Public speaking fear pressing me in corner

Postby 27yoloner » Thu Aug 25, 2011 3:54 pm

I want to share my public speaking fear with you guys . Unfortunately, I am not a teenager or a college student, I am 27 years old professional with around 5 years work experience in different multinational companies. Luckily the jobs I held doesn't involve communication with people much, so I did Ok as far as job goes but never made many friends/acquaintance at work place. I have changed three jobs and every time I join new company I make a promise to myself that I will not end up to be a loner here but it just happens itself. I don't know why I open up to so less that soon people start distancing themselves from me. Though I talk less one on one but I still manage to keep a conversation going but as soon as a third person comes in I would just become anonymous and feel like left out of the conversation. I know the main fear is that "what would people think of it" , every night I sleep I decide that I will not think about what people say cause at the moment they are saying the same so why not express myself but I just can't implement it. This fear has made me sit on my desk quietly for whole 8 hour of work time doing my work without talking with anyone. I have no social life and I feel uncomfortable in gatherings. When in friend I am very comfortable but as soon as third person comes in, who is stranger to me I feel so uncomfortable that I will be almost quite.

Currently I am single but I am already 27 and if I start a new relationship it will be difficult as I am a loner. Recently someone suggested me to consult a psychiatrist, I don't know if that helps.
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#1

Postby Saii » Sun Aug 28, 2011 12:50 am

I myself haven't experienced any problems in speaking to strangers, well in actual fact I think I talk a little too much at times lol. But perhaps you should try to go out more? I think the reason why your scared is because in your mind you have already decided the other persons opinion about you and you are manifesting that fear of talking to a stranger subconsciously before you even get to speak to them. Try to relax and clear your mind and just let the words flow naturally. I hope this helped, if you want to talk any further about this then please don't hestitate :)
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#2

Postby MentalClarity » Thu Sep 08, 2011 10:35 am

The finer points of the original post seem to have been over looked by the two previous respondents so I will attempt to address these misconceptions. The original post refers to the problems that the poster has with social interaction and general conversation, though to be fair the terminology used does read as though this post relates to speaking in front of an audience, which in a sense it does.

Worry is the key concept here and I suspect that far too much time has been spent on creating scripted parts that frequently fail because everyone else is using a different script. While idealism may seem to dictate that a conversation should be free flowing and natural it seldom is for everyone.

Given that the poster has admitted to being a loner, his behaviour (I'm English) when in the presence another person seems to suggest that he focuses his attention on that person, and naturally feels intimidated should another person intrude. This is an example of learned behaviour if only because social interaction is somewhat alien to him.

Behavioural patterns can be adjusted provided the person concerned is happy to experiment in a safe environment. Instead of worrying needlessly about what you might say the next time you find yourself having to interact instead of hanging around tongue-tied just relax and tell a few well rehearsed jokes.
Before you tell me you do not have time to think about learning jokes remind yourself about how much time you have already spent worrying about chatting. Just be careful not to tell overtly sexist or racist jokes and if you do not want to appear boring make sure you learn a few new ones every so often.
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#3

Postby MentalClarity » Thu Sep 08, 2011 1:10 pm

I need to add that with social behaviour it is necessary to refrain from butting into any general conversation, even if you think that the topic is boring, because others might not agree with you. Wait for a momentary lull and then come out with your funniest joke, though do try to make sure it is not inappropriate, telling a joke about unemployment to someone who is unemployed might obtain an adverse reaction.
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