Confidence Help / Bullies - Teachers, Counselors, Parents

I'm trying to disarm them, permanently - a temporary solution just won't do anyone any good. Right now, I could either try to show them the error of their ways (I'll work on that first, though I doubt I'll succeed) or determine them to keep quiet until late july, when I'll have enough spare time to deal with the issue seriously. At that point, since I won't be able to take them on at the same time (either psychologically or physically, as I'm sure they won't give the first strike), I'll have to find a way to gradually weaken their interest in fighting. I should avoid doing anything that might install feelings of vengeance or harden their mindless solidarity, but there doesn't seem to be a way to influence them without getting into some sort of conflict. That brings up the question: which kinds of conflict should I choose?

Thanks for the advice, mr. Lank... I'll try to be less optimistic about getting assistance in the future. I'd ask why you were so interested in reading about my beliefs, but I'm afraid the only answer I'd get is "why do you think?".

Hi Demonizer,

My apologies for not replying - the reason I haven't is because to be honest I don't know how to advice you to permanently disarm a gang. I think my only advice would be to stay out of the way of a large number of violent people, but I don't think that's what you want to hear.

Why did I ask you the outcome you sought? Because to me it wasn't clear from your first post, and I didn't know whether I could assist until I was clearer on your outcome.

Best wishes.

I thought I would give you my views on bullying, truancy and locking up mothers of truants. I hope you find my views useful, and I would like to hear your views and comments on it........

A child's refusal to go to school is often misdiagnosed as defiance, laziness, truancy, or school phobia. These are common diagnoses by professionals unaware, some might say negligently, of the circumstances of their clients' unwillingness to attend school. Even parents, pressured and harassed by ther stresses of modern living and working, may be unaware of the real causes.

What if the child is being bullied at school, why then should they be forced to attend a place where there are subjected to ABUSE on a daily basis. Dealing with bullying at school should be the schools responsibility, but all too often it is the stressed parents who find out late in the day. The parents then find themselves powerless to deal with an intersigent school which sees nothing out of the ordinary in bullying driving a pupil to suicide and a local education authority whose priority is to prosecute the parents of absent children rather than address its own failure of duty of care.

A policy alone is not enough; any written decree must be part of an ethos. Schools still find it difficult to create an ethos free of psychological violence when beyond their premises lurks a society which prefers to turn a blind eye.

The world was stunned when Thomas Hamilton walked into the school in Dunblane in March 1996 and shot dead 16 children and a teacher. Words could not express the magnitude and horror of such a senseless act..... Tragedies with multiple deaths are guaranteed front page headlines whilst single deaths often do not attract attention, nor do they generate the same scense of horror. Each year in the UK at least 16 children commit suicide due to bullying at school, and at least 80 children a year attempt suicide due to bullying. Will this number rise if there are tougher measures in place to deal with truancy, and more mothers get sent to prison for not sending there children to school.

Bullies escape attention because of the secretive nature of their craft. Only the bully and target know what is happening. No one else can or wants to see the abuse in their midst. Bullies like most criminals excel at evasion of accountability of which concealment is a major component. So on whose shoulders should the accountability lie? Bullying can lead to murder. Bullying is a serial offence.

If more children die if they are forced to go to school, will teachers who fail to stop this happening be sent to prison for manslaughter. Wilful, intentional, psychological violence can kill as surely as driving a knife into someones heart. Any reasonable person should be able to comprehend the psychiatric injury which will result from constant bullying and harassment.

The psychological trauma can last a lifetime. Bullies have a lot to answer for. My education suffered and had to go to college a few years later to gain qualifications I was deprived of at school. My confidence and self-esteem have been eroded over those years.

I suffered for 11 years at school; continuously being humiliated and abused on a daily basis. The 4 years at secondary school were the worst. I didn’t only get verbally abused by my fellow pupils, but was bullied by my guidance teacher. He laughed at my school photograph as he handed it to me in the assembly hall. He told me in a meeting to discuss the subjects I would be taking in 3rd and 4th year, that I was ugly. This was a few months after I had spoken to him about being bullied, which nothing had been done about. I started to say off school, as I couldn't suffer the verbal abuse any longer. The rest of the teachers then bullied me as they thought I wasn’t interested. I got caught truanting by my dad, after my guidance teacher phoned him at work and he came home to find me there.

I was to go with my dad to the school the following day to see my guidance teacher. How could I tell him that I didn't want to go to school because of bullies, considering he was the worst culprit? When my dad left I took a massive overdose, every tablet in the house I took, it was probably about 50 tablets in total. I also swallowed drain cleaner. It wasn’t a cry for help, I wanted to die. I couldn’t face life looking the way I do, even my teacher thought I was ugly, and felt the need to tell me so. I waited and waited, I thought it wouldn't take long, with the quantity of tablets I had taken, but I seemed to be waiting an eternity. My vision started to get blurry as my pupils were starting to dilate. I was now very frightened, my mum was finishing work now and would be at my uncles home soon. I decided to go and tell her what I had done, and try and get help.

I told my mum who took me to the local hospital, where I got my stomach pumped then spent the night in there fighting for my life. I was only 15.

I have been married for over 16 years now and have a 15 year old daughter. She goes to that school; I didn’t want her to go there but she wanted to, as her friends would be at that school. I checked that this man was not teaching at the school any longer - luckily he retired shortly before she started. She started off enjoying school, but as she is going into 4th year she hates it. Continuously wants to stay off. I thought of moving her to another school, but the schools in our area are much the same. She says she isn’t being bullied, she just hates the bleak school environment. I have to attend regular meetings at the school with regards to her attendance. I find it very distressing as it’s in the same room as I was told by my guidance teacher I was ugly. They have threatened me about getting the reporter involved, in which if her attendance doesn’t improve I will be jailed. This would result in me losing my job, as I would have a criminal record.

I almost lost my life because of that school, are they going to lose me my job too.

At school I was told I had limited talents in Art. I now run arts, craft classes and engraving at my work. I was told I wasn’t musical - I was bored with what I was given in music, if only she would’ve listened to what I could play on the keyboard. I now teach one to one keyboard lessons at my work, play saxophone and electric guitar.

I work with people with mental health problems; some have these problems throughout their lives, some of which the problems resulted from childhood.

It’s about time schools do more to stop the bullying that goes on behind those gates. Too many children take their own lives because they can’t cope with the abuse any longer.

Welcome to UncommonForum Pammie. That certainly is a terrible story, and perhaps one that others will see and take note of.

Roger