him.

Is it possible that your "real" question is how do you create in him the emotional maturity necessary for you to fullfill your desires...I would bet he is just fine with his life if he "wouldn't care"...Why on earth would you want to make him grow up before he is ready?

I assume you are intersted in pursuing some type of relationship with this guy...well, a little advice...it is COMPLETELY wrong of you to want to change another person...you need to accept him as he is.

I can not agree more with this post. I also say that when you try to change someone then you come off as emotionally immature yourself. Last year I have had someone try to change me. She would really try to force her views on me. I eventually had to sever ties with her.

The need to change someone is more like a sign of insecurity as well. Instead of trying to change someone, it is better to change yourself and try to influence him in the way that you want him to go.

One thing that can inspire people to change is examples. People will respond more to examples than to nagging.

Like the other poster said, it is wrong to try to change another person.

You can't change a person who doesn't want to be changed, no matter how bad you want them to. You have to allow that person to be themself. I'm not saying you can't nudge them alone but make sure you let them understand more, the consequences for being that way.