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I do not eat too much, but I do not feel sick or anything. So I wonder whether you have an eating disorder or not. Probably you do not, but you should see a doctor and find it out, just in case.

Maybe you should talk to your doctor and find out if there any ways to manage without taking pills. I'm sure he will help you, but you also should trust him.

You better have a walk and air your room before going to bed or maybe listen to relaxing music or nature sounds. Anyway, try to avoid eating at night. Your story is pretty sad and I don't think you can coup with it by yourself. If you don't trust your psychologist you can have an online consultation...

Maybe you should move out of your house for a better place to live. Ask your co-workers to hang out together, at least try to communicate with them. Some changes will do. Don't give in to your subconscious mind that tells you to commit suicide. Visit a psychotherapist at the clinic, and a good one, ...

No doubt it is an eating disorder. It's not okay that you can do without meal for so long. You should consult with a doctor, a psychiatrist perhaps, before things getting worse. Probably you have a depression. And don't blame yourself for your grandmother's' death. It's not your fault.