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****! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

I'm already seeing a shrink, okay? It's not like I haven't tried to sort my crap out at all.

Talking gets nowhere because I'm stuck, there's nothign left to be said, and its so f***ing frustrating.

Well I don't know how to make myself help myself, since more than half my thoughts are working against that.

Still want to shoot yourself? The answer's supposed to be yes, right? But look, it doesn't matter what I "want". It has to be done either way. I don't want to kill myself, but sometimes I want to be dead, and most of the time I don't want to be alive... so it's a solution that would work ...

I'm weak because I can't/won't fix/hurt/end myself. I am serious that I should commit suicide. Should. But I can't do it, just can't seem to take that step. Maybe that reason is attention or maybe there's a reason for that other than that craptitude. Who am I to say when I don't understand a thing a...

Why...?

Because I'm weak.

I guess I just want to continue feeling sh**. I see no reason to stop self harming because I deserve it. I deserve to feel like crap because I am crap. I just need to die, because that will fix the problem that is me.

Screw me. I can't do it. I can't even try to do it. I can't even bring myself to re-read what it is that you wrote, Seta.

That's why you MUST do it as soon as possible, assess what's really there, and make a plan on how to change it.

and when inertia makes me stop myself from even trying out any of your ideas?

Thanks to everyone who replied.
I should give a better reply to you all but I'm not in the mood for conversation right now.

You are afraid to face inwards.

True enough. For one thing, there's probably nothing there.. or nothing good at any rate.

... I could have sworn when I tried to post this in this section it gave an error... Didn't mean to double up.

Interesting convo though.

- sometimes emotional pain about nothing that makes me want to tear my heart out - completely over-sensitive when emotionally invested (ie. I will doubtlessly feel hurt by any confrontation leading to...->) - 3 different types of self harm none of which are really all that serious (often for dealing...

I can't take this pain anymore but I can't do anything bout it because I'm causing it to myself and I don't know how to f***ing stop.

Didn't f***ing do it I'm such a tool! God I hate me

Cold reading.. that's it exactly. I was pretty sure I'd heard something about that kind of thing somewhere but couldn't think of the name of it.

Thanks seta37 and jurplesman.

I was out with some acquaintances/friends last night, and one of the guys reckoned he could "read me like an open book." He made a couple of suggestions about things about me. They all had some element of truth to them, but nothing amazingly revealing. I don't remember what they were other...