I hit a girl

Just for the record I have been with my own girlfriend for 3 years and have nver once even considered laying a hand on her. Why do i feel so bad having done nothing but defend myself?

Andypandy123 wrote:...don't I have the rigtht to push sombody away when they punch me in the face?

apparently not with those friends.

feeling bad about social situations is generally a learned behavior. It's an enculturated barrier. It keeps you from crossing the line. sort of a way of enforcing social rules. seems applicable in this situation.

You could probably use a rewind technique for this.

Hey,

Well, both you and I know that whenever a guy gets physical with a girl, whether it be offensive or defensive, people will always place the guy as the aggressor. Perception is also a factor because grabbing her face and pushing her away can definitely look worst to someone else than it appeared to you, especially if everyone has been drinking.

Does that mean that you have to give up your right to self defense? No you still retain that right, however, the purpose of physical attack is to bring you down to their level of helplessness and hurt because they couldn't do it verbally, so there must have been some incentive for an attack to begin with.

Whenever you get into a scrap with a girl, of course you are going to get other guys who rally to take the position of the hero. You see yourself as the victim here, but everyone else sees you as the villiain.

The #1 best way to win without fighting is to simply tell the person, "I'm sorry, you're right." Forget the ego part of it. By telling them this, they have no more incentive to fight because you have taken that away from them. Four simple tactical words.

As far as repairing this, first give up the defense that you were defending yourself because this will only cause resistance with other people. She struck you and you struck her. No of it ever should have happened, but it did. Accept responsibility for it and ask for punishment to set the karma straight again....this psychologically restores the balance of power. Otherwise it will take a long time for people to foget what had happened.

Clients of mine in similar cases such as yours always bring up the issue of backing down, or lowering themselves and losing face, but really this is a smart tactical move. This is the quickest way to attack the conflict head on and get it resolved, so its forward progress and not backing down.

in a way you had the total right to defend yourself, as she hit you countless times

BUT!!! apparently these people do not know the full of it, as i can see 99.9% of people seeing that you were right to defend yourself.

If you are leaving anything you said out, it could be that she took something as extremely offensive.

Personally, i'm proud of you. I would have decked her. I had my X pull a knife on me and I had to disarm her. Wasn't fun, but whatever sex you are you have to protect yourself. The whole problem you face is not the reaction you had, which I feel is justified, but the view of the people.
You will just have to be very apologetic to them. No matter what they will blame you. Tell them you overreacted and are sorry. They want you to fess up as much as the court did Bill Clinton.