6 years dealing with my ED , relapse in the makin

Recover me wrote: I will go ahead and tell you a little bit of my history since its so long. My eating disorder started when I was 11 years old. I was diagnosed with anorexia when I was 14 , I spent 3 summers of my high school in recovery units and nutrition programs. My senior year I finally kicked ED out the door. I still am obsessed with my food and meals I eat. But I am no longer 80 pounds and now im 108 at 19 years old. I am at a healthy weight for my size and have been doing significantly well. A couple moths ago I had a bing night and purged while taking a hot shower to drowned out the sound of the gaging. I only did it that one time and then today I feel like my disorder just took over me and I forgot how to control my urges and I just was happy while I was binging then planned for the purge. I know this is an obvious sign of relapse and Im terrifiied my life is going so well and I have so many people who love me . Why do I still feel so insecure and am scared to eat my "fear foods". ED is starting to haunt me again. I need some guidance please I don't want to loose myself again.