Overeating and I feel powerless

**Posts:** 2 · by **Pearlie** » Tue Jan 18, 2011 10:16 pm

I've always felt shame about food. As a young child, I would get my sister to go and ask our mother for a snack as I was too embarrassed. Then, when I was about 8, I remember clearly the first time I crept into the kitchen, filled my pockets with food and sneaked away to eat it in secret. Then at school, I would ask to go to the toilet, but actually go the cloakroom to steal food out of other children's lunchboxes.

When I was about 14, I almost completely stopped eating. I remember sitting in classes, my knees knocking because climbing the stairs had made me so weak. But I lost weight. Everyone commented and it was wonderful. I stopped being a fat loner and was accepted into the Cool Kids' gang. I even had boyfriends. It was the best time of my life.

Then I remember I felt secure, and started overeating again. I remember buying 3 or 4 chocolate bars every night after school, but I genuinely felt like it was out of my control.

In the 10 years or so that have passed since I lost weight and was happy, it has crept on and on. I remember being embarrassed when I got up to a 16 - now I'd kill to be a 16. I remember when I was too big to get into most clothes from Primark - now I'd kill only to have to drop a dress size to wear nice clothes again. I'm a disgusting size 24.

I don't have much of a life. I found university difficult and only made a few friends. I hated going clubbing because I would be the only one who wouldn't find anyone to kiss or people would shout at me that I was fat. I fell into a cycle of sitting in alone and smoking pot. I smoked pot every day for a long time. I would go out to the supermarket every day and spend £10-20 on junk food - sweets, cakes, ice cream, crisps, etc. and then sneak it back to my room, get stoned and pig out. I have never admitted this before but once I even bought a birthday cake and sat and ate it by myself.

I have a Master's degree from a medieval university but no job. I have moved home to my parents'. I have no life, and just hang round the house surfing the web and watching TV. I also take opportunities to buy junk food to consume alone. I wait until everyone has gone to bed before I sneak into the kitchen to prepare unbelievably calorific snacks to eat in secret.

I have no life and very few friends. I'm on the dole because, even with prestigious university degrees, I can't get a job. I have nothing to look forward to for weeks. I am so desperate to change but don't know where to begin, or whether I am strong-willed enough. I'm such a coward and so pathetic. As I type this, I have 2 bags of sweets winking at me from my handbag... I don't know if I've got what it takes to change things. I don't suppose these disgusting food habits sound familiar to anyone at all?[/code]

**Posts:** 823 · by **Nigel** » Wed Jan 19, 2011 5:13 am

Hi Pearlie,
Welcome to the forum

That was a very honest post; most definitely not the words of somebody who is pathetic or a coward, but written by a very brave person who does have the will to make a change. And if the truth be known I’m sure you’ll find there are lots of other people very much like you who are having a hard time with food.

It seems like food has been used in various ways as some sort of comfort since an early age, and it’s surprising how childhood habits seem to follow us into adult life. But if you really think about it you’ll probably find that it’s not so much about food, but more about blocking out painful feelings or compensating for something that’s missing from life.

I had a good friend who struggled with an eating disorder. Primarily anorexia, but there were periods – especially after hospital stays – when she felt she had lost anorexia but still turned to food as a way of coping. During those times it manifested in spells of binge or comfort eating. She would describe it as a way of stuffing back down the painful emotions she was feeling. But it just made her hate herself even more for doing it, which kept the whole cycle of destructive emotions goings.

I may be wrong but I get the sense that there’s another person here who doesn’t really like themselves, and when that happens it makes it hard for that person to be kind to themselves and act in their own best interests.

