lack of self confidence

Hi,
I finally found someone who can help me. I keep searching for
information about self-confidence and doctors who can help me online
because I live in a small village and there are no pyschological
doctors
in my village.

I grew up in a big family. (5 sisters and 4 brothers) I am the youngest
among the sisters and I have a younger brother. I have one sister who
is
one year older than me. She is beautiful. I grew up hearing everyone
around saying how beautiful she is and that she is the most beautiful
one in the family. I convinced myself or maybe everone convinced me
that
she was more beautiful than me and I always said that she was. I never
felt jealouse of her (not before I was engaged) I am the only one who
is
educated in the family except of my father who is a poet. I am an
English teacher and I write poetry in English and I also write songs.
(my first language isn't English) I partcipate in contests in the
Internet and I was nominated twice to win money for my poetry. I am
beautiful or maybe cute and I am engaged to a great person. I am saying
all that beacause despite all the things I have, I lack self
confidence.
My fiance helped me a lot, I opened my heart to him and he helped me
boos!
ting my self confidenec but I still feel sometimes unpretty. I wasn't
very pretty when I was a child but I was very good at school but I
don't
know why they used to call me stupid. I never felt pretty and my self
confidence was so low. I never trusted anyone and I always doubted
others. When I got engaged, I started to feel jealouse of my sister and
I doubted my fiance that he is interested in her which killed him and
me. I cried to him nights and I felt guilty but the doubts refused to
go
away. He helped me through and showed me how much he cares and now I am
better; I don't doubt him (you know that he has special interests for
my
sister) I know he loves me but to tell you the truth I hate it when he
wants to visit me and she's there (she's married plus a daughter) I
don't know why but what happened in my childhood still affects me I
mean
she always grabbed everyone's attention eventhough I was the smart one.
I am always afraid that she wouldgrab my fiance's attention. He !
always says that I am his one and that I shouldn't be worried!
at all and she's like a sister to him. by the way he never showed any
interets in her but it's my doubts that lead me to think that way. I
take care of myself much more now and everyone is noticing the
beautiful
and smart me but there's something still missing. WHAT IS IT? I am
jealous (I am talking about the love jealousy here) and I don't like
it.
I doubt my fiance that he looks at other girls. It's killing me I just
need help please why I am like that? I have so many good things in me I
am a good friend a kindhearted person why is this happeneing to me
please help me.
please send me back How can I help myself.
Do I have a serious problem??
Do I hate my sister?? despite the fact that I care about her and worry
about her??
whose fault is that?
please it's top secret ony my fiance knows these things
I TRUST YOU