Hi-This is the first time that I am writing. I have read some of the posts and realize that I might need some advice.
I am getting married this October and I couldn't be happier. My fiance and I get along amazaingly 99% of the time. But over the past year and a half he has been changing. He gets extremly angry over small things. I refer to it as kind of a blind rage. Its almost like he doesn't see me standing there, like he looks right through me. Now this has only happened about 4 times, but in these 4 times he pushes me, throws things and says the meaniest things that I have ever heard.
Up until the other day this has not happened recently, but it did happen again. Now one thing you should know is that he is extremly drunk when this happens. But in my mind that is not an excuse.
He normally doesn't drink much and we hardly ever go out to bars. I work in one first of all and that is the last place I want to be. But he works a lot of hours and we usually just want to rent movies and stay home.
The last time that this happened, we were at my work with all my friends and my brother. They all saw him go insane I missed most of it because I went outside to the car after he pushed me.
To make matters worse on of my friends who knew nothing about the problems before called my parents. They automatically are thinking the worst. They think that he beats me and punches me and that I am a battered woman, which I know is not the case. I know what he does is wrong but he doesn't purposly hurt me. Like I said it is only when he is extremly intoxicated.
The problem that I havce is I am not sure what to do about this. We called a psychologist this morning to make an appointment, but I guess I just don't really understand "anger management" and if thats what he needs.
I am really at a loss- I don't know what to think. I do know that sometimes I can provoke his anger-I can be mean myself but its usually out of defense. I guess I just need advice on what exactly to do and what I am dealing with.
Kins
I am not sure what to do
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by kfedouloff » Sat Apr 09, 2005 8:24 am
Hi Kins
I think you are right to be concerned about this. What does your fiance himself have to say about a) his angry outbursts and b) his drinking? Does HE see any of it as a problem? Or does he always say "You provoked me" ?
Kathleen
I think you are right to be concerned about this. What does your fiance himself have to say about a) his angry outbursts and b) his drinking? Does HE see any of it as a problem? Or does he always say "You provoked me" ?
Kathleen
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by angrywife » Tue Jul 12, 2005 5:30 pm
Hi Kins
I am no expert on anger and its mgmt., but just a couple of thought fro my end in reply to your post.
1) Alcohol, esp. in excess, does cause one to lose control over oneself.
2) Does your fiance have anything in his mind that he is angry or worried about and doesn't talk to you about in his 'normal' state, but expresses in the form of rage when intoxicated?
I am glad this is not a common occurrence. And I think the psychologist should be able to better advise you.
Congratulations on being engaged! Good Luck
I am no expert on anger and its mgmt., but just a couple of thought fro my end in reply to your post.
1) Alcohol, esp. in excess, does cause one to lose control over oneself.
2) Does your fiance have anything in his mind that he is angry or worried about and doesn't talk to you about in his 'normal' state, but expresses in the form of rage when intoxicated?
I am glad this is not a common occurrence. And I think the psychologist should be able to better advise you.
Congratulations on being engaged! Good Luck
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by oevt » Sun Jul 24, 2005 4:00 pm
remember the old saying " I told you..." well is nice to be engaged then you married and you start your journey to hell
He won't change he' get worse after getting married as lots of new different things happen
Sorry but i'll put it shortly
skip it
If he gets later on the right track (always give a opportunity) the rethink and finally you may see a better future but until then you are getting yourself in trouble....
good luck...
He won't change he' get worse after getting married as lots of new different things happen
Sorry but i'll put it shortly
skip it
If he gets later on the right track (always give a opportunity) the rethink and finally you may see a better future but until then you are getting yourself in trouble....
good luck...
by Manlian » Sun Jul 24, 2005 5:23 pm
You should be careful about your prospective relationship with him, and certainly talk to him about avoiding intoxication.
My mother found that my father became an entirely different person when she formally married him and developed a deeper relationship with him.
Sometimes, you can be sucked into the social dynamics of an intimate relationship that excludes normal sensibilities and you end up living in a bubble occupied by just you and your partner.
I know nothing about your case, but my father lured my mother into a black bubble masquerading as 'married life'.
When things got Fcuked up, a facile discourse concealed the abnormality of it all. This prevailing discourse was interpsersed with things like 'a marriage takes work' and the most pernicious - a marriage takes sacrifices.
My advice to you, is get this sorted out now.
Take heart, because chances are your spouse is not as nightmarish as my father, but regardless you should knock this nail on the head. Also, don't badmouth your partner, but don't exclude your friends from your concerns.
My mother found that my father became an entirely different person when she formally married him and developed a deeper relationship with him.
Sometimes, you can be sucked into the social dynamics of an intimate relationship that excludes normal sensibilities and you end up living in a bubble occupied by just you and your partner.
I know nothing about your case, but my father lured my mother into a black bubble masquerading as 'married life'.
When things got Fcuked up, a facile discourse concealed the abnormality of it all. This prevailing discourse was interpsersed with things like 'a marriage takes work' and the most pernicious - a marriage takes sacrifices.
My advice to you, is get this sorted out now.
Take heart, because chances are your spouse is not as nightmarish as my father, but regardless you should knock this nail on the head. Also, don't badmouth your partner, but don't exclude your friends from your concerns.
5 posts
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