New Year... new start... what do you think?
Time to close the handbag so those sweets can no longer winks at you

Take care

Nigel

**Posts:** 10 · by **Bored75** » Fri Mar 18, 2011 2:48 pm

What an honest post - I can indentify with it completely!
Im a compulsive eater and can easily eat up to 6,000 cals a day! - completely out of control with food and alcohol and used to be a heavy weed smoker, secret eater and loner.
I have periods of starving myself to my desired size and as soon as the last pound falls off I start eating everything in sight again - an all or nothing approcah yo yo dieting and binge drinking followed by intense self hatred!
I dont have a life at the moment either - Im getting up going to work coming home staring at the TV or computer and going to bed - days filled with overeating and then binge drinking by myself - to then over eat the next day because Im hungover and exhausted!
Im so sick of it - Im sick of feeling disgusting! if anyone has the answer then pls let me know!
I feel your pain sweetie x

**Posts:** 1444 · by **stella_blues** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 12:26 am

Binge eating is a recently recognized disorder, as serious as anorexia and bulimia. It's not your fault any more than juvenial diabetes is a diabetic's fault. I really strongly feel people need to accept that and stop blaming/shaming the person for having the disorder. Its not about eeating for the sake of eating. It's not as if someone can just *not* binge eat with this disorder. Not without intensive therapy and support. It serves a deeply engrained purpose, a learned survival mechanism. Many times iin response to abuse or trauma of some sort. And often in combination with a genetic propensity, like with alcoholism. I just want to say it's not your fault. It's not your fault. And it can be healed. So never give up hope. One thing that may help is to start by googleing "binge eating disorder" to learn more about it. Best wishes to each of you. You're beautiful people who deseve the right kind of help. It's not your fault.

**Posts:** 1 · by **Promype** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 2:38 am

Binge eating is a recently recognized disorder, as serious as anorexia and bulimia. It's not your fault any more than juvenial diabetes is a diabetic's fault. I really strongly feel people need to accept that and stop blaming/shaming the person for having the disorder. Its not about eeating for the sake of eating. It's not as if someone can just *not* binge eat with this disorder. Not without intensive therapy and support. It serves a deeply engrained purpose, a learned survival mechanism. Many times iin response to abuse or trauma of some sort. And often in combination with a genetic propensity, like with alcoholism. I just want to say it's not your fault. It's not your fault. And it can be healed. So never give up hope. One thing that may help is to start by googleing "binge eating disorder" to learn more about it. Best wishes to each of you. You're beautiful people who deseve the right kind of help. It's not your fault.

**Posts:** 38 · by **joya123** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:31 am

The post is very honest in identifying shame as the source of the problem.

**Posts:** 2880 · by **paulo111** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 3:06 pm

You should research the link between zinc deficiency and eating disorders. Or perhaps try Zinc and see if it has an affect. I dont think shame is neccersarly the source of the problem, the source of the problem may not be psychological but biological.

**Posts:** 38 · by **joya123** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 3:36 pm

Equally whatever the source of the problem, you still need to get rid of shame :oops:

**Posts:** 2880 · by **paulo111** » Tue Mar 29, 2011 5:37 pm

Not neccesarily, it depends how you look at it. Some recommendations for eating disorders are nutritional supplements that may raise seretonin, therefore it could be assumed eating disorders can be due to self-esteem and MH issues. But seretonin is primarily affected by biological issues, not psychological ones. So until you address the underlying biological cause psychology wont really help. We need to acknolwedge the role biology plays in brain biochemistry. And the role biochemical imbalances play in the development of eating disorders.

**Posts:** 38 · by **joya123** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 9:34 am

I don't know how raising the chemistry in your brain will erase the connection between shame and eating.

**Posts:** 1444 · by **stella_blues** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 11:56 am

paulo111 wrote:Not neccesarily, it depends how you look at it. Some recommendations for eating disorders are nutritional supplements that may raise seretonin, therefore it could be assumed eating disorders can be due to self-esteem and MH issues. But seretonin is primarily affected by biological issues, not psychological ones. So until you address the underlying biological cause psychology wont really help. We need to acknolwedge the role biology plays in brain biochemistry. And the role biochemical imbalances play in the development of eating disorders.

Overeating is a common sign of depression, hence the reason tweaking seretonin levels help with that. In the research I've done, binge eating disorder is a learned coping mechanism, a form of self harm that becomes compulsive. Often it's comorbid wiith OCD and/or PTSD. Usually can be traced back in the history to a time of trauma or abuse. I would say, based on what I've llearned, this is the case for most people with BED. That said, I agree 100% that biological and genetic factors should never be ruled out. I guess where I would differ is that I feel support, tharapy of some sort, is the place to start, condsidering that, obviously, starting with altering the diet would be doomed to fail, just by the nature of the disorder. And initially pinning hope on supplements or medications could be defeating and discouraging. They're certainly worth looking at. Just that I don't feel it's the first course of action to take in this case.

