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I plan on being self supporting,even though I don't see the commection..This toxic mentality of mine is something I wanna get rid of,I gave some context to make the issue more understandable

I take it like really seriously,It's an esports so It's not just your average casual game.
And what do you mean by self supporting? That I pay the bills and that? If so,the answer is no,I am 17 so not yet certainly

Game

There is a system of ranks I am trying to get at the end of.

Dumb question,but I don't see how I can lighten up..

I also practice a ton,by grinding I meant I try to get better and climb the ranks..I was mostly reffering to the mental part of things though,Because that miserable feeling of giving it all and just failing wihout winning for 4 months is quite exhausting

Some may say that it's because I have self esteem that I claim such thing, which is not true.My Self Esteem is at a good level,what I feel I lack is confidence..I always focused on one thing/dream.I always wished to be good at something,so I really put in the work. 2400hours so far put in..and I am ...