I poured a pitcher of iced tea on my cat

I think you have a two for one going on here.
Defense Mechanisms
-Displacement
-Identification with the Aggressor

BTW, regarding your mother's assault, I recently asked a lawyer if, when I was a kid I could have taken my parents to court for their misconduct.
He was clearly uncomfortable with this question but basically said that as a kid I would have no "voice" and would have needed an adult advocate.

Hi
i know that anger is something that always brings regrets at the end but you can get to me via tembooksonline@gmailcom to prescribe you book that will go a long way to help like many others out there. What ever the case maybe i have always seen anger as a battle that need to be won for total for sucess in living a joyful life to be achieve.thanks

Going to pharmacy

it's time for a change, change the way that you live, forgive past hurts, get a better balance between work, rest and play, eat healthily, exercise well, learn how to enjoy your life more, contribute more to society

desperate788 wrote:Going to pharmacy

Non sequitur?

Beloved wrote:

desperate788 wrote:Going to pharmacy

Non sequitur?

desperate788 has an ongoing thread here: viewtopic.php?t=75299

Sometimes desperate places his post in the wrong thread.

Did you feel scared and dominated as a child (or maybe recently) that left an (sub)conscious urge to dominate the weaker?

I have been cruel to my sisters cat in the past, chasing her through the appartment and feeling sorry afterwards.
While I was scaring the poor little pet I thought: 'What if others could see me right now?'
I wouldn't respect someone who behaved this way (that is to say I have very little self respect)
I consider myself a friend of animals so I don't understand why I have/had this urge to bully cats.

Do you need anger management? Yes of course you do!! You know its abnormal to behave in this manner.
Flipping tables is a thing most people will not respect you for at all! Consider what people would say if they saw you mistreating an animal? You need help yes! How do you think your behavior will be when you have kids of your own if you don't treat this kind of agression?

I think you did very well posting it here and I hope you and your cat are friends again.
But you should definitely take this up with a professional

Cats are stand-offish, just like some people. Both may benefit by being doused.
I didn't write that.

Sounds like you have an anger issue. But like people already said, you're off to a good start by recognizing it. Look into local or state funded programs to get you a start. Getting a handle on your anger won't be an overnight process, but in the mean time you can certainly try some healthier outlets. Maybe a certain workout when you start feeling hot under the collar. Just please don't abuse animals or destroy your own home.

alectrevelyan wrote:I can't explain what happened to me last night. After a 13 hour day at work, I got home and put a movie on to watch to wind down a bit. My TV is in my bedroom and I was hoping to fall asleep to this movie. My cat then started nipping at my ankles. He does this sometimes, but never before had I had this fit of anger because of it. I reached over to my nightstand, grabbed the pitcher of iced tea that was sitting on it and proceeded to dump it all over him. He ran into the kitchen. So I followed him in there and found him hiding behind some boxes. Then I dumped some more on him. Then I crouched down and splashed what was left in the pitcher straight into his face. I then found myself feeling very guilty... I ran a bath for him and tried to clean all the sticky iced tea from his fur.

Dear Alectrevelyan,

I have five cats in my home, and I also have had bouts of anger, and not always have they been related to the kitties. Now, specifically about the kitties, sometimes for safety reasons or to protect valuable property, one must raise one’s voice and shout “No!”. And one must also sometimes ‘cuff’ the little ones a bit when they use their teeth and claws in a way that could actually hurt you or somebody else. Little kittens look up to us as invincible gods, and need to understand that they can hurt us by, for example, jumping on our faces when we sleep or by climbing up on us by using their claws on our legs or arms. The procedure is to cry out in pain (they understand that – a cry of pain is indeed the Universal language), and to give them the same ‘cuff’ their mother would give them, and considering the size of a cat, that really does not take much force to make a significant impression upon them. Then I make moaning and groaning sounds as I stroke the ‘wound’ they inflicted on me. They get the idea soon enough, and they really try to remember not to do it again. And then, in less than 30 seconds after the initial transgression, forget the whole thing. Move on immediately, and play with them or do something to humor them, to show them that things again are on the friendly status quo. They will be happy to respond that way.

But in your case, you severely over-reacted, and of course you realize it. Now the Anger Management actions which you should take here are two-fold. In the first instance, you need to be able to recognize when a tense situation is building up. Cat nips at ankles. You ask it nicely to stop but cat nips at ankles. Next evening cat nips at ankles… the situation repeats again and again. You need to resolve issues like this when you feel that your frustration level is rising. People who have explosive episodes of anger all share the same characteristic, and that is that they don’t seem to realize that their nervous tension is building up. You need to learn to pay attention to your feelings and body sensations. Are your muscles tensing. Are you clinching your teeth. When you go to sit down, do you get a mental flash about ‘that darn cat will probably start nipping at my ankles again’. In such a case you need to be prepared for the Trigger Event that you should realize is coming, and have a plan for it – a rational and reasonable plan. In the case of your kitty, when she nips at you, well, cry out in pain (they understand that) and give her a motherly cuffing, and then immediately pick her up and kiss her and say she is a little good thing.

The second thing you need to do is learn the immediate signs of an imminent bout of rage. People who blow up in rages describe them as triggering almost instantaneously, that is, one moment they were peacefully minding their own business, were cool and calm and at peace with the world, and the very next millisecond they were ranting and raving and … well, you know the rest. But there is a small moment when you can catch yourself. You must learn to recognize the first onset of an Adrenaline Rush. You see, that Rage Episode is fueled by Adrenaline. It is like the Flight or Fight response in wild animals – an instinctive response to danger or excitement. If you can see and recognize that the Adrenaline is coming, then you can stifle the Crazy Behavior that might ensue. For me, it is my teeth gritting. So when I feel my jaw muscles tighten, I immediately command myself to Calm Down Now. And I do. But you have to act quickly. You often have less than a second to catch yourself in these situations.

Luckily you have a mischievous little kitty to help you practice. When it is being naughty, simply observe how your body responds. What is the first sign that you are getting angry. If you can identify the first signs of how anger develops within you, then you have gone a long way toward being able to control your serious bouts of anger and rage.

Check out “Rage” by Ronald Potter-Efron. I think it is the best book on the subject of extreme rage. But you really should do what I did and read ALL of the books on anger. You can read the reviews to help choose, as some of the books are real silly clunkers. If in doubt, then ask me about it… as I said, I’ve read most of the books and have my opinions about the. You should read a chapter of such a book a day. It will keep your propensity toward anger in front of your mind and keep you on guard. So many people who rage, well, they go for a while peacefully and easy and they forget that they are prone to anger. You need daily reminders to remind yourself to practice awareness and so on and so forth. Anyway, good luck.

Oh, I’m sure Kitty has forgiven you, hasn’t she? Now, cats usually find being bathed a form of torture in itself. But one of my darling kitties once accidentally pooped herself while in the Feeding House (with five cats, sometimes some have to be fed separately or they get edged out on the food). Well, I could have let her clean herself, but I thought a quick bath was in order. I used Baby Shampoo that would not sting her eyes (test such things on your own eyes first). I wore heavy sleeves. They tend to really dig in their claws when they are that much under stress. I washed her and then I dried her. I thought she would hate me for it, but it was actually something of a Bonding Moment between us. She thought it was absolutely horrible while it was happening, but then, it was suddenly all over and she realized that she smelled really really good. And we actually became better ‘friends’ after that.