**Posts:** 2880 · by **paulo111** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 12:36 pm

joya123 wrote:I don't know how raising the chemistry in your brain will erase the connection between shame and eating.

Your brain chemistry/neurotransmitters dictate your mood. If, for example you were low on seretonin you are more prone to depression and this may come into effect in the eating disorder, and the feeling of shame after eating the wrong things. Perhaps if the brains neurotransmitters were more favourably balanced they would not get this feeling of shame.

**Posts:** 2880 · by **paulo111** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 12:44 pm

stella_blues wrote:
paulo111 wrote: Usually can be traced back in the history to a time of trauma or abuse.

Appreciate your points, but what if it cant be tracked though, what then, is that the point we realise biochemical imbalances may be at work?. And what if relating the depression/eating disorder to past trauma was a self sense of security, and subsequently an inaccurate match. For example, is there a danger of mistakenly linking the eating disorder to past trauma, just because past trauma has occured? Just because past trauma has occured does that then make it a certainty that this is the root cause of the depression, or is it justy convinient to tie the two together and say they are linked? Personally I think biology has to be ruled out before psychology. Sure, there are psychology self-help resources, but in the main you normally have to work through such issues with a psychologist and they dont neccersarily come cheap (not in my experince anyway). If the actual root cause was biological not psychological, surely its waste of money to work with a psychologist before addressing the biological side of things? Likewise you could say if its psychological working with a nutritional/digestive Doctor is equally a waste of money. I just think people to easily assume that past trauma is the reason people have depression, overlooking many people have past trauma and dont suffer depression, it seems a convinience to shoe horn MH issues into psychological issues just because of an indiviudals past.

**Posts:** 1444 · by **stella_blues** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 10:49 pm

It would seem your focus of interest and expertise is on biochemical aspects of human behavior. I'd just caution against using that aspect as a blanket explanation regarding the myriads of mh disordrs. When a person w/an ED talks about growing up with neglectful parents who didn't feed them, or a woman remembers starving herself as a preteen during a period of sexual abuse, or a young woamn feels out of contol with eating after a period of emtional abuse from peers bc of her image... it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know where to start. And for the majority of people with eating disorders, these stories and experiences are just an interview away. And of course, we should always explore the genetic and biological factors, too.

**Posts:** 2880 · by **paulo111** » Thu Mar 31, 2011 8:17 am

stella_blues wrote:It would seem your focus of interest and expertise is on biochemical aspects of human behavior. I'd just caution against using that aspect as a blanket explanation regarding the myriads of mh disordrs. When a person w/an ED talks about growing up with neglectful parents who didn't feed them, or a woman remembers starving herself as a preteen during a period of sexual abuse, or a young woamn feels out of contol with eating after a period of emtional abuse from peers bc of her image... it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know where to start. And for the majority of people with eating disorders, these stories and experiences are just an interview away. And of course, we should always explore the genetic and biological factors, too.

I am sure if I had an interview with a psychologist he or she could tease out some issue from somewhere that they could claim was the root cause of my anxiety when I was bad. But the thing is my anxiety flared up after eating (or drinking the wrong things), no amount of talk therapy can help there, as relaxing and supportive as it was it offered no benefits to my symptoms whatsoever, and I was warned of talk therapy by many folk when my anxiety started as they told me it was a waste of money, which was perhaps a little harsh but it is not well established that people tend to look at the biological aspects equally if not more than the psychological aspects. I also find it uncanny how many folk, especially on the anxiety forum, have IBS, Hypothyroidism, addicitions to caffeine, addicitions to sugar, drink problems, drug problems, run course after course of anti-biotics yet still want to beleive there problems are purely psychological. I have always said a combination of psychology and addressing biochemical imbalances such as hypoglycemia, adrenal fatigue, hypothyroidism etc is probably the best way to go about it (but doesnt come cheap unfortunately).

Overeating and I feel powerless